Gladiator Round 2, Match 12: guru vs. yhf
 

guru:

Spear (6 foot)

Backup weapon: Two fist-sized rocks, one of which has a slightly sharp edge

Time to prepare: 44 seconds


yhf:

A star wars light saber (his choice of color)

No backup weapon

Special Factor: You ate some really, really bad sushi the night before and are afflicted with a violent case of diarrhea

Time to prepare: 44 seconds


Venue:


USS Seawolf (SSN-21) 1,000 feet below the surface in the middle of the Pacific ocean (no sailors on board - remotely piloted). Starting distance 350 feet - 1 at bow, 1 at stern.

Diarrhea or not, light saber > spear all day, every day.

The diarrhea will just make him mad.

Yhf is looking like the darkhorse to win this whole thing.

/jinx

I think guru's best hope is to hide, throw the rocks in a way that will make yhf look toward them, and then guru can spear him in the back. Other than that, he could be in trouble.

However, I should note that in Revenge of the Jedi, the ewoks used spears and rocks to take out a whole division of Imperial troops, so victory is indeed not only possible, but on record as having happened.

LIGHTSABER!?! Why not just give him a remote to a bomb in Guru's heart. This thing is no contest. The only possible wrinkle would be the close quarters. It would give yhf an edge over the spear (as if he needed it) but he might slip up and effortlessly slice through the hull of the ship killing them both and resulting in a draw. Since that's not an option, the choice is easy.

It was more the home terrain and everconfidence that did the empire in there. One Ewok on one random guy with a lightsaber would still be ****ed.

Looks like yhf will be facing me in the Gurkha division championship!

Emperor Rain Man.. any idea when Round 3 starts? tomorrow?

We still have four more Round 2 matches, so it'll probably be a couple of days.

Just needed to know when to get my stretching in... ok I'll be ready for battle Wednesday!

ROFL The shitting his pants alone is good for some extra votes.

I have something else planned when this is done. I think you'll enjoy it if you like this.

I'd also like to point out that a Sunday finale would be perfect... especially if I am in it... with Sunday being my birthday and all... just saying...

yhf won't do shit while he's shitting.

Vote Guru.

Rain Man, when is it that you actually conduct real business in life?

I'm picturing DaFace hunched over a keyboard like Ben Kingsley in Schindlers List while you drink martinis with your feet on the desk & dream this stuff up.

A spear in those quarters is not going to be particularly effective.

Lightsaber all the way.

By the way, I have to add that if his saber play goes wonky, he's going to start flooding the sub, and dying in shit-water would be an awful way to go.

But is it explosive diarrhea? The light saber could be the surprise factor here, yhf could blow up without Guru doing anything.

Lightsaber slices spear in half

Unless yhf tries some crazy Darth Maul acrobatic shit and slices his own arm(s) off...Guru = ****ed

Light saber beats Rock as often as paper beats rock.
yhf wins!!@!
BTW- I hope I get the midget sidekick in round 3. (no weapon, not even a light saber, can beat me w/ my midget sidekick)

No chance in hell Kurdt. I'll prolly have shit in my shoes by the time I get to guru but the indomitable saber will prevail.

yeah, but which color did you choose?

Holy hell, you can choose your shit color??!!? No one told me this.

If a guy was approaching me with a light saber that I knew wanted to kill me and all I had was a spear and some rocks I'd involuntarily chit my pants which would take away that advantage.

Who wins if you sink it?

After a bit of research I have settled on a green saber. I beleive Yoda's saber was green and best I can figure he was a badass and I like the way he talks.

green is an acceptable color, you got my vote.

Normally, I'd take the lightsaber with diarrhea, but on a submarine I think I'll take the spear and rocks. I vote Guru.

I fail to see the sabers disadvantage on the sub, besides I picked a green saber everybody is aware of the inherent sub friendly quality of the green saber.

The question is double bladed vs single

The only difference is how many pieces Guru will be sliced into

Personally, I think he cuts his own arm off because he will have no idea what he is doing with a light saber and will try to mimic something he saw in one of the movies. His own dumbassery will get him killed.

Too bad so many people have too much confidence in him over this weapon.

Victory me as I stab him to death as he lays in his own pile of shit.

Geek vote FTW. Sorry G; I owe you a beer.

Two.:#:)

Done.

:toast::toast:

No way dude. I'm going straight vanilla on this deal. No fancy moves, no slick flourishes, just calm, calculated, death dealing. Well as calm one can be whilst uncontrollably shitting all over the place. Anyway tis a shame you had to fall to the saber.

ROFL

I think it is funny how many people think they would be able to handle a lightsaber if it really existed. One little nick and you are screwed. :D

But, that being said, if I have to fall to anything I am glad it is to a Star Wars weapon and not some of the other weird shit that is popping up. LMAO

NSFW (language)

