Got Engaged.
 

As a choice few of you already know, I got engaged satuday night. Looking at a wedding next May. Pretty crazy how much life can change in a year. I figured I may as well ask, anyone have any good tips on sustaining a good marriage? This should be good for about 2 good answers and a 100 or so funny/sarcastic/worst mistake of your life posts. Anyways, I am very excited and looking forward to being married!

Congrats bro!

:toast:

Congrats.

#fail















Congrats....i say remember she is your best friend and always have fun. You're a team, that said ive never been married lol

Congratulations dude! Patience. Learn how to pick your battles and only fight for what's most important to you. That's the best advice I can give you. I wish you all the best.

I have no idea who you are. Hire a vicious lawyer.

Congratulations (right?)!

How did you propose?

My dad always tells me you can't undo anything. You can't take back calling her a bitch. You can't take back kissing that slut in the bar. She'll always remember, and even if she forgives you, the action is still there.

Oh yeah. Advice. I've never been married, so I'm talking out my ass here.

Remember that love is a choice. Sometimes, it's a difficult one.

Also, **** alot

LMAO

Sorry, dude. Hope things improve.

Mods, can we sticky this as a prayer thread?

That's actually incredibly critical. :)

Take the engagement ring back and go buy a hooker or two.

What if she's got a headache, it's that time of the month, or she's not in the mood?


Damn, why do women make so many excuses?

If you go through with it, make her go ATM at least once before you get hitched.

That's if it was CZ. If they were diamonds, get a plane ticket to Vegas and a room at The Bellagio to go along with those high class hos.

That's when you establish who wears the pants in the family.



It's usually a lack of attraction in the relationship. She either isn't attracted to him, or she's not attracted to herself.

Pornography alot.

this guy is one of those guys that I bet popped the question within 6 months of the first date...

which is...

a GIGANTIC mistake

what's the freaking rush?

I'll date whoever it is I marry for at least two years before I even THINK of THINKING about getting married...

The first 6 months are the honeymoon phase of a relationship.

You get to find out what sort of person you're really dating after about a year into it.

congrats.....



"holla we want pre-nup, we want pre-nup....yah, somethin that you need to have, cause when she leaves yo azz, she gonna leave with half"
-from the scriptures of Kanye

I'd make sure to get seperate checking accounts as well as credit cards and make sure she knows what bills she has to pay with her check. Also learn to keep an eye on the odometer in the car. You should always write down the mileage whenever she comes home, then you'll know if she's lying when she says she just went to work and that is all.

Also , if she's not fat now she will be soon, in fact I'd like to get you a pig for a wedding gift but you'll have one anyway. I'd start right now watching her diet and make sure she gets plenty of exercise.

Oh, and one last piece of advice. **** her as much as possible right now cause after she says "I do", The legs slam shut!

Congratulations. You're doomed! :D

that sounds crazy...but potentially legit lol

Exactly, please the **** out of her too, the marriage will be healthy.

She's full of shit and the marriage is on verge of failure

Keep your pimp hand strong.

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Close, I have known her for over 10 years due to proximity. We had been dating for almost 11 months.

I'd say that is solid advice. My friends married their wives between 4-6 years of being with them.

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NSFW

My parents dated for four months before getting married (not engaged...married). They divorced 20 years later (but about 10 years after they should have).

I'm coming up on the 1 year anniversary in July.

1. Listen to what Flopnuts said.....pick your battles.
2. Definitely keep separate bank accounts and split up the bills.
3. Take whatever relationship advice that Hootie gives you.....and do the opposite.

I know stupid ****s that get married after a year...the honey moon period generally is over by 6-12 mo's

Seriously? I just don't see this realistically working.

Get marriage counseling before hand, sit down and have a real conversation about money, goals, spouses obligations to each other, kids, etc. Always go out on a date with your wife at least once a week. Flowers are cheap. Sometimes it is better to be married than right.

Remember "Marriage isn't a word but a sentence"

Good luck

It works perfect for my wife and I. We may end up getting a joint checking account but that would be for either mutual bills or money for like eating out...etc.

I pay 95% of the bills and two times a month she gives me checks for her half. It works out perfectly because I know whats coming out of my account and she knows whats coming out of hers.

Being 'thoughtful' goes a LONG way

Good stuff, our church requires pre-marriage counseling (not catholic), and am my age I have really talked with her about as many things as I can to make sure she is on the same page with me. Obviously I will continue to do so in the next year also. Really good post though, thanks :clap:

so he treats his wife like a roommate!!!

