Bill Simmons: Not a Chiefs fan...
 

From his chat today:

Poor Bill, maybe he should go write about The Hills and covertly take swipes at Rick Reilly to assuage his angst...

I had Tom Brady and still made it to my championship. F Bill Simmons.

Who the **** is Bill Simmons?

That's actually good news, that douche whined about the sox for years before they won the series. Maybe he can keep giving the Chiefs some national coverage because he just can't let it go.

Bill Simmons: I'm gonna be honest - I hate the Chiefs more than I've ever hated anyone. I am seriously thinking about going down to KC in August for an exhibition game with a vial of chicken blood and putting some sort of Haitian curse on their season.

I think that curse expires after 19 years and can't be used again.

Really entertaining sports columnist on ESPN ( i believe)

What a sad, unfortunate, little man. Everybody knows you don't use chicken blood for Haitian voodoo. That's for curing warts and treating mild insomnia. For a real good Haitian curse, toad sweat's the thing. But, he probably doesn't exercise enough to work up a halfway decent curse.

FAX

I've always enjoyed Simmons' work...think you have to take his above answer with a touch of sarcasm.

F Bill Simmons twit.

Where the hell have you been!??!?

greeting Mr. Fax

I laughed.

Prodigal returns
Waves of joy shower my soul
Pouter forgiven.

Bill Simmons is ****ing interminable outside of his (admittedly pretty excellent) NBA writing.

Curing warts and dealing with mild insomnia, mainly, Mr. pestilenceaf23. It's more time-consuming than you might think. Do you have any idea how many ponds you have to visit to amass a half-pint of toad sweat? Plus, the little bastards hole up in the winter.

FAX

I believe the curse will be lifted once DT is inducted into the HOF. That might take another 19 years though :(

make sure you hold that toad the right way, or it might not be sweat you're collecting.
sec

Nice to see Fax again
Posting here and stuff
Half pint of toad sweat? Nasty

(dyslexic Haiku)

Hmmm. That might explain the lack of referrals in the wart-cure business. And here I thought it was the economy.

FAX

Dude knows ball, I'll give him that.

He doesn't know a damn thing about baseball outside of the east coast, especially if you involve the National League. His hockey takes suck and he just can't get past his homerism when it comes to football.

He's definitely jumped the shark from his old 'thesportsguy' days, but he's good for a light read.

He's better than Rick Reilly and his lunacy. His 'beer pong' article, followed up by his poorly research 'larry sr is a diety' tripe should be enough to get him fired. Alas, he will probably get some award and a raise for it.

me too.

I love that he's known as "The Sports Guy," he's about lower 5' area, about 140lb's, and he has a very high pitched voice. Yeah, he's the sports guy... now someone like Bo Jackson or Deion, or even Tony G, who have played multiple sports on higher levels, now those are sports guys. **** Bill Simmons. He is a ****ing writer. That's not sports.

He's actually 6' tall.

Chiefs fans need to get over their ****ing persecution complex. People make fun of the Chiefs because they suck. Period. Get over it. They aren't breaking into your house and ravishing your wife.

He looks like Adam Schefter.

this

Who the **** wastes their time reading Bill Simmons anyway?

The legend returns.

Hey, at least we're worth hating! :thumb:

I've heard Larry, Sr. is so diety that he's almost anorexic.

I have never in my entire life heard the name Bill Simmons.

How do you hate a team that sucks?

This is not good, Mr. Rain Man. Not good at all.

When you weren't looking, Bill may have snuck up behind you and slapped the Curse of Random Deafness on your ass.

FAX

Wow, i didnt realize you were capable of such meager things.

Welcome back dude. How is the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX doing?

Hey there, Mr. Frankie. Great to see you.

She's doing very well. Thanks for asking. Essentially, the docs have given her a green light to start living a normal life again. It was a trial, but she persevered and is now back to being herself. Almost. There are a couple of minor scars, but we've come up with a story having to do with a flat tire, a one-legged chicken, and a knife fight outside a Mexican bar that takes care of that. Otherwise, she's become a tad spoiled from all the attention, I think. You wouldn't happen to have a cure for "un-spoiling" a woman, would you?

FAX

Found him again!!!!

I dunno,... antifreeze?


OK, bad joke, but you know I didn't mean it. Fact is a good woman deserves to be spoiled every once in a while. The good ones don't STAY spoiled.

This is disturbing. I just thought maybe the sound wasn't working on the TV tonight, and that my cat had lost his voice.

Is Bill Simmons related to Richard Simmons??

...otherwise, I have no friggin' clue who this guy is...

I don't either, Mr. InChiefsHell. I had to look him up.

According to Wikipedia, he's some kind of sports writer or podcaster or something, is nicknamed "Sports Guy", and has a cat named "Purr" Simmons.

FAX

I like Simmons, I think he can be funny, but he does kind of do the "(insert name of city) sucks"
Jacksonville as a Super Bowl city sucked, Houston sucked. I don't read him much anymore because I consider ESPN the MTV of sports, but I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't taken some shots at Tampa this week. He's probably got a stock column about every city in the league, saying how bad it sucks, just in case he goes there. I'm not offended by him saying it, just that it's tired schtick.

Bill Simmons is the best columnist in America. Followed closely by Whitlock.

You must not be doing it right fax. I learned from my childhood in TN, that you shine a high powered flashlight in a frog's eyes, and he will not move. At that point you just walk up to him, pick him up, and wring him out like a wet rag.

1) This.


2) **** em'

Facts like this are why I love this place.

I learned something today.

Bill Simmons: Used to be funny

But, as so often happens, he got successful and decided to take residence in "Teh Suxor Resort." Kinda like Rick Riley, who also used to be fairly damn funny, only to have his ego stomp it into trite little nuggets of stupid.

It's a shame, really, because they are damn fine writers who I've enjoyed greatly in the past (especially Riley's SI column, which I often found terrific). They've just believed their own hype. And that has, in turn, seeped into their work.

All of that being typed, I don't see why anyone would care what the hell Simmons or anyone else thinks about the Chiefs. IMHO, until they start winning games, they don't deserve the respect. :shrug:

On another note, I'd like to ask FAX and sec about that whole toad thing because ... well, we have a creek close by and lots of toads (and frogs, even) and I was wondering if certain species were better.

You see, I have this "wart" and ... umm ...

MM
~~:spock:

Oh boo ****ing hoo, his fantasy season was ruined. :rolleyes:

Except he is not entirely right. A WET rag tends to wash off the sweat. To COLLECT it you need to use a DRY rag.

wow...that is kind of harsh

He said you wring the sweat out of a frog like a wet rag.

I hope Simmons DOES go to Arrowhead with a vial of chicken blood. Good luck staying alive, Mr. Simmons. On second thought, if it's an exhibition game, there'd only be a few thousand people there so it'd lose it's affect.

Did you mean to say "a regular season game?"

I love this place because it can take any anti-Chiefs remark, no matter how sarcastic, and turn the guy who said it into a complete low-life/nobody/piece of garbage.

I like him...a lot. He's one of my favorite sports writers...but you're USUALLY right...he knows the NBA and his favorite teams, but he's piss poor at projecting anything else...

That being said, he was pretty spot on with the NFL this year...for once.

I also think it's funny that no matter who it is...everyone hates everyone with an opinion on this board...I don't think anyone on this board actually likes a sports writer...other than our homer JoPo.

He's my favorite...

I wish his columns weren't so soaked in Boston homerism though...all of the time. It's very annoying considering how much I hate Boston.

Uh, I hate to burst everyone's bubble, but the Chiefs get NO respect regardless of how they play.

CIP:

1997 Playoffs, AFC West Champs, home field against Donkos, and before the game; a lovely John Elway ass-kissing anthem by Joe Walsh sung to the tune of his putrid classic rock dinosaur, "Rocky Mountain Way".

No love from the Fox desk save some obligatory, non-preferential remarks from James Brown.

That game was on NBC.

Who, ironically, is praised by Simmons as a "must read".

some of the people, actually the majority of this board, are so cynical it's depressing.

Simmons is a humorist, people need to stop taking him so seriously. The time you should even consider him an analyst is if he is talking about the NBA, though even his NBA material has been pretty weak lately, probably because the Celtics are finally relevant again.

I like JoPo just fine...but I like Simmons and Whitlock a hell of a lot more.

