Jury Summons
 

I've received a jury summons and I'm not interested in participating in a jury- so here's your chance to offer up suggestions that might disqualify me.

Just say you are prejudice against all races.

Tell them that you believe strongly in the death penalty, and that a person stealing a candy bar should have their hand cut off.

Also any hang 'em fry 'em remark works.

Talk about how you commited a simliar crime and got away with it

Tell 'em you don't need to hear the evidence. You can spot a criminal a mile away.

How about doing your civic duty, ensure a fair verdict for the accused?

Tell them you went to school with the defendent and thought he was a real prick back then.

Just state that you want to kill them all and let god sort'em out.

I have always liked to use this one:

Defense Attorney: "Do you think that just because a person is accused of a crime, they are guilty?"

"Absolutely, let's be real here ma'am/sir; if the defendant wasn't guilty they wouldn't be here, would they?"

Or you can jst sit there and stare directly at the defendant while they question the other potential jurors.

They don't pay nearly enough for all the money they have.

I'm off to waste my time there tomorrow. I'm sure as soon as they hear my profession, I'll get a thanks and a 'don't let the door. . . ' But the legislature, in their infinite wisdom, are no longer letting folks like me give an out.

No, they don't. According to the summons, the first three days are to be paid by your employer and the following days, you get $50.00/day.

If that wasn't bad enough, they mail you a check six weeks after you've completed jury duty.

At least that's what it says on the summons.

A lawyer on a jury.......how novel.

Tell them you like to stab judges in the face.

Its not supposed to be a money maker for you....its a civic duty, not unlike voting.

If you don't at least go down and do your part, which in now way means you'll be even selected...I don't see that you can bitch about any "unfair trial" in the future.

Depending on the scope of the trail, if you show any modicum of intelligence you are not likely to be selected.

That should definitely work for an old fart like yourself.

Chill there, Mr. Patriot

I never said anything abuot NOT going to the summons. I plan on following through on my civic duty and I'm not "bitching" by any means. Lighten up and have some fun with it.

The fastest I ever saw was:

The plaintiff's attorney is my next-door-neighbor, we're good friends, and I'd believe anything he told me.

Raise your hand every few minutes and when they call on you act like you don't know what they're talking about



ROFL ROFL

"......the prosecution rests."

"I am sorry, what happened"

Just be yourself, cosmic. Just be yourself.