LMAO

Sorry Pestilence...but that's not the type of life I'm looking for!!!

Obviously you make more money than she does? What you're saying does make good "Cents".

20 years and counting.

Communication and respect for each other is essential. You have to put yourself out there with being honest all the time. Don't BS. Just be yourself. You can't hide who you really are anyway.

Women don't want solutions, they want empathy. The faster you learn the difference, the better.

Not a chance. Bad advice. To each his own and that may work for you.... but the point is to be together, to live your lifes as one. Your finaces being intertwined is just part of the deal.

I don't treat my wife like a roommate. We both agreed that it was better that way in the beginning. She has her personal bills and I have mine. I wouldn't want her money being pooled into pay my bills.

Now you will meet the women that see your wedding ring & assume that they can one-night you without fear of commitment and that you are practiced enough to make it worthwhile. Don't do it - no matter how hot she looks. That one night of ecstasy is not worth the pain, trouble & aftermath of dishonesty. Don't do it.

I'd definitely go ahead and buy one of those dolls and let her know you're not afraid to use it.

She actually makes more money than me.....not by much....but she still makes more.

Congratulations.

Step aside gentlemen, I've got the answers covered.
http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=110519

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=107258

The honeymoon expectations are here
http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=96048

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=147867

sorry I'd rather have a wife than a girl roommate

You'd rather pee on your roommates and get drunk.

My wife use to make more money than me. Now I make a lot more than her. Money is irrelevant if you are working together. You are trying to reach the same goals, build towards the same future. There is no "my" and "her" money piles. There is only ours.

than have a girl roommate?

Sure.

finances also seem to be the #1 thing that drives people apart/causes fights/etc. Eliminating that as a sore spot should do great things for a marriage (unless the wife went into it thinking she could live off the hubby)

Like you said....to each their own.

Our thoughts might change in a year. I'm not against having their own account.....that's just how we do things right now.

True but the underlying issue is not the money but the goals being different. Fights over the different paths to take. One side of the team not doing their part.

Definitely find something that works for both of you financially and stick to it. My dad managed the money in our house. My mom got to where she wanted to spend some, but dad wanted to save. Mom said it was her money that she worked for, so she should be able to spend it on what she wanted. Not to say either was wrong (never anything wrong with saving either), but that's not something they thought out beforehand and became something else to argue about.

Translation:I'd rather have a steak and a blowjob

Nothing wrong with Steaks and BJ's.:)

How many of those do you get married though? Steak and a BJ should be put into the vows

We're both working towards common goals. At this time though....we both want to pay off our own personal bills.

Smart

Nothing wrong with that. Your not weird or stupid for that choice. Just a different way to start out your lifes than we would have chose. Who's to say what is the better choice?

One of the best parts of my life was the time I shared starting out with my wife, struggling finacially together, getting my azz educated, trying to build a foundation for our family. Those early times when we were building our lifes together towards the same goals.....man, you can't buy that experience at any price. You just have to pay in sweat equity and struggle. Because its two people as one, it creates a bond that I hope everyone gets to experience at least once in their life.

life insurance and then baby oil the bathtub.

Screw the haters. I've got a pretty damn good thing at home and we keep separate accounts. It doesn't have anything to do with his or her money, but it sure makes keeping track of debits and w/draws for cash easier. I don't have to wonder where "we" are when I know where "My" account is.....She does the home bills, I do the business, if she gets short, she can transfer money with 10 button clicks and let me know later...Buying her a new car, Maybe I write the down payment check and she makes the payment on "her" car.

The key to keeping your home happy is figuring out what works for you and for her. You want to know the secret? It's simple...Both of you be loyal, be honest, treat each other with respect, give on the small things so you've got leverage when you do care. Don't fight over stupid things that aren't worth the time. You're going to disagree, you're going to fight....Keep it clean, keep the blows above the belt and within reason even when you're mad....Apologize when you F up and forgive when she does.

It's not hard to have a successful, happy life together when you pick the right person and treat them the way you should.


If you don't agree with the above, kick her ass the first day so she knows you're like a boss.

Like BRC said.....to each their own.

Everyone does it their own way. As long as both of you are happy and can agree on what you're doing.....then you're fine.

Congrats...and condolences.

...but mostly congrats!

See this is what I thought, I seriously don't see this being possible for her and I.

Don't do it!

