Man it must really be a rough night for you, you're talking about shitting instead of f*******.

I searched but couldn’t find any

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I shat a baseball-type turd today. Sadly, I was not at KOHL's.

I've been eating a ton of Honeycrisp and Fuji apples and those babies keep your pipes moving perfectly.

I've been taking psyllium husk fiber daily and those babies will keep your pipes moving perfectly, too.

Riced cauliflower has been on the menu of late; it gives a nice solid texture as well. Really not so sure where the baseball sized unit came from - cheese/meat plug maybe?

Only true if taken correctly. If you overdo that stuff you will be shitting cannonballs, if at all.

That sucks up water and expands like crazy.

Did I miss something? Been away a while and this is what I got. Simply Red has exceeded their stored private messages quota and cannot accept further messages until they clear some space.

I don't take much but I take 4 capsules in the morning and 4 at night and I shit like a champ. I eat a ton of meat and not alot of veggies so I need it.

I take 2 in the morning. As discussed earlier in the thread, this helps to create "ghost poops". I try to munch a few baby carrots and radishes before bed. I, too, don't eat enough veggies.

Psyllium is the $hit! Hey ohhh!!

Fiber tortillas will give you the launch codes on a regular basis.

Jalapenos on pizza last night, so pooping right now. Oh the burn

Launch codes lmfao

What I did this morning looked like the circus came through my bathroom and an elephant stopped at my toilet to take a shit.

At least a 3-4 pounder that needed two large flushes to clear the bowl. Took a big push to get things started. My ass took a beating. :eek:

I feel like I had a 12 pound baby. :D

Apparently Tamba Hali has no problem pooping on Alex Smith's chest.

I had a colonoscopy on Tuesday, May 7, and finally just pooped for the first time since the procedure this morning. Oh happy day!

It's been over 6 months since you posted, SR. You ok buddy? Miss you.

I needed a ****ing C-section one night after a family reunion at Ryan's steakhouse. The plumbing in that househas never been right since that one.

simply red just sent me this

prayers up

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GPpE4f7X...jpg&name=large

Not exactly the way I wanted to hear from Simply Red but glad he is pooping well.

That is hilarious! ROFL 🤣

I poop pretty regularly almost every day of the week.

But every Saturday morning for breakfast I have bacon, eggs and toast...within 30 minutes it is usually run to the bathroom time and release the hounds!

No. I'm NOT pooping well. I've been trying out these fiber capsules and I've been shitting nothing but rabbit turds.

I can still shit my pants better than Cotton Eyed Joe, all it takes is one big squat

If you'd just do Balance of Nature, and Immuno 150 you'd probably live forever

Elmer Heinrich and Kathie Lee Gifford can't be wrong, take those supplements or die a certain death you old geezers

BIG DADDY's wife hours after his peace loving & gentle pitbull eats him alive.

drinking enough water? stuff like that will actually make you constipated if you aren't drinking enough water. I believe I remember learning that somewhere.

Good lord!

https://i.makeagif.com/media/8-23-2015/TzlUrv.gif

Damn they shit a baseball bat.

Footlong clean breaker sidekick now at Subway! Shit fresh

Ever since I changed to a low carb diet, my poops have been amazing. The only downside is, I've been clogging the bowl like never before. I'm glad I hung on to my closet augger when I retired.

Coffee. I always thought people exaggerated but good lord did it cause a shitonic shift

one of the meds i use to take made my shit uncontrollable. I shit 6+ times a day but never knew when. More than once I was in the middle of a conversation and would just shit myself. Had the joy of sleeping on a plastic mattress because I literally shit the bed every night. I quit taking that shit and just lied to my wife and docs. "oh HayWire, your body just got adjusted to the medicine"....sure, we'll go with that.

I just pour it down the sink when no one is looking. It was a horrible existance for a while.

Now im pooping like a champ again.

Yeah it better as long as you don't overheat me then it painful. Also if you see wal mart employees in the bathroom most the time their using the bathroom but some are just hanging out in there to take a break.

Buy high quality magnesium..it’s a centuries old remedy. Works.

I ate two plums last week and shit myself

Yogoboyad in a gas station bathroom TWICE on the drive home. Trying to figure out what the culprit was. Hovered for 5 minutes driving, ran in and let it fly just in time. Almost a mini recreation of "the League" scene and hit the side of the road but hit a gas station JUST in time.

*this has been a "simply red" original story*

You know someone yelled "STAT" when that hog came out.

Tyrone's hog fell off from pounding too much on his Friday night adventures

They still have it but the picture is bad. ROFL

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That was VERY similar to the experience. If it had been a traffic jam or 1 more red light, that's what the result would have been.

