Anyone ever had to kick their kid out of the house?
 

My step son is veering dangerously close to this. His mom is already wanting him out...is there even remotely a good way to go about this?

Is he 18?

Key question
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19

Then he can get the **** out.

We haven't even been super strict or anything and he literally can't go 5 minutes without being a stupid ****.

since he is your step son maybe the mom needs to sack up and do it……

What are his issues?

Kid got a job?

Be careful. A lot of pornos start with asshole step sons these days.

No.

However, if his biological mother wants him out, that seems like a pretty major hurdle you'd need to clear if you want to go that route.

If he drinks all of his beer, that's crossing the line

Dude she would like to strangle him..he's a giant piece of shit to her all the time.

She could literally say "it's nice today" and he's go into a 10 minute diatribe about how stupid she is for thinking that. And then act like she not allowed an opinion...yet if he's ever spoken to about anything important unless you're patting his ass he goes into the "don't yell at me" shit when no one's yelling and throws a pity party..

To be fair also he's super manipulative and a therapist told me he's at best borderline sociopathic.

So he doesn’t have a job
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Unless it involves some type of real criminal behavior, and I'm not talking about pot smoking or underage drinking, I don't see many great outcomes to kicking out the kid. Does he has somewhere to go or a means to have somewhere to go?

Doubtful he would learn any real life lesson other than to be able to learn how to identify an asshole.

Nope, he goes through them like butter cause he won't get up. I got him a job making 17 an hour with lots of OT available lasted 2 weeks...

Yet he has bills, he's maxed credit cards, won't liscense his car, is driving with no insurance.

I think it's time for both of them to go.

military school

The day I got the 100 dollar bill for his cancelled car insurance and I said this has my name on it..and he literally shrugged and said oh well and walked away shit vastly changed.

Mom might be right
You’re a good man though
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Why did he have car insurance in your name? Did you allow that to happen?

It’s going to be tough if you’ve let him get away with this so far.

Plus even if you tell him to leave….is he going to? He’ll just call your bluff.

My sister did it twice.

She’s also a shitbag. And obviously no longer married to either kids dad. If the kid is an adult, sure. Fire away. From her experience I’d say get involved with the kid before their behavior is so bad that you’re willing to kick them out.

Also if you’re going to do it you need to come to terms with the reality you’ll be facing. It is a very difficult path emotionally. And you (and the wife) have to be prepared to deal with those emotions without letting it impact the situation with that kid or any of your other kids. It’s tough. Also pretty good chance the kid is going to hate you. Especially if they don’t want to do it. If it’s me, my message is I love you but this has to happen. But this is going to suck in a big way.

If it’s me I lay out clear boundaries with incentives and punishments. Then I try to get at what their real problem is. Most kids behavior problems are them Lashing out about something else. I’d probably fail because I’m shit at emotional stuff. But I could implement a performance improvement plan as good as anybody.

Good luck. I don’t envy you.

When he was 16 we basically had to be on it because we lived in the same house...were not in it now cause I wanted remove yet the agent was like the company knows your his parent so you get that bill.

It's bullshit.

You might want to check with an attorney. As crazy as things are today, it wouldn't surprise me if he doesn't have some sort of tenant rights and you'd have to give him legal notice or some such shit.

Also, how do you think he'd react? Do you think he might be dangerous?

Secretly call multiple military recruiters and give them all of you stepson’s contact info. Wait. Hope. Dreams do come true.

Oh. Well that’s a much different conversation.

If you want to stay this is what will happen. If not you have 5 days. I love you but this is how it’s going to be.

This is all you needed to say about the situation honestly.

You know what must be done.

After school he told us he was joining the air force...it was a lie to get people off his back.

Maybe I am not reading you righ., But, the insurance company sent you a bill, on a policy you are not on and they told you are liable for it. Family relation has nothing to do with it at that point. You were no longer on the policy, correct? I don't see how that falls on you shoulders.

Yea it's something I have to get cleared up, I'm pretty sure they think we're in his policy when we're not or something got ****ed up.

Still the point is his reaction was not on.

You need to make it uncomfortable (comfort wise) to live there, take away anything that you are paying for (wi-fi, food, clothes etc). Give him a jar of peanut butter and some white bread, don't do his laundry, set curfews so that he wants to GTFO.
If you just want him to straighten up and fly right at home make clear what is expected behavior wise from him and make sure he knows that you will evict him if he deviates from it. If he doesn't want to live by your rules then...
Give him X amount of days to leave and if he doesn't, tell him you will serve eviction papers on him and then follow through. Get in contact with your local mental health folks to help find a place suitable for him if he does suffer from mental health problems.
Good luck, it wont be easy for/on you and your wife.

If you're going to kick him out you should understand that this ending well for him is unlikely. And you have to be ok with that.

He's not going to get kicked out and all of a sudden grow up and stop being a shit head. If anything he'll get heavier into weed/booze etc, resent you and his mother (mostly you) and maybe spiral further out of control.

