ChiefsPlanet - Money Ever Sell an Engagement Ring?

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Ever Sell an Engagement Ring? (https://chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=341688)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bearcat (Post 16054115)

I've been rolling this around in my head a bit and IMO this doesn't accurately depict the skin in the game.

If you have Elvis marry you in Vegas drive through chapel the night you meet someone, you obviously don't have any skin in the game and chances are probably higher that it'll end poorly.

OTOH, if you date someone for a year or two, give up your personal space to live together, spend money on dates and gifts and so forth... and the get engaged, that's quite a bit of skin in the game already, no? Does paying 3 month's salary on top of that really change anything?

Or to turn that around.... if you met someone at a bar tonight, bought a $10k ring for her and got engaged.... you wouldn't expect throwing $10k into a 6 hour relationship is going to help anything, right? And if it did, probably not for good reasons.

I think there is sometimes a psychological component to it, like Buehler mentioned... dress for success or for the occasion. Granted, my wardrobe was pretty casual before working from home all the time, so can't exactly say I abide by it.

Yeah, there is gradient and nuance in everything.

I really think there is something to the "treat important things respectfully" business. I think my wife would have taken a similar position to DaFace's if I'd bought something super extravagant at the time.

But if it's the same every day it doesn't click something in your head to treat it differently.

Wardrobe is a bad example in my line of work, but it does matter. If I'm going to meet a landlord, I damn sure try not to be dirty and for ****s sake clean my pickup or office or whereever we are meeting, because damn it those interactions are important. And if I entered the conversation with my landlord in a similar headspace as my employee that might not go well for Buehler445.

And also, marriage, like it or not, presents a step (at least legally) that has barriers to exit. So by definition it is important on some level. Regardless of your feelings on the institution itself.

But it's not hard and fast. My **** sister made a GIANT deal about everything regarding her wedding because it was OH SO IMPORTANT. 2 years later he was out of there with prejudice.

I certainly am not, and I doubt DJ is either, saying your marriage is ****ed if you didn't put some cash down on a ring, but there is value in taking the important shit in life seriously.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buehler445 (Post 16054154)

Well said. Give things the respect and contemplation they deserve.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buehler445 (Post 16054154)

Yeah, being in IT and mostly not client facing, the clothing thing doesn't really do it for me. There's something to be said about dressing up, but I was on call 24/7/365 for years and would deal with higher pressure things in my underwear than I did during the day at work.

"Be present" is a big thing for me. I've interviewed idiots who obviously put zero prep into it and just show up expecting a job, and of course anyone in a corporate setting knows the people who simply show up to meetings and say "bye" at the end so their voice was heard.

If I need someone's time, I really try to make the most of it by preparing, which sometimes leads to figuring out whatever I needed in the first place. And in terms of friendships and relationships, these days 90% of it seems to be simply putting away the phones.

That's really what I think about when it comes to giving things or people or events meaning... being 100% present, including prep work and forethought.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaFace (Post 16053594)

What I'm learning in this thread is that I lucked out by marrying someone who grew up poor and thinks that expensive jewelry is a waste of money.

My wife didn't grow up poor, but she doesn't give a crap about jewelry, expensive or otherwise. When we were picking out rings, I wanted to buy a reasonably pricy ring and she ended up choosing one that cost about half of what I was prepared to spend. It bothered me because I didn't want people to see her ring and think I was a cheap ass, but she insisted on the one she wanted.

One year for Christmas I got her a nice matching set of ruby earrings and a necklace, and I think she's worn them once, and that was only because I bitched about it. I'll never buy her jewelry again. And she's fine with that.

My young and dumb marriage gave me a nice ring but the years I got to be a stay at home mom meant more.