Weird Night
 

So I had to work pretty late, which is rough because my wife is due any minute, now...so everything in our life seems very up in the air. So I'm ina weird stae of mind, as it is...

I'm driving home, and my wife calls me in a panic. Obviously I'm thinking it's time to go to the hospital, but no. Apparently the Independence SWAT team went sprinting through our yard, as the armored vehicle drove up to our neighbor's door and a couple of shots were fired. My wife was a wreck, scared to death. So I told her to get to the basement away from any windows, while I talked to her on the phone till I got home. I pulled in the driveway, and investigators are all over the place, the armored vehicle has re-parked itself in the street, and all the SWAT guys are sitting in another vehicle. I ask them what happened (not expecting a straight answer) and whether it was safe or if I needed to get my wife and go, and they said it was safe, and all they could tell me was that they were "Serving a Warrant." A couple of hours later... and they are still scouring the place.

I finally come in from that excitement and sit down... and I start coughing. I get a pretty bad cough a couple of times a year, for seemingly no reason. Anyhow, I start coughing so hard that I passed out. I was sitting in my chair, and I remember going into a coughing fit, and then all I know is that there was a ton of weird sound in my head... and finally my wife yelling at me. I guess she heard me cough, then something didn't sound right, and came in to find me sitting with my eyes open, and my arms and legs shaking, and me not breathing, and my face beet red. My head feels weird as hell, now, but I guess I'm fine.

She yelled at me that the baby was going to come when she was ready, and the world had to stop trying to scare her into labor...ROFL

Go to the doctor. That's not normal.

Ha crazy night. My uncle laughs so hard sometimes he will pass out. Never heard of it from coughing though. :shrug:

Is your wife not Jilly?

I haven't been to the doctor in years. I finally got insurance last year, but never went and got an actual doctor. To be honest, I'm not even sure how you "start" going to a doctor.
I know that sounds weird, I just haven't been in about 10 years, other than the clinics at CVS, an urgent care place here in town a couple of years back when I had pneumonia, and the ER once at Mizzou.

She is.

Well, congratulations to you both. I hope you don't have a coughing fit in the delivery room.

I'm mostly the same way. Just pick one that your insurance will pay for and schedule an appointment. When you gotta go, you gotta go. We're not spring chickens anymore.

Thanks. Me too.

Perhaps her OB will show you the placenta, as my wife's did. Hilarious man.

I want none of that.
I'll be up by Jilly's head, waiting for them to bring the cleaned off baby to us. I don't want to see anything, I don't want to cut anything. That's why those doctors get paid!!! ROFL
I certainly want to do my best not to pull a Tiny Evel.

I almost wonder if you coughed so hard you performed the Valsalva maneuver on yourself.

This is your first? If so, prepare for the smell. I wasn't.

Hadn't even thought about that scenario. Thanks for the one more thing to worry about. Damn.

Is she going to have an epidural if she needs it?

The good news is my new Maxim came in the mail, and Megan Fox is on the cover.

Yes. And I'm afraid that I know where you are going.

Yes, great news for a woman who is nine months pregnant and feeling like a freaking beached whale!!! AND wait just a second.... who made you cookies?? Huh???

Used to be, whenever I would laugh or cough really hard, the room would start spinning and I would lose the ability to sit up straight (like you get when you're really dizzy). I think it had to do with my sinuses. Hasn't happened in quite some time. I never actually passed out, though.

You subscribe to Maxim??

ROFL

That's happened to me quite a few times over the past few years, especially scary when I'm driving. This is the first time that's happened to me.

Probably just a nugget. They'll pick it up quickly. That wasn't the smell that really got me, though.

In high school I had some friends who would make themselves pass out, but even while they were unconscious, they did weird shit. They came over to my house one day, and did it to me. This felt very close to that... coming out of it.

Yeah. I like the articles.

Happened to me one time while I was driving 65 mph down the highway. Scared the shit out of me.

I never figured out exactly why it was happening, or really even why it stopped. I was told when I was younger that I have partially blocked sinuses. Maybe something to do with too much pressure on the brainstem or something?

Amen to that, Mr. Sully. If you have one, call your doctor first thing in the am and tell him/her about the episode. If you don't have one, consider going to the ER. The bottom line is that the human body isn't designed to pass out as a result of a coughing fit. It sounds like the blood supply to your brain was temporarily cut off. Not only is that bad from the whole "passing out" point of view, but it could result in permanent brain damage which really sucks unless you enjoy eating baby food through a bendable straw and playing Jingo 12 hours a day in your pajamas.

FAX

Oh, and did you ever find out what the warrant was for?

Well...
Though I've never played Jingo, i do appreciate my pajamas.

ROFL

If this comes up again, I'll definitely call a doc.

Jilly is frantically searching websites for a diagnosis.
Apparently I have a sensitive Vagal nerve. Who knew? I wonder if I can get that taped up.

