a question for those divorced with kids...
 

My bro in law was in an aweful 5 year marriage. They had 2 stillborna babies and then finally two beautiful kiddos. The Boy is 5 Today and the little girl is 3 After a very rocky 5 years, they split up for good after being off and on for most of that 5 years.

He joined the Army and is on his way to Iraq in the next few weeks. He is stationed in Washington State and ex lives in Kansas.

He came back on the 22nd of December and stayed till the 3rd of Jan.

X has been pretty relaxed on letting him see the kids when ever he is on leave (as she should because she pretty much gets half of what ever he earns including bonus)

She also lets us see the kiddos when ever we want. We usually get them one weekend a month as we live 2 hours away.

My QUESTION is...

would any x keep you from seeing your kids?

He made no attempt to see his kids at all during the time he was here because "he didn't want to deal with her bullshit" SO...he did not see them for Christmas nor did he spend any time with his son before his birthday

WTF???

You would have to hunt me down and kill me to keep me from seeing my kids. My kids are #1 in my life. All else is a distant 2nd.

Yes. My ex husband did. It was the only thing left in the world he could control me with. I was almost a widow.

that is the way I am as well.

I am really ashamed of him that he made no attempt to see his kids. It is like since he joined the army, he has forgotten the last 7 years and forgotten that he has kids.

He got together with all his buddies but not once saw his kids.


GRRRRRRRRR I am so mad.

I practically raised the son when he was 6 months old till he was 3 as the bro in law lived with us and had him 90 % of the time.

I love that boy like he was my own, and if given the choice, that boy would gladly live with me.

I had to get a lawyer to get my ex to give me regular visitation. She fought me the entire way.

there is always two sides to every story.

I know both sides...

they lived with us for most of that 5 years...



he just didn't want to talk to her or deal with her

his direct quote

What the wise man said.


Someone in my family is going through something on this topic and routinely eats shit sandwiches and bends over backwards to see his kids....as he should....and I guarantee this broad is twice the filthy pirate hooker of your ex sil.

thanks...

I really don't think she would have made too big a deal over it as she has moved on with a steady eddie the last year.

I think he just didn't want to have responsibility, cause most of the time he was back, he was partying with the guys.



I will just have to be super aunt and love them as much as I can

Of course. Half the family lawyers wouldn't be in practice if it was just about splitting up divorce property. People who want to fight about kids can do it for the whole 18 (and sometimes 21) years.

I understand that, but she has never denied him time with his kids


she wanted him to spend time with them..


she is a hag, but she loves her kids and wants them to know their daddy


this one is all on him

That's great for now. But if he comes back, sometimes people start changing their minds. This usually happens when one partner gets remarried, butit can also happen in this situation if mom decides things aren't as convenient as she thought they would be or doesn't like the way the kid is being influenced.

Sorry if that's a downer, hopefully things will stay great. Lots of people do manage to make it work and realize it should be about the kid and not about who can win a fight.

Based on Post 9, it sounds to me like he didn't want to see the kids. That's unfortunate.



I've never been divorced, but I have a cousin who's been in one of those 20-year custody battles that banyon described. The parents have undoubtedly screwed those kids up beyond belief as well as spending all of their inheritance on lawyers. It's really pretty tragic that they can't move on and can't see the example they're setting. I bet those kids never get married.

I think you are right...he just didn't want to be bothered.

and that breaks my heart. He has two great kids and they are a lot of fun!

Your wife doesn't come first?

My brother just got divorced after being married for 14 years. He's a bum who doesn't want to pay child supprt or see his kids. My mom goes over to my ex-sil's house about three to four times per week. Helps with household chores, goes ofer my nephew's math and spelling homework with him, etc. I love to hear stories about how my younger niece made student council, my nephew got his bonus words right on his spelling test, etc. She talks to my brother, and all he asks is if she gave his ex his phone number, how she's a bitch, etc. Says she was texting him about child support, but not wanting him to see the kids, etc. She has good reason. He bitches, but has he ever tried to see them? No. Does he ask mom about them at all? No. She talks about what they've been doing, and he starts text messaging his friends. He is 36 years old, yet has never gotten over feeling like the world owes him something for nothing. He's a total douche.

He sounds like a real prince of a man.

Lived with you for FIVE(5) years...and now makes excuses to not see his kids when he's back on leave?

Maybe her new man will want to be their father.

yea, that is what I am afraid of. I would be devistated if I didn't get to see those babies.

I really don't think she would do that to hubby and me as we try to get them at least once a month and spoil them when we have them...clothes and toys not to mention all the love and attention we can give them

If its anything like the situation I'm familiar with....the last 10 words are the most necessary and needed.

My ex-sil has a new man in her life. He's awesome with the kids. Has one of his own from a previous marriage that's their age that he has part time. My mom has told both my brother and ex-sil that she is not getting in the middle of the two of them. She's there to see the kids and is only interested in what's best for them. My ex-sil told her she's welcome over anytime she wants.

Good chance her problems are with him, not you...