He'll likely only be somewhat out of your life. He'll complain about how ya'll dont love him, how this is ya'll's fault, he'll guilt trip you and call you to bail him out everytime he puts himself in a ****ed situation.

So while he'll be out of the house and you don't have to deal with him on a daily basis, you're really just trading one se of problems for another.

How does he have maxed out credit cards at 19? Wouldn't he need a co-signer to get them?

I would have destroyed that insurance company over the phone.

They have zero grounds to touch a relative unless we are not getting the whole story.

Time for the ole heave ho. Doesn't sound like he'll get his shit together until he's forced to.

I got my first credit card at 19. It was a crappy $500 limit with Capital One.

I believe a lot of retail stores will approve younger folks as well.

Knock his head off his shoulders thatll straighten him up

Maybe, but problems at a distance are always better than problems up close.

I think I did too, but I also had a job that I'd had since I was 16 and had been an authorized user on my mom's card since then too.

I don't see how a teenager who doesn't hold down jobs would be able to get multiple credit cards. Maybe 1 but if you max it out and you don't have any income, how do get more without a co-signer?

You're never going to be able to control his actions. So don't even think about them.

Tell him to pay the bill and kick rocks. And be done with it. He is an adult now. He gets pulled over and gets a ticket for expired insurance. Oh well, on him. He gets in a wreck with no insurance, oh well, on him. Those are life experiences one can learn from. Being kicked out onto the street with the colder months coming up, with no means to support himself with proper shelter I don't see how any of that could help.

Parenting don't stop at 18. Not saying you need to hold their hand. But what real good has come from sending someone out onto the streets ever really done for any one other than getting them out of your hair.

His mom wants him gone?


And you started this thread first??

I presume you and his mother have laid down what is expected of him and what is not? And what is unacceptable?

Hmmm...my mom kicked me out of the house once...right after she punched me in the face. And I ****ing deserved it.


It was about as real of a life lesson as I'll ever have.

Honest Question. Didn't you live at home well into adulthood?

Circumstances matter. If you're booting him out so you can have a naked room, you should probably give him a date to be out so he can make arrangements. Help the kid land on his feet.

If he's being a scumbag, stuff his crap into a garbage bag. He's being disrespectful to his mother in your home? That should be handled on the spot.

Did Mecca mention anything about crime or drugs?

He did mention the kid is a sociopath. And you’re advocating Mecca play into that as some type of fearful worrywart. Exactly what a manipulator wants.

Until he's ready to help himself, I don't see that there's a great way to do it. I've heard from so many people who have that kid, that brother/sister, etc, who had to hit rock bottom before they figured it out.... and if the kid feels like he has all the control (free place to stay, can be a complete shithead to everyone around him), there's zero incentive for him to one day come to you and say he's moving out because he has it all figured out and wants to start paying for his own place with a real job, etc, outside of potentially chasing tail.

There's always charging rent and so forth, or saying he can live there as long as he has a full time job and is looking to move out or is full time in school... so, he at least has options. But, I assume you've tried that and other things and you're already at the end of your rope.

People have a way of getting their shit together when forced to do so, and that's all you can hope for.

Is his biological father in the picture at all? If so maybe he can help out.

He is not.

Well that was you.

The was no real hope for you any way. ;)

On it's next to last move travel trailer in the back yard. It will give him a future once the axe finally strikes. Onward young man.

This is only semi-related, but if the kid doesn't have (or can't hold) a job, how does he get money to live? If some of that is coming from the parents, that's a tool for leverage.

Worst case, you pay for the kid's first three months of rent on the condition that he'll never move back in. And then you change the locks. Keeping him out is probably easier than getting him out.

Is he a St. Louis Blues fan?

Have you considered ****ing his dad? If not, I know a guy...

Just one person of course, but my brother was homeless for a while and then got his shit together pretty quickly... he had found a place to stay after my parents were over it, but relied on a few roommates for rent, and I believe got evicted when they bailed. He's had a full time job ever since.

Sister was incredibly lazy, had a kid, and shaped up/grew up real quick.

I obviously don't know this kid at all, but a lot of people are only lazy shitheads because they have the safety net of taking advantage of everyone else. Take away the safety net and they get off their lazy ass and grow up.

And if they don't, well... they would be living with you forever.

My first thought.

It sounds crazy, but there was a 30-something year old who sued his parents for kicking him out. They had to go through the eviction process. Definitely worth a call to someone who might do a free consultation.

Maybe you should take him to the Marine Recruiter. They're hiring, offering a place to live and food.

Seems like there are only 3 choices here if the kid wants to stay in the house:
- Get a job
- Go to college
- Join the military

If not, evict him. And after the 30 day notice make sure you have the police show up to escort him out.

And document everything!

Touché :D



I will say that her punching me sent far more of a message than kicking me out did. The realization that I had driven her to the point that she would do that was quite a reality check.

