Widower's Club
 

Gained membership into the club last Saturday at 8:10AM.

Throwing a party today. Bunch of people coming to the farm today. Spreading ashes. It is kinda ****ed up because we came out here to get away from people, yet today what I need is people around me, but I'm also *REALLY* looking forward to them all going away.

We weren't Christian. In neither of our estimation (hers and mine) is she in "a better place", "teaching kids in heaven", or "fulfilling God's plan". Not to take anything away from you all who believe. That isn't even remotely my intent. Just thinking about the platitudes I've heard so far and how unhelpful the majority of them are. Her place was here, with me, with our dogs, with our animals. I had 30-40 years left with her. She is not where she belongs.

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Best thing I ever did was give her a gigantic leatherbound journal for our first anniversary. I now have the past 15 years of her innermost thoughts, her drawings, her struggles, and her victories all at my fingertips.

Biggest takeaway so far is that I just need to tread water for the next 6 months. No big decisions, no moving, no ending the lives of all my pets and then squaring myself away.

It has been a week and it has gotten "easier" to bear which is just code words for "just being in your house isn't gonna make you lose your shit"... it means that you get used to being in the house UNTIL you see something that brings up a specific memory or someone says something that touches on one of your inside secrets or struggles as a couple. Then you lose it all over again. Then, and only then, does your brain get the chance to prepare itself for the next time it sees or hears that specific reference.

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Life is short, it is beautiful... but it is also ****ing horseshit. The only actual and truly wonderful part of mine is gone.

https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries...msHuTgYiRw8e-Y

/don't worry about condolences for me or the like... take that energy and put it towards that person you married. Get up from your desk, find them, and squeeze the **** out of them instead.

💔 I'm so sorry.
It's the best and worst cake I make every year.

But make it I do.

I'm so sorry.
Nothing helps now but believe that time will chip away at the pain.

Sorry Janx.

That's a nice obituary . Sounds like you're handling it well.

Prayers with you, family and loved ones

She was my age. I’m so very sorry. Going to love my family even more today.

I took your advice and squeezed the **** out of my spouse and now I'M in the widower's club. :(

Every today can be held sacred for all the reasons we each acknowledge it to be sacred. May you for find peace in sorrow and gratitude and grief and joy and everything else that will come and go and come again. Thanks for the reminder, Janx.

Wife looked at me and said “all of this because of a guy from the internet?”

No, but he certainly gave me a nudge.

Thanks Janx

Done, and I'm gutted for you. My wife is my best friend and I can't imagine life without her.

Sorry for your loss. She seemed like a great person.

Welcome to the club. Hang your coat and hat on the hooks by the door. There's some shitty coffee and stale donuts on the table. Have a seat.

My condolences to you and your family at this time. May God give you the strength you need for you to support all of those around you during this period.

:grovel: