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wow, i just ..
took a 5 pound shit. life feels good. o:-)
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How many courics was it?
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Our new Def coach probably, I heard it was looking for a house in Kansas already.
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The deal is done!
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Did it resemble a frozen turkey?
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The really impressive thing is if you can poo 5 lbs of brown water with sesame seeds in it. Thats a load off.
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how many beers did you drink last night?
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colon cleanse
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Your ass is going to burn the rest of the day. Have fun!
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Colon Blow and Super Colon Blow Colon Blow Man.....Phil Hartman [ fade in on a man at a table, eating oat bran cereal from a bowl ] Announcer: Hold it! Is that what you’re having for breakfast? Man: Sure, haven't you heard? Fiber is really good for you. Announcer: Well, there's fiber, and then there's high fiber. Try this. [ offstage hands replace cereal box with Colon Blow cereal box ] Man: Hmm.. Colon Blow. Sounds delicious. But is it really higher in fiber than my oat bran cereal? Announcer: Take a guess: How many bowls of your oat bran cereal would it take to equal the fiber content of one bowl of Colon Blow? Man: Two? Announcer: Guess again. Man: Three? Announcer: A little higher. Man: Four? Announcer: Keep trying. Man: Five? Announcer: No, you'll have to do better than that. Man: Seven? Announcer: Guess again. Man: Eight? Announcer: We'll give you one more guess. Man: Nine. Announcer: Not even close. [ table starts shaking ] It would take over 30,000 bowls. [ a giant pyramid of cereal bowls shoots up from under the man, who yells in terror as it rises ] To eat that much oat bran, you'd have to eat ten bowls a day, every day for eight and a half years. Man: [ after the pyramid settles; shouts from afar ] Wow! I think I get the picture! Colon Blow must be the highest fiber cereal on the market! Announcer: Not any more, now that there's new Super Colon Blow. Man: Super Colon Blow? [ pyramid rises even higher with the man screaming ] Announcer: It would take over two and a half million bowls of your oat bran cereal to equal the fiber content of one bowl of Super Colon Blow. [ pyramid settles ] Man: [ overwhelmed ]I'm convinced! [ looks down the pyramid in panic ] [ cut to close-up of bowl with Colon Blow and Super Colon Blow boxes ] Jingle: "Colon Blow and you-u-u-u in the morning" Announcer: Colon Blow and new Super Colon Blow. Voiceover: Warning: may cause abdominal distention. Consult a physician. |
Did it just tnmble around when you tried to flush?
True story: Back in my trucking days I stoped at Hebron OH ( Truckers World) one time, went into the bathroom, chose one of the stals, and was "ABOUT" to do my deed, when low and behold a turd the size of a Tomato Juice can was floating there, I kicked the flush handel and the damn thing just tumbled, it was so damn big it wouldn't flush!!!! Needless to say I waited for another stall. But man, I'd love to see the size of the guy that "thing" came out of |
Did a relative take you for indian food la4t night?
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Thank you very little |
I just dropped a 5lb deuce myself. Fritz and I, doing our part to stimulate the economy.
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To the ship!
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show your new friends
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Two pound sh*ts for the Tourette's Guy...about 20 seconds in--
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exu4H...eature=related |
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Now that you've successfully removed your head, maybe a little work in the ears with some Q-tips and you'll finally be able to hear.
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A friend of mine went out on a camping trip. It was really dark. He needed to take a dump real bad so he ran far from the camp, took his pants out and just started shitting in the grass when he suddenly saw the shadow of a person next to him. He absoutely freaked out that his shit got stuck in his rear. He really believed that it is some freaky creature, not a human not an animal, when suddenly that creatures said "Dude, I am like you, takin' a shit so chill and look the other way". My friend continued his release of the brown stuff then left the scene. Another story of another friend of mine. They went to meet some friends in a camp, but they got lost, so they opted to sleep in the car until light comes out. Then it would be much easier to locate the camp. He needed to take a nice fat shit so he left the car, went behind some bushes and got done with it. In the morning, they discovered it was a few feet away from the camp. Those who witnessed it during day light said it was so massive they thought it was a cow's poo. |
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"fuck Salt"; that's ROFL right there Cheater5!
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So was it a boy or a girl and did you smoke a cigar when you were done?
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Let me tell you about a porcupine's balls.....
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:fart::Bartee::whackit::whackit::whackit:
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When I was hiking down the 4 Mile Trail from Glacier Point in Yosemite and about a mile and a half down I realized that I had to shit worse than I ever had before.
So I sorta found a spot that was not close to any trail so nobody would see me. I was about 50 yards away from any trail and I proceeded to shit with a 2 girls 1 cup like consistency. It smelled so bad. Immediately I heard people all around groaning and complaining about how bad it smelled, from that far away. So I was too embarrassed to just walk out...so I had to wait it out next to the stinky ass shit for like 5 minutes until I thought the coast was clear. Well it wasn't and as I plopped back onto the trail, there were some people walking by covering their noses and giggling at me. |
Nah that wasn't your shit...that's just normal chargers fan smell. They always say you can smell one a mile away.
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Another awesome shit story. Some guys had their car stuck in the mud. They tried to take it out but nothing worked. So they slept in the car and decided to try and figure something out in the morning. One of them sneaked out and took a poo by one of the tires and buried it under the mud. At morning, they sought help. The dude who came to help, just like any other person, tried to dig around the tires to try and push the car. His first word after digging the right rear tire "WTF is that". He had shit all over his hands. Got in his car and left without a word. |
Hard to tell the difference between your 5 lb shit and one of mecca's draft assessments
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One of my favorite poo stories was one day I was in a stall in the mens room at work and at the other end of the row of stalls I could hear the mexican cleaning man cleaning out one of the toilets and I could hear him saying in spanish. "Why? Why? Why?"
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Remind me to tell the story sometime about my visit to a coastal Mayan village. During the tour, the afternoon's "authentic cafe food experience" took its toll.....being in a location with no running water, no obvious place to go, I slipped into one of the dirt floor wigwams some of them had left unoccupied. Just as I was finishing business, the tour guide and 40 strangers entered that part of the tour. That was the point that I realized the shallow hole in the floor was no outhouse at all. I was squatting over the chicken cooking spit, and dumping into the family cooking fire pit.
. . .Ok, that might not have really happend. |
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dear lord that could have been shitier than Bucking's situation. |
This has the makings of a "weirdest place you ever took a shit" thread. Or a "shitting your pants stories" thread.
I don't have thread starting access so if someone wants to......... Posted via Mobile Device |
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