I've got to fight my ex for time with kids. She will look you in the eye and say "I will work with you whenever you want to see the kids." and turn around and call the cops claiming that you kidnapped them.

I guess I lucked out. My ex walked out of the house when my son was almost two. (It was a Thursday.) Said that he would be back the next day to pick up the babe so he could spend the weekend with him.
My son just turned 16 in December.
One of the most heart wrenching things, as a mother, is to walk out of the kitchen and see your child sitting on the porch step, waiting on a father, which you know will never come.
I may not understand it, but I have lived it.

Plenty of ex's try to keep the other parent from seeing their kids. However, that's not what this sounds like. Sounds like he just doesn't care and doesn't have the guts to be a dad.

I just don't understand people like this. I have my daughter 3 times a week and it's not enough. Luckily my ex and I get along fine and my daughter and I are best buddies and I can get her a lot.

Damn that's sad.


A long but fascinating story of Dr. J and the daughter that he was estranged from for 20+ years, and their recent reconciliation.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/etick...rjandalexandra

Exactly! No one would keep me from seeing my kids.

My buddy is going through the early stages of divorce. His wife is a useless mother. She has no maternal instinct whatsoever, she just wants to party down like it's college, and she's in her early 40s!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. He's a great dad, but in Mass., getting custody is pretty tough for the father. We'll see.

This

It might be a good idea to stay away if the woman pisses you off so much it effects your action toward you kids

great story, thanks for the link

Long story (sure I shared it about two years ago) - anyway, yes - an x did. flew to dallas, drove down to pick them up and she wouldn't answer the door. filed a police report at the local station, couldn't do anything else about it that day. horrible, flying back home between two empty seats. Anyway, it was awesome when the judge looked at her (female judge too) and said;

"if you ever, for any reason other than a court order, ever ever interfere with him seeing his kids again, I will not hesitate to throw you in jail for three weeks. I don't care if you are a cop."

her response was a wide eyed "yes ma'am."

We were going through other things at the time, it was a mess.

naaa Believe me, it was way better that way. I might remember the pain, but he doesn’t.
Some people just aren’t cut out to raise a different abilitied child. Some people can’t stand the thought of their dreams of their son not becoming that high school football hero too much to bear. Heck I wasn’t too worried about him fitting in to my cheerleading skirt, lol, so I was happy with him “as is”

and thanks for the link!

He could question they're his

Sounds like this guy is just disengaged. Whether he never wanted to have kids, or is dealing with deployment or maybe feelings of being a failed father/husband.

I think if these kids have you in their lives as a source of happiness and guidance and you want to continue that role, talk to the mom about maybe taking them overnight once in a while. I'm sure she'd appreciate the break.

My parents divorced when I was 8. We were almost glad because they fought alot and we figured our house would now be more peaceful. We loved both our parents equally though. Our dad took us every other weekend. It came to a point where he would just pull in the bottom of the driveway and honk the horn, because when he came in they'd fight.

A buddy of mine has been in Iraq for the past 3 years. Has a cute little girl. He's recently going to be getting a divorce from an incredibly beautiful, supportive and understanding woman who wants to be w/ him. She just can't deal w/ him.

His attitude to his daughter when he comes back is pretty much "I already missed everything...so I don't care."

His little girl is only 2-3 years old. He's never really been around his little girl. It sucks and breaks my heart.

But he's just got that Bro's before ho's mentality right now. As much as I miss my friend I couldn't bring myself to want to hang out w/ him when he should be home w/ his family.

I don't even have kids and I couldn't do that.

My X did everything she could to keep me from my kids. I had to take her back to court.

She still tries to do everything she can to keep me away. She tried to not let my son go to my mothers funeral because he has scout camp. She said it was because of the money she had spend so I told her I would pay her back the friggin money if she couldn't get paid back. She then lied about it saying she couldn't get the money and I should pay her back. I made one phone call and found out it was not that way at all. Two months later she tried it again saying they changed the policy and she would have to use the money for scouts so I should pay her the money. I again made one phone call and found out that too was a lie. That is just one example of what kind of person she is. I will not get down in the dirt with her... my kids need one parent with an idea of right and wrong.

my brother in law's wife fled the country back to Venezuela with their child. It's pretty sad as he misses his son but he's pretty much screwed.

He's going to end up looking for years.

thanks,

we get them at least once a month for the weekend. We drive 1/2 way and meet her on Fridays and then drive 1/2 way back on Sundays to give them back.

that sounds like my bro in law!

I honestly couldn't be more ashamed. I don't understand what he's going through at all...but I don't care. Nothing should be more important than your kids. No matter how many bullets and bombs are pointed at you.

Horrible situation for the kids and for the dad once he straightens out and realizes what he missed out on...my dad was just as bad if not worse he left my mom when she was pregnant with me. On average it's been about 4 years between every phone call from him. Everytime he calls he asks why didn't I call him even when I was 12 and didn't know him at all. Last time I talked to him was because his wife had passed away...i'm sure he knew he was about to be alone and wanted to try and start a relationship but after 20 years it's a little too late