Sometimes life is funny
In the way our paths will cross.
Two men in adjoining crappers
Only One can be the boss.

Dualing crapping banjos
an orafactory fury they unleash
just then in walk some people
Unprepared for this stink beast.

Awkward shuffles all around
I hear an old man mutter, underneath his breath.
"how'd we get so lucky?,
better check those stalls for death".

3 constipated days of frenzied eating
my friends I cannot lie.
When its time to drop the bricks I'm building
this poster might just die.

2 girls and their cup have nothing
their time is over, they can suck it.
The hottest coming interweb craze?
1 Io-wanian, 1 bucket?

So, good night old Kris Kringle
Another Year until I see ya.
If I've been a good Boy this year
I'll wake up with Diarhea.

Merry Christmas Iowanian. You are a Poets poet. :thumb:

Arrowhead toilet has been clogged
for nearly 20 seasons
'The team is almost there'
among too many infuriating reasons.

Now Clark Hunt's hand is on the handle
of the Arrowhead American Standard Throne
He finally flushed our own hot-carl
But he's not quite yet alone.

An unsinking floating cheerio
our desires Herm Edwards Will not heed
Soon a brand new GM
will bring the exlax that we need.

Flustrated as he's swirling
His 3 year streaks left in the bowl
A new hope for Playoff glory
A Chief fans re-inspired Goal.

The Stench of Carl Peterson
wafting through the air
A final spray of glade's new fragrance
Will end This Kansas City fan's dispair.

As a new guy I hadnt read all of your previous works, but A+ job on those and this new one as well.

Geez, back from the grave this thread is.

The last sentence of the poem makes it all worthwhile.

Iowanain,

When you get published (its only a mater of time btw) I want your autograph.
What will your book cover look like ?

forgive me bumping an old thread to share a moment too perfect to not share.


By poorly engineered design, by office bathroom shares a wall with the desk of the adjacent office secretary. I knew it was a bad arrangement during my first day's visit when I could hear her stapling papers.

Today, we're both loners in our respective suites.

Irony? Perfect Timing? Cosmic intervention? You be the judge.

As I take my seat for an emergency evacuation, as I make the necessary adjustments, as quietly as possible, I hear it. She's beginning to hum, then mumble and now breaking out in song. As I'm beginning to do work...it becomes clearer and clearer, louder and louder what she is singing.

pffffffft.
"nanana na...nanana nana hey hey hey....goooooooood byeeeeee"

pfft
"nanana na....nanana na na hey hey hey...gooooood bye"

It varies in tone....from her attempt at Barry White....to what must have been a boy band rendition...ending in an Operaesque crescendo......

It hit the lever for the final "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD BYE"....and it stops.

I think the reality of the irony of this moment has begun to sink in on both sides of the wall.

ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL:clap: gracias dude, dat be some funny ass shit right there

A young man with special needs
visits me on friday mornings.
But his last 3 trips to see me
should have come with a warning.

We talk about life and women,
and share a couple jokes.
but lately that boy's farting
makes me gag and choke.

The crapper in my office
is about 10 feet away
and lately when he's leaving
he decides to drop in to play.

I must admire his effort
as he talks himself through the trial,
but then he doesn't flush and leaves
and man that crap is vile.

I'm not sure what gets me more;
the devils tower of duke,
or leaving the bathroom door open
that makes me want to puke.

His visits make me happy
I relearn topics I've forgotten
but glade doesnt' make a fragrance
to tame that feller's rotten.

Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them in the late morn when
the planet deems their words are due...

I work with the elderly,
clean up their messes and such,
and then this woman name beverly,
she came on to me just a little too much.

You see, I try to be nice,
I give them all hugs at the door,
but those hugs no longer suffice,
now they want so much more.

She asks me why I wear so much clothes,
I ask her why she's so damn old.

She tells me we could be together for life,
I tell her I got better things to do till five.

Im reading it to Cake....
He's going the distance.
He's going forrrrr speeeed.....

...