Isn't that the truth!

Ah wish ah could rep you...

Hoover drafts a dude already picked then goes offline.

Good stuff! Good stuff!

Yeah didnt go off line just don't have my computer. Pick will be made in the nine o'clock hour don't get your panties all knotted up.

Cleveland's celebrity draft picker is bleary-eyed after waiting all night to make a grand entrance.

With the 174th pick in the NFL Draft the Atlanta Falcons select Fred "The Boss" Ross, WR, Mississippi State.

Sorry for the delay.

An elderly man enters the draft auditorium. He's wearing a robe and doesn't look like he got much sleep last night.

He shuffles to the stage, a cup of coffee in his hand.

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"We talk of the great people of Cleveland," he says, "and we often focus on athletics. Jim Brown, Otto Graham, Lou Groza. But the true measure of greatness is when one gives one's life to service, as did my great-grandfather."

And with that, he unveils a life-sized poster of former president James A. Garfield.

"This level of greatness is what we should strive for in Cleveland, not just football greatness. But my job here today is to bring football greatness, and that I shall do."

http://media.cleveland.com/opinion_i...096615c407.jpg

Find more youthful, energetic celebrity pickers.

These guys you've been sending up here take 30 minutes from start to finish. That's easily 27 more minutes than I have stamina for....

{realizes I was using my out loud voice for that last bit....blushes and runs out of the room}

"First, let me use this public platform to protest the name 'Browns'. Paul Brown was a football coach. My great-grandfather was a Civil War general who led Union troops to victory in eastern Kentucky. He promoted the abolition of slavery and civil rights in the post-Civil War era. He fought corruption and raised the presence of the United States in foreign affairs. And of course, he gave his life when a madman shot him only months into his presidency.

"I call on you, football fans! Stand with me! This team should no longer be called the Cleveland Browns, bowing to the ego of a mere football coach, but should be the Cleveland Garfields, after the greatest man in Cleveland history! Who's with me? Applaud if you wish to support and compete with the Cleveland Garfields!

"And now we shall make our pick.

"With the 5-175 pick for the Cleveland Garfields in the 2017 NFL Annual Player Selection Process, United States President James A. Garfield and I are pleased to announce the selection of Aviante Collins, Offensive Tackle, TCU."

As he leaves, Mr. Garfield points an accusing finger at the Broncos' draft table. "It's people like you that my great-grandfather fought!" he yells. "Cheating! Corruption! Scandal! If he was alive today, you would all be in prison! You're the modern face of Charles Guiteau!"

BRING BACK DUSHKU!!!!!!!

He raises a fist high into the air. "Cleveland Garfields!"

Mr. Garfield goes to the Cleveland table and taps out a message on a telegraph to Tambaberry that Cincinnati is now in power, just like Chester A. Arthur rose to post-Garfield power in 1881.