Man that is dang good stuff. Once she gets out of school and working she will make a considerable amount more than I do. I am in a family business and it can be good financially at times, but long hours and strenous the other part of the time. Once we decide (Or God decides lol) we are going to have kids, we will live off my income only.

The advice he gave you is based on his values, they don't have to be yours. Don't let anyone tell you what works for you, try what you think is best and adjust from there.
Wives and kids do not come with an instruction manual. Every day you just have to do what you decide is best and make changes as you see fit. Being married comes with a lot of responsibility but one benefit is that nobody can ever tell you how to run your show.
Best of luck.
Remember how you feel about her right now, put that memory away and haul it out again when you are having serious trouble. If it makes you give in enough to fix the trouble then you have a good thing going.

Lots of good stuff in this thread, but this hits the nail on the head. The other thing is a philosophical change in your mind that you and your wife are a unit not individuals any longer. Everything else is secondary, but here's my thoughts.

Money
A very large percentage of divorces end because of money. Set goals and have a plan to get there. Talk about any material item (large purchases) at significant length, particularly in the beginning to determine how the purchases fit into your goals. Talk about everything concerning money and come to a consensus. Even little shit like whether or not you want generic cheese or not. It makes a difference. It's important to come to a consensus on your thinking with money early so if and when times get tight, you aren't starting from square one.

Communication
Critical. Absolutely critical. You don't always have to agree on everything, but you need to be comfortable with the outcome. Don't hide anything from her. It will just drive your relationship apart. Don't keep things inside. It won't do any good.

Time
Commit time to breaking the every day grind. Go on walks, have date nights, whatever, just find time to spend with her. It will help. Wife and I got a dog and though it is my busy (as ****) season, we still spend time together taking care of the dog. you have to allow yourselves time to talk about what's going on.

Inlaws
You're going to be stuck with them. Make sure it isn't a dealbreaker. Very few people are absolutely happy with their inlaws, but they have to be livable.

The Wedding
Make it as simple as possible, particularly on the night before and day of wedding. Women absolutely freak the **** out about this shit, so the simpler it is, the fewer things they (and their friends and family) have to freak out about.

The last thing I would suggest is having a reasonably long engagement. Candidly, you're moving kind of quickly. Everything I've ever read says that the "newness" of the relationship lasts about a year (typically of course) and after a year, the parties in the relationship get comfortable with each other and then it is hashed out whether or not you are compatible. You make your own decision, but it is prudent to at least consider that information.

Oh. And congratulations. Make it work, bud.

Good luck, man.

One great thing for my wife & I was premarital counseling for us. When you marry in the Catholic church (I'm not anymore. Presperterian now. Weird how that worked out) you have to do this.

Anyways, got some great tips from our priest.

1 - Always protect your relationship. This basically means you don't put yourself in situations where problems could arise. It's not a lack of trust thing. It's a simply avoiding drama thing.

You could draw several examples from this:

- Say you have an argument with your wife. Do not confide in another woman telling them your story. Then that opens the door of her listening to your troubles and you possibly thinking. "This person understands me more". Guys? Fine. Women? no.

- Working in the office with someone who you find attractive. Honestly I would look to be sure that we do not become close friends. I probably would not go out to lunch with just her. etc. Not saying I'd be anti social. But I wouldn't even allow the possibility for any more attractiveness to grow.

2 - You guys are a team. There is no more my money and your money. Get joint accounts. It's our money. Make money decisions as a team.

I know married couples who have it split out. In once case the husband works and the wife stays at home to take care of the kid. He actually gives her an allowance. Yes I said an allowance. What is she 12? That's just not right IMO.

Just my 2 cents.

If you can find one....and you both like it.....find a wedding site that combines everything together for you.

We got married at a historic mansion in Northern California. The employees that worked their were certified everything (photographers, wedding planners, etc.). We had to go to monthly meetings to give them our ideas and then they would take those and make sure everything was planned, taken care of and on time. It honestly saved my wife a bunch of stress with the planning. She didn't have to worry about finding everything separately.

It worked out great for us......but if your wife wants to plan everything and she doesn't get stressed out.....you can do it yourself.

This. Consensus is key.

Oh, something else I've heard that makes sense...

Do not tell your parents (in particular, your mom) about any problems the two of you might have. You two may work it out and move on, but mommas hold grudges. Your problems should be between the two of you. If need be, an UNBIASED third party. Parents/family are not unbiased.

i got married after a couple of months and 31 years later i think there's a chance that it might just work out...