Originally Posted by KCUnited (Post 6306839)

Oh yea, wanna use some butthole beads on your girl? Sure you do. Make sure you use the all rubber/silcone kind. String broke on me as I was trying to pull them out all sensually. Ol girl had to shit them out, kinda ruined the moment.

Originally Posted by Iowanian (Post 6306757)

Actually, I barf a lot. It's an over-rated diet plan.

I was kind of hoping you'd have discussed making your face Oompa Loompa orange, or the consequences of using a jetblast to spike your blow'd up DO...maybe negative side effects of using a wood chipper with a big neck chain hanging out of your half-bottoned shirt.

Originally Posted by MIAdragon (Post 5359296)

No idea who Tucker Max is, however no matter how many times you've done it before or how much she loves it it the catcher is not ready to receive the pitch bad things happen. Dont really want to get into it but please take my word for it.

I also learned that not everything you see in porn is acceptable outside of porn. Ya know when you see the guy spit on the chick to increase lubrication, yea chicks don’t like that.
So there I am with this half balack half Polish skirt, Mieska, this girl was an absolute freak down for anything right, nope, as soon as the spit left my lips I knew it was going to end bad. Sure enough she looks at me with utter disbelief in her eyes and screamed "did you just ****ing spit on me!?" "are you out of your mind!?" and that ended that play session, no worries though she was over the next night in a nurses outfit.

Originally Posted by Mr. Plow (Post 5359020)

**Note to women: If you don't want a man to fix your problem, go vent to another woman. That's what men do....fix things. It's in our nature. Women bitch, men fix.

Originally Posted by Bowser (Post 5352908)

Being a "nice guy" does not mean you will get laid.

Originally Posted by kindra68 (Post 5359040)

1. You can get kicked off a balcony, in New Orleans, on Bourbon Street, during Mardi Gras.
2. Even though you have on enough beads to totally cover your front, you still have to wear a shirt, during Mardi Gras, in New Orleans on Bourbon Street.
3. Do be careful of how many Hurricanes you drink, and how fast you drink them. If you do not heed this advice you might wake up in a van, under an overpass with a bag of smushed white castle burgers thinking, "what the hell happened last night?"
4. Find a bar with a restroom and stay there.
5. If you find yourself getting bored and do not heed 4, do not start drinking straight vodka over ice just so you can use a new bars restroom.
6. During Mardi Gras you can easily consume three to four time more alcohol than normal. I do not recommend this.

Originally Posted by Dartgod (Post 5365328)

If you are driving down the highway after a night of drinking, and your buddy needs to puke but you don't want to pull to the side of the highway and draw attention to yourself, so you tell him just to open the door, lean out and puke while cruising along at 60 mph (he was buckled in), either go ahead and pull over or get a down payment on having a shit load of puke cleaned out of your back seat.

Originally Posted by Iowanian (Post 8269547)

New lessons come every day.


so.

If you're traveling for business and you hit a "dead zone" typically for phone and radio station of your choice use caution. You see, sometimes when a man has been on the road for 3hrs he gets bored and will forget himself and do things he typically may not do.

For example.
If you're driving as mentioned above, and you're going to pocket dial a coworker, don't do it when you're having your own personal American Idol audition going on in the cab of your ride. He has speaker phone, and on that day, cell reception isn't going to be a problem.

That's right....in the spot I couldn't make a phone call for $1mil any time I drive through it.....I pocket call a coworker, when I'm singing a tune and it stays for 10 minutes.

Originally Posted by Iowanian (Post 8269575)

I'm just glad it wasn't one of the songs from that damn wii dance game my little girls do.....It could have been some Madonna or Dynomite......


I couldn't even remember doing it until he called me the third time while was in my meeting to laugh at me......and then on the way home I caught myself doing it again.

I'm pretty sure he got John Denver "the scotsman" and possibly some Eagles.

I'd have preferred had been Waylon Jennings or George Jones day in my mental ipod...But I'm glad it wasn't "we are the dinosaurs" Lauri Berkner day.