I don't think I want my African American tenant referring to me as her owner.

This. :spock:

I’ve never understood what’s insensitive about Chiefs, or even Indians. Indians I could understand a little more, but still not really. Redskins I get, but does that even bother native Americans?

Would Vikings, Cowboys, Texans, or Patriots be insensitive?

Personally I’m offended by Jets after 9/11. I’m surprised peta hasn’t come after the Lions, Bears, Dolphins and so on.

Browns definitely got better. I predict they go 7-9 this year.

The "Mighty Ducks" are the most offensive of monikers in my lifetime . . . all my duck friends are really triggered by that team name.

Hmm, if we think about the NFL's names, which are acceptable, which are borderline, and which need to be replaced? Let's take a look.

And this presumes that we'l continue trampling on the unique identities of animals with no interest in what they want.

NFC East

Cowboys - It's a profession, not a race thing. So that works. But CowBOYs is very gender-exclusive. Change it to to Cowpokes and we're good.

Giants - Again, male exclusive. What about giantesses? Change it to something general neutral, such as Behemoths.

Eagles - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Eagles is fine.

Redskins - Okay, that doesn't work at all. Just strike it off the list. And anything involving Founding Fathers is highly risky due to patriarchal language in the Founding Documents and slave ownership. Even Columbia is female-oriented. There's really no acceptable name here so the team should be moved. But if you keep the team, the most inclusive name that typifies the city is the Ambassadors.

So the NFC East is:

Dallas Cowpokes
New York Behemoths
Philadelphia Eagles
Washington Ambassadors

NFC North next.

Bears - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Bears is fine.

Lions - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Lions is fine.

Packers - Treading dangerously close to the LGBTQ line, and the original Packers were named after the Indian Packing Company. That's therefore a hard pass. Indian Packing was purchased soon thereafter by Acme Packing, and of course the Acme Corporation's biggest client is Wile E. Coyote. So change it to Coyotes.

Vikings - While it's kind of a profession, it's mostly an ethnic/nationalist identifier. Can't do that. So what else is Minnesota known far? I think Minnesota has ermines and snow, but we probably can't embrace too much white stuff. They have cold, but what's dangerous about cold? Got it - Minnesota is the Frostbite.

NFC North becomes:

Chicago Bears
Detroit Lions
Green Bay Coyotes
Minnesota Frostbite

NFC South next.

Falcons - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Falcons can stay.

Panthers - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Panthers can stay.

Saints - Way too eurocentric and religious. I'm surprised there's not been a lot of pushback on this. As far as new names, Mardi Gras names will be offensive to women who don't like the toplessness traditions, so we can't use those. The Louisiana Purchase is obviously about European conquest, so that's a no. I think our only option is Shrimp as a regional identifier. Maybe you could go with Beignets, but doughnuts aren't very scary. Shrimp it is. (Or is it shrimps?)

Buccaneers - This is a tough one. Buccaneer is a profession, and I think the term applies to both men and women. I've never heard of a female word for Buccaneer. However, the name does promote crime. and we're all against crime unless we're the ones doing it. So Buccaneers is out. What else is central Florida known for? Seniors, of course, and Early Bird dinner specials. Early Birds would be an awesome name, so let's go with that.

NFC South:

Atlanta Falcons
Carolina Panthers
New Orleans Shrimp
Tampa Bay Early Birds

NO/Louisiana is probably better known for crawfish than shrimp. So, maybe "Crawdads"? probably too gender specific . . . "Mudbugs"? "Yabbies"?

NFC West.

Cardinals - It's kind of a dumb name for the desert, but there's tradition there. The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. Cardinals can stay.

Rams - Again, have there ever been Rams in Los Angeles? The name is fine from an animal perspective, but not from a gender perspective. It's too male-centric. We'll default back to the more inclusive name of Sheep.

Seahawks - The NFC West is really bad at animals. I don't think this is even a real animal, so it needs to be renamed. Seattle is known for coffee, vagrants, commercial aircraft, and salmon. Let's go with Salmon for the alliterative ring. It sounds way better than the current name, too.