If you’re not using Cottonelle flushable wipes after dropping a deuce, then I feel sorry for your wife/girlfriend/booty call. Wipe with TP then finish off your brown-eye with a refreshing, moist, Cottonelle wipe, or two, to get it spick and span. Your woman will appreciate not whiffing doody when she’s down there. It’ll also give you peace of mind that you’re not presenting her with poor anus hygiene as well.

Why does every BM have to start out like a raw potato and finish like mashed potatoes? I get the pain up front, and then it just dies halfway through because the mushy stuff has no pushing power, and I have to use half a roll of TP.

I'm glad I've finally found a forum where I can share this information. Stay tuned for many more updates.

This is why we need Simply Red back. Clean breakers from board members are DOWN 250% in his absence.

Years ago I had a close call, I had Gates and then drove a ways away to visit a friend and I barely made it back home.

Imagine having your gall bladder removed and then a week layer going across town to have dinner at a friend's house...you know the snooty kind that you would never use their bathroom except in extreme emergency.

Well....the topper for the night was that she fixed Mexican food because it was her family's favorite. They lived on Overland Park and we lived in Liberty. It was bad enough that I had to hold it all in for 45 minutes but what made matters worse was a wreck at the Hiway 69 and 435 interchange.

We barely made it to the house before I practically jumped out of the driver seat to run to the newly finished basement bathroom. All the while my wife and kids laughing.

Can I help youuuuuu

UBEJA SIGHTING!

I don't know

A ittle bit of Lumi and Pooph and you are good to go. ROFL

Another day, another clogged toilet. All that fiber I've been eating really keeps things moving. 10/10 would recommend

Croisantwich and a coffee. All systems go in an hour I'd betm

This is the largest fossilized human feces ever found. It belonged to a sick Viking in 9th Century AD, and has been valued at $39,000".

The large, “precious” feces, officially known as the Lloyds Bank Coprolite, the word “Coprolite” simply meaning fossilized manure. This 1200 year old log that is thought to be the largest recorded in human history.

At 8 inches long and 2 inches wide, specimen was discovered, in York northwest England in 1972 by construction workers during the building of a Lloyds TSB branch, in an area once ruled by Norse warriors. It takes its name from institution Lloyds Bank.

The huge feces had another red-letter moment in 1991 when scientist Dr. Andrew Jones appraised the piece in the name of insurance. “This is the most exciting piece of excrement I’ve ever seen,” he told the Wall Street Journal at the time. “In its own way, it’s as irreplaceable as the Crown Jewels.”

Paleoscatologists have been able to discern much from the girthy deposit, including that its producer ate mostly meat and bread was likely a Viking, lived in approximately the 9th Century AD, and had a gut full of parasites. Indeed, the manure was found to be infested with Whipworm and Maw-worm eggs, suggesting the Viking often had an upset stomach and other gastrointestinal problems.

Today, the log resides in a glass box at the Jorvik Viking Centre, York, England; where, in 2003, visitors dropped it, breaking it into three pieces. It has since been repaired.
The Centre is proud to call itself the turd’s final resting place, even hosting a virtual workshop in February called “Poo Day!” in which fans learned about the dung’s significance.

Source: New York Post

https://scontent.fmkc1-1.fna.fbcdn.n...Vg&oe=6672D342

man my poop got stuck i was trying to get it out for two hours till finally it came out i literally had to dig it out about how stuck it was. ugh but i'm much better now.

Damn nut, nothing like digging a turd out your butt

After the 80's thread I remembered how all the blow had baby laxative in it. Between that and the whiskey and tequila I shit like a cow. It's taken me 20 years after that to shit like a man should. I shit like a boss these days. :thumb::LOL:

Too well, sometimes! Glad to say I have no bowel obstruction whatsoever and my toot chute is just fine.

Reminds me of when I once worked in a hospital. Made my eyes bleed.

That ain't nothing. I am sure that most of the shatting CP'rs, myself included, have done better then that :shrug:

Ever try a good run? I learned, the hard way, what you have to do is have that morning poo before you run otherwise it'll come knocking. For me, the half mile mark is the dam breaker.

1) How many Courics did it weigh?

2) Who was the lucky guy that dug it up?

3) How does one get stretched enough to deliver such a parcel?

Just ****ing great now my poop don't want to come out easily. Like let **** with big nasty some more.

Finally I pooped oh god it was stuck in there like get out of me i think my poophole got destroyed.

My coloplast came back positive so I gotta have a colonoscopy. Yay for me. :deevee::deevee::deevee::deevee:
Hopefully they don’t find shit!

What are you all using for a poop knife these days?

I have no idea what that is...