Whitlock is hit or miss a lot, but I think he's a very good columnist.

Everybody bashes on ESPN...and I think SportsCenter pretty much blows these days...but Rome is Burning, PTI...those are good shows. ATH is also a pretty good show even though I despise Jay Mariotti...

I like Simmons because he doesn't come across as arrogant...and I don't think Whitlock does, either...they both call themselves out when they get one wrong, the majority of the time. Simmons bashes himself like crazy.

I don't like Mariotti because he's all propaganda and thinks he's bigger than the game, same with Skip Bayless.

Those guys should be hated...but most people on this board hate any writer or broadcaster etc. etc. etc. just because they are totally cynical and know-it-alls blah blah blah...this board depresses me an awful lot. I think I'm going to cut myself.

that dude knows the NBA...

I thought when he was trying to convince the owner of the Bucks to make him the GM it might have actually worked...

He truly is one of the seventeen remaining NBA fans on this planet.

His NBA material is good, but you're just crazy if you think he has any of the skills or experience needs to be an actual GM. Being a clever sports writer has little to do with running an actual franchise.

I actually like Simmons, which is odd considering I absolutely loath anything to do with Boston sports. Well, except the Pats for some reason.

I really couldn't agree more. Simmons is one of the best NBA writers alive, and if you take him with a grain of salt, he's hilarious when writing about non Red Sox or Patriot-related items.

Mariotti is a ****ing scumbag and Skip Bayless really knows nothing about sports. Nothing. He's just an attention whore who says outlandish things to get himself on camera.

Whitlock is one of the most thoughtful columnists around, and although he's wrong at times, he is willing to admit it, an he provokes discussion through insight rather than just wanton dumbassery.

Seriously, it's an NBA GM. You watch tape, evaluate players first hand. Five guys are on the court at once, and no more than 8-9 receive any significant PT. There are no farm systems of substance, and all players have slotted contracts.

Anyone with an eye for talent and an IQ above 110 could perform that job and the cap-related responsibilities.

Nonetheless, no love was given to the Chiefs from FOX throughout that whole season.

They were an AFC team. FOX covers the NFC.

JoPo is not just a great sportswriter, he's a great writer period. He churns out writing on his blog every other day that is just plain better than the vast, vast majority of prose published in literary journals today. If anything, Posnanski is under appreciated.

FOX does do highlights from games that cross conferences, yes?

Yeah, with the other broadcasting network's logo still on the highlight.

It's still not easy to evaluate NBA players, manage the cap, or have the savy to negotiate and make trades. I see no reason to believe that Simmons could do any of these things. There is a reason there are so many shitty NBA GMs, it isn't an easy job. Yeah, the NBA has fewer players than an NFL team and the draft isn't as important, but that doesn't mean a sports writer could do the job.

It's the easiest of the major sports by far, and top 5 players are far less risky in the NBA than any other sport. All teams employ "capologists", and trades are actually pretty simple to make in a league with a soft cap where teams often want to dump salary and you only need to be within 25% of each other's salaries. Furthermore, you can spend more than anyone else to keep your own free agents.

Just because it's an old boys club filled with idiots and shitty managers doesn't mean it's hard.

Good to hear she's doing OK. Has she found the gum on the carpet yet?

I understand what you're saying but I don't know, it's harder to assemble a championship roster in the NBA I think. You can make the playoffs, but it's a lot different to try and make an actual run for a title. You can easily end up with guys that are almost untradeable (Marbury for instance, or T-Mac. I guarantee the Rockets would love to trade him but they can't. No one wants a max deal guy that doesn't drive the lane anymore and shoots fadeaways, if he's not hurt that is). And you can ship guys in trades but a lot of times you end up trading turd for turd. I think I'd rather be an NFL GM, where for the most part if you have a guy on your roster that sucks you can just cut him. In the NBA you can have Vin Baker collecting 14 million and playing 12 minutes for a whole year.

This year was so, so worth it.

He has his off moments, like that sloppy last kiss for Herm, but he's pretty much one of the best.

Yeah, that "what if we drafted Polomalu" column last week, too. Everyone has off-days when they have to pump out daily content while concurrently writing a book. I forgive him because his normal-standard is so damn high.