49ers - Nope. Manifest Destiny doesn't fly in the modern world, and the 49ers most likely did a lot of environmental damage to boot. San Francisco is known for the gay community, vagrants, Alcatraz, and the bay. Prisons are not good from a racial equity standpoint, and we can't narrow in on the gay and vagrant populations. What else is big there? Bridges, but you can't go with "Bridgers" since that's reminiscent of mountain man Jim Bridger, who brought a white presence to native lands. Chinatown is obviously out of play. "Bay" reminds one of Bayer, which is German and big pharma, and we can't do anything Tech related due to their reputation for misogyny. Earthquakes will trigger people, and Trolleys could have an income stigma. They probably should just move this team, but if you have to go with a name, I think you go with the Coasters since being on the coast is the only thing that's not offensive about the city.

NFC West:

Arizona Cardinals
Los Angeles Sheep
Seattle Salmon
San Francisco Coasters

Is etoufee shrimp or crawfish? I'm open to crawfish, though as you noted, crawdads is a nonstarter.

"Etouffee" is a style of dish. literally means "smothered." Essentially Etouffee refers to the sauce/gravy used. I like crawfish etouffee a lot more than i like shrimp Etouffee.

AFC East.

Bills - Glorifying a gun-carrying white guy who brought a large mammal species to the brink of extinction. How is this happening in the 21st century? This one's easy. Let's honor the victims instead with Buffalo.

Dolphins - The next generation can tackle the intellectual and cultural property rights of animals. And dolphins are smart enough that they can file suit if they don't like it. Dolphins stays.

Jets - This one seems easy unless you've ever lived in a country that was bombed by jets. We can remove the war aspect and keep the wondrous travel aspect alive with a simple change to jetliners. But how does 9/11 fit this narrative? I don't like it. Let's move from the technology to the experience and go with Travelers. It matches the international flavor the city. (I guess you could also go with Immigrants in that regard, but New York was mostly European immigrants, so that's a soft no.)

Patriots - Obviously too political. The name has been co-opted by the far right. And patriots are also known for following founding fathers, many of whom were slave holders. (Maybe not so much in Massachusetts, but you get the drift.) And these people framed Native Americans for the Boston Tea Party. No thank you. Boston's identity is through history, so we can hearken back to the past with a name like Redskins or Beaneaters. The more I think about it, probably not Redskins so let's go with Beaneaters. It's race and gender neutral.

AFC East

Buffalo Buffalo
Miami Dolphins
New York Travelers
Boston Beaneaters

We can put it up to a vote, then. I have no concerns about either name.

AFC North

Ravens - Animal rights again. But Ravens can stay.

Browns - Oh, come on. Who's doing this stuff? Replace this immediately. There's an obvious replacement in Eries, which sounds really cool, but apparently that's a local Indian tribe so we have to eliminate it. Cleveland's a tough one when you think about what it offers - Lebrons is too black-centric, Sausages is too Polish-centric, DrewCareys is too white-centric. You could go with Lakers, but that's already taken. There are a lot of presidents from that area, but they're all white male presidents and half of them were assassinated. Cleveland's heyday was in the Gilded age with big, smoking factories that were environmental and worker rights issues. They really should move this team, but perhaps you can build around their proximity to the birthplace of the NFL in Canton. I'd go with the Cleveland Historians.

Bengals - Stop trying to get fancy. Are you really differentiating between Bengal Tigers and other breeds of tigers? That's being separatist and non-inclusive of Siberian Tigers and Sumatran Tigers, and it also shows a pro-India bias. Just make it Tigers.

Steelers - Is that even a word? And in spoken terms it glamorizes petty crime. There's no reason you can't honor the profession and keep it gender and race-neutral by going with Steelworkers.

So the AFC North is...

Baltimore Ravens
Cleveland Historians
Cincinnati Tigers
Pittsburgh Steelworkers