No offense, but to me it sounds like you guys enabled him to the point he got like this and now you're taking the easy way out.

How does he have credit cards, a car, I'm a assuming a cell phone, etc. if he couldn't hold down a job? If you guys paid for all those, how was he to ever learn responsibility or accountability?

Slayer was on the streets? I liked that kid. I'm glad he's doing well.

That is a outlier. He could have easily found himself under a bridge with a growing meth addiction and future spiraled in homelessness.

We are talking about a kid who is struggling in some way right now. My point is adding the enormous struggle of being homeless does not help like most would think it would. Tough love can be tough and have adverse outcomes.

He will whip your ass, brah. Better have Billay do it.

I do think he does need the military. That would be the great option. Sounds like a kid who hasn't had the best direction in life. Maybe a little forced discipline would be best for him.

Yeah, this is a tough one. I don't even have kids so I don't recommend listening to anything I say..

But kicking him out, as many others have noted, is the nuclear option. There's a good chance he ends up in a worse position and irreparably damages his relationship with his mom (and you). I would consider literally every other course of action before going that route.

Well, seems to me that there are steps before this one.

Kid doesn't want to work, go to school, or the military.

I'm certain there's a cellphone, video game console-and there's a car, fer ****sake. How does he have a car if he didn't have a job?

Probably too late to take the car. But I'd pay for nothing whatsoever for his entertainment. Tell him he gets a job by the end the month or he's cut off entirely financially. He will pay his own cell bill. If the car is in your names, he will pay for it to be insured, or you'll take it back and sell it. No more free ride.

shouldn't have to do that at 19. I was in a damned hurry to get out of the house myself.

Can I assume that tried standard helpful solutions like antifreeze and hitting him with a branch from an AIDS tree? Have you also tried to get him to in with a girl who lived close to you? If all of this has been tried, then I think we’ve exhausted all possible remedies. He must leave. There can be only one.

I was going to inquire as to whether he was forgetting to put the toilet seat down and jobless or selling drugs out of the house but 19 and yelling at Mom.

https://c.tenor.com/ALiwiwfUSdEAAAAC/jazzy-jeff.gif

His aunt gave him his car..he pays for his phone and gas by donating plasma. I have never paid for any of that.

He held a part time job at O'Reilly's for 4 months and applied for credit cards...he got his buckle card when he worked there for a month.

As many have in this thread, we've forgotten our roots in the antifreeze and AIDS tree solutions.

Thank you Peter Gibbons for bringing us back to our roots.

First thing I'd do is make sure neither you nor his mom are legally or financially linked to him, or he to you. Insurance, credit cards, etc.

It wasn't my kid, but we were allowing a younger friend to stay with us until he got back on his feet. I became obvious he didn't have plans to do that. I drove him to the homeless shelter. Two years later he had a solid, long-term job and was engaged. Sometimes people just need a wake up call.

We pay for nothing...he's supposed to pay us rent actually, him being late with it or quitting a job 2 weeks before is a big reason my wife wants to kick him out cause why baby him for being irresponsible.

I get it. I do think jumping to homeless is a big assumption though unless he literary has no friends or family to stay with temporarily.

Considering he's now 19 and there's already an example of struggling when he's 16, my mind leans towards this being an absolute last resort after already trying many things.

The kid could have mental issues to overcome with the help of others, but it doesn't read like he's willing to help himself at all in that regard.

You really can't help people who refuse to admit they need help... something has to change, whether it's forcing them to be an adult, or the flip side of being homeless, getting into trouble with the law, etc. And even most inpatient stays require a violent episode before they'll take someone, if that's even a thing involuntarily at 19.

I should have clarified, but not Slayer... he always had a "be better than Bearcat" thing growing up that helped drive him, heh.

My sisters been dealing with something sort of like this. Son is mid 30s. Wife maxed out his credit cards then skipped town for Boston with her boink thing. He got evicted from his apartment, car repo'ed. So now he's living in Moms basement with no car and broke on his ass. At least he has a job and will hopefully get back on his feet after he pays off everything. But his credit has been wrecked and his life is seriously f'ed. Hate to see my sister have to deal with it. Everybody in her immediate circle leans on her for financial and emotional support. I feel sorry for her.

he sounds like my step brother and while he's a decent person he dealt with untreated bipolar disorder for a long time

it sounds like the kid might have mental health issues. I don't have any advice other than well it's okay to protect your own sanity. i know i'm just a stranger on the internet but I'm sorry your family has to deal with it, it sounds like a shit situation.

it does sound like you and your wife are supportive even if he's hard to live with.

Anyone ever had to kick their kid out of the house?
 

Definitely need more information about what the actual negative behavioral patterns and issues are. So far it’s a few unrelated events such as late on rent, not liking work, not caring about step dads money, or moms feelings. So far there is nothing I could say justifies kicking him out.