Is the cover the best pic of her? Seems like the pics inside are never what I expect....or hope. Only one I can think of that didn't fit that criteria is one of the Christina Aguilera ones.

Dude.....you can't even spell, can you?

no, they wouldn't tell us....so I guess we'll never know.

I haven't opened it up.

ROFL
I guess that was definitely coming.

How much does that pay?

Is this Jilly's first child, too?

Dude, get yourself to a Dr. Go to the local clinic and see which ones are covered by your insurance and schedule an appointment. Give them a phone number of your last clinic so they can fax your medical records.

Do it tomorrow.

If nothing else, they should give you a shot for your vaginal nerve.

Look up "cough syncope".

Be careful driving. We had a guy in Spokane that started coughing while he was driving, passed out, crossed a wide center berm and hit another vehicle head on, killing five kids.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/06/us...nt&oref=slogin

yes...

Agreed. The vaginal nerve is nothing to fool around with. Unless, of course, it happens to be someone else's vaginal nerve ... say, one belonging to a young, nubile blonde just out looking for some fun. Even then, they say that, when your vaginal nerve is tweaked, it can take awhile to recover.

FAX

My brother had the same problem. Every now and then he would go into a coughing fit and sometimes pass out from it. After several trips to a few different doctors and ER's over the course of about a year he was no better off. When finally this old small town doctor checked him out and told him he had a problem with his sinus' and they were basically draining / dripping on the back of his throat and causing him to cough.

After some antibiotics and some strong sinus meds he was fine.

Quoted for ****ing truth. Words can't really describe. And god forbid the doc has to break the water in the delivery room. *shudders at memory*

Weird. Just yesterday my wife told me a story about a guy she works with who was sitting on his couch talking to his wife when he started coughing real hard. The next thing he remembered was the ambulance. Apparently he had a seizure. Tests have been done but the cause is still unknown.

Flippin wings fans... think their kids have the right to drink from lord stanley the day they are born

please stop scaring him even worse! I don't need a passed out husband in the delivery room!!!

Hell, have him tape himself passing out like TinyEvel did, then youtube it. :D

How much longer until you hold the baby, not carry it? Days or hours?

nothing says miricle of life than "hey...your coochie stinks"

No, the miracle is the coochie shrinking back to normal size. It would be like you trying to pass a crabapple out the head of your ween.

I'm due on Saturday...but I wish it was RIGHT FREAKING NOW! The good news is that we have a lot of cookies hanging around the house.

Man, you need to see a doctor. Not just for the cough, but in general. There are lots of things that can go on in the body without any indication and very minor or no symptoms at all (borderline diabetes for example). You basically ask a coworker or friend if they like the doc they see, call, and make an appointment for a new patient exam/physical. It is no big deal and you should do it every year or two. You could have some freaky lung disease or something. Oh, and note to self. `If wife becomes a member of CP, never talk about delivery room war stories.

Cool! I'll have a drink for you and Sully when I'm out in Vegas Saturday. :evil:

Congrats and good luck with your new upcoming life.

Seriously? Crap...I've been dating a girl that has a kid and I thought she was loose because of the kid. time to order a pump

WTF does this mean? Someone expound upon this without being too graphic?

LMAO

Afterbirth has a smell unlike anything you've smelled.

Or start asking some questions...

All the mingling of various fluids?

I have no idea what goes into that smell, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know. All I DO know is that it stinks. Bad.

Good to know. I would never have thought of this.

If you're really ready for it to be over, go have yourself some sechs.....

http://www.webmd.com/baby/inducing-l...can-it-be-done

Sometimes I will cough so hard from taking a bong rip that I get a HUGE rush to my head and it will sometimes make me so dizzy I will fall over.

Pretty comical if you just happen to be there, though a 6'3 230lb guy doesnt fall down lightly. Objects must be removed from the premises in order to prevent any personal property damage or physical injury.

Hanging cookies isn't going to do any good, I'm afraid, Ms. Jilly.

Garlic will fend off Vampires and the occasional, hypersensitive Werewolf, but cookies don't do much - unless they're peanut butter chip in which case they will keep you reasonably safe from Erik Estrada should he come skulking around looking to load you up on his Kawasaki and carry you off to his cave for a lengthy interrogation.

FAX

Yup.... bend her over a trashcan.... Worked to bring out my little one back in the dya...

Yup, me too. Didn't plan it like that, but it sure had an impact.

tried it...not over a trashcan, maybe that's the problem.... but as you can tell, I'm still here talking to you all....

All the other suggestions are such old wives' tales... walking, etc. seriously, with this much awkwardness, just moving takes some effort!!!

Y'all are scaring me about his coughing thing, though. It is nice to know that there are some men out there that encourage going to the Dr. I hope he gets convinced.

Just keep trying.... what's the harm in that? :D

Seriously, good luck to you both!

So nice not having to pull out. The damage is already done anyways

Could be worse. I was two weeks late. My poor mom.