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AFC South
Texans. At first it seems innocuous. But Mexican-Americans living in Texas use the term Tejanos, so Texans as a term excludes them. And then you've got that whole history of Texas fighting with Mexico which isn't very internationalist. So let's rework it. What's big in Houston? Oil is, but naming the team the Oilers isn't environmentally conscious. They're well known for bad zoning and mosquitos, so I think Mosquitos could work. But what really scares people about Houston? I think we all know, and it makes for a nice alliterative name. The Humidity. Colts - Name the team after an adult animal, for crying out loud. Colts will work, but at least be a horse. Are you trying to intimidate opponents or not? Jaguars - This one is a little risky since it could be seen as cultural appropriate from the Aztecs. But on the surface I think it can stand up to scrutiny since the jaguar symbol isn't wearing Aztec finery or standing on a pyramid. This one can stand. Titans - Eurocentric mythology. That's a no. Thumbtacks could work, but that's kind of circular logic. You can't go with anything related to country music since that's a redneck thing. Tennessee was a rebellious state in the Civil War, so you have to eliminate any references there. What else is Tennessee known for? Moon pies and goo goo clusters are probably already copyrighted. I'm kind of stumped. Looking through some documents about things that are specific to Tennessee, I see the Tennessee Trillium, which is a very rare flowering plant that exists in only two Tennessee counties. Lacking any other options, I'll go with the Trilliums. AFC South is now: Houston Humidity Indianapolis Horses Jacksonville Jaguars Tennessee Trilliums |
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Inside the brain of Rain Man must be an experience.
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AFC West
Broncos - Technically, this is a gender-neutral name, though it's Spanish origins make it seem male with the 'o' sound. I'm concerned about perceptions. Also, broncos are a sub-type of horse, which makes it non-inclusive. I'm going to have to veto it. We could go with Horses, but Indianapolis already got that. So Denver needs a total makeover. I think it's pretty obvious that it should be mountain related or altitude related. You could throw a white helmet on them and call them the Snowcaps, but that's too white. I'd go with the Peaks. Chiefs - Technically, this should be good. Chief is a profession that is unrelated to race, and I think to gender. (Is there a feminine version of 'chief'?) But the team has embraced a profession within an ethnicity with its Native American emphasis, so it no longer can stand. You could go with an Oregon Trail theme here and go with Trailers, but that's probably not a great brand image. I don't know if ermines are native to the area or not. I think it's clear that the most famous thing about Kansas City is barbecue, so we'll go with Saucers. You can give it an alien theme if you like. Chargers - First off, no one knows what a charger is, other than that thing that powers up your phone. The name was a failure from the start. Let's embrace what really makes Los Angeles famous, and what people do there instead of going to pro football games. The Surfers. Raiders - Pro-crime name, and one can argue that their logo exploits people with facial disfigurements. The name's gotta go. We can't go with their historical runner up of Senors for obvious reasons. Now that they're in Las Vegas, it's time for a complete makeover. What is Las Vegas known for? Hookers, elderly gamblers, Buddy Hackett, buffet meals, runaways who are destined to become hookers - what do we have to work with? We can't go with gamblers since that glorifies vice. Showgirls is fun, but too gender specific. I have to go with the most noticeable thing about Las Vegas - the Lights. So the AFC West is ... Denver Peaks Kansas City Saucers Los Angeles Surfers Las Vegas Lights |
Why not the Kansas City Anal Rapers? Everyone can be anally raped, and Patrick Mahomes does that to opposing defenses on the regular.
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If they would cave they'd be the Kansas City Kucks
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Would still be able to get Chiefs Merchandise?
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"Fighting Hawks". What a horrible name. No wonder it can't get any traction. If they had gone with Ermines they'd be seeing sold-out crowds at every sporting event, and people all over the country would be wearing Ermine gear.
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