Gladiator Round 1, Match 4: tooge vs. austinchief
 

tooge:

high-powered squirtgun filled with ammonia

No backup knife.

Prep time: 31 seconds


austinchief:

A batman-esque Penguin umbrella that shoots out sleep gas, If you can get within three feet.

Backup bowie knife

Prep time: 97 seconds


Venue:

Classic downtown big-city street

Starting distance: 1,931 feet

ROFL

A squirtgun full of pee vs sleeping gas and a big ass knife?

Damn, I thought talastan got screwed

We're not kissing up to the management are we?

WOW.. that is one heck of a starting distance!

I am gonna go with me here... what the hell is a squirt gun with ammonia gonna do to me??? Since I'm not a fish, I assume he can squirt me all he wants and it'll just annoy me until I get close enough to use my sleeping gas/knife combo.

1,931 feet?

As far as I'm concerned, even minutes' worth of prep time difference wouldn't matter in this fight.

I think this is a fight that takes for ****ing ever. AustinChief's bowie knife will be the deciding factor, and will be the killing weapon.

tooge will be running for his life with no backup weapon.

You are a bigger man than that. You won't even need the sleep gas.

This is a really interesting one, and funny that it's all chemical warfare.

So they're going to be stalking each other for a while. tooge is going to find the biggest open area he can and just wait. He's going to have nail austinchief in the face and then steal austin's equipment while he's incapacitated. But he's got the range to do it.

Austinchief is going to have to gut it up and know that he's going to get a face full of ammonia, and hope he can get to tooge blind in those last 25 feet or so. I'm wondering if austin should even hide his knife or if he should be swinging it madly while he waits for a chance to gas tooge.

I'm really torn here. I don't see austinchief being able to get within range, but it'll be risky for tooge to close in. Maybe if I'm tooge I try to blind austin and then I use other nearby materials to try to knock him out without getting close. What stuff can you throw that is on a normal downtown street and that's big enough to knock a guy out?

Well I don't think "forever".. if we assume Tooge isn't running away nor advancing.. I could cover 2000 ft in under 5 minutes easy. Even carrying a knife and umbrella. Although if we assume Tooge is running away, you are correct, this fight could last all day.

But Tooge, you'll have to sleep sometime...

Doesn't ammonia act like acid since it's on the opposite spectrum of the pH scale? If so, it could be a bad day for ol' Kyle. I could be way wrong, though, so please forgive me. I'm, withholding my vote for now.

Can AsutinChief use his umbrella as a shield from the ammonia stream?

I think y'all are underestimating the power of a big super soaker full of ammonia. You catch a face full of that and you're going to be hurtin'. And austin has to get within three feet.

Apricot Miatas?

:doh!:


That's brilliant. It's the perfect countermeasure. I hadn't thought of that.

Can you clarify "high powered"?

Oh, we're talking about a Super Soaker? Tooge is a goner.

It's harmful in its pure state... BUT it also boils at -30 or some such in that state... so it would actually be ammonia hydroxide. Depending on the strength, it would at BEST be mildly irritating to the skin and pretty irritating to the eyes.. IF I caught a big blast of it with eyes open. But that's what my umbrella is for!

I'm assuming it's a commercial system that's relatively top end. Like one of those super soakers. I don't have much experience with them, but aren't they actually pretty accurate out to 30 or 40 feet or so? Someone can correct me if I'm wrong.

Check this out: reviews of water guns. Let's assume it's one of these, which means accuracy to about 30 feet.

http://www.popularmechanics.com/tech...s/toys/4272888

That was the first thing that popped into my head. Bull rush with the umbrella, slice and dice.

OH LOL

Well in that case, you should probably be the winner of this.

P.S. These are like the best threads ever.

Now, admittedly I don't know my batman. Can he open the umbrella without discharging the sleeping gas? Or does it have to remain closed until he attacks? That could make a difference.

Yeah he can open it at will and make it do several different things, if it's the Penguin's umbrella.

With the ammonia gun and the huge starting distance tooge could put up a valiant effort using a surprise attack, but I think I gotta go with the umbrella-shield, gas, and knife combo.

AustinChief it is.

I need Austin Chief and tooge to throw out some life experiences in fighting and combat before I vote. I screwed listo over.

tooge got screwed man

That's how this contest is gonna work sometimes, and that's fine. When I saw that I had a BB gun I assumed I was done in the very first match until I saw that my opponent got screwed over 6 ways to sunday.

For being a backup weapon, the knife is the deciding factor way too often, IMO. For example, if Tooge had the knife rather than AustinChief, I think he would win.

Definitely. People might forget that these are gladiator fights-- meaning you have to fight to the death. If you have a long-range weapon that can cause damage but not kill, you better be damn crafty. The knife is key, just to have it as a second option.

I thought it was a Bowie knife not a flesh sword.

perhaps in round 2, the knife can be replaced with some other less-deadly backup, like brass knuckles?

I want everybody to know I'm massaging my calves right now in anticipation for my fight with dartgod tomorrow.

Tooge has the range advantage in this. A few squirts and Austin will drop his gasbrella screaming. Tooge beats him to death.

We can certainly change it up if people think the bowie knife is too strong. However, the reason I included it was a concern that there were some pairs of weapons where a fatal blow would be hard to administer, so I wanted to add an increased probability that there'd at least be a fatal weapon on the field.

where the knife probably helps is when one guy draws a powerful weapon and the other guy has a comedy weapon.

However, if both fighters draw a non-lethal comedy weapon, I imagine people would start theorycrafting different ways one guy or the other would prevail with their silly weapon. Unless one guy has a backup knife, then we'd probably just go with that.

I'll stick with the bowie knife in Round 1 to be consistent, but maybe in the next round we can have a group of backup weapons from the Bowie knife down.

Calling the fight in favor of austinchief, despite tooge's best chemical warfare attempts.

Hey dammit, I just saw this. I'm gonna rip off your head and piss down your neck Austin Chief. I'm a terrible insomniac. you are screwed.

oops, too late, I'm dead. Dammit rain man. If there is a losers bracket, I need something better than a squirter pull of piss. C mon.

austinchief. The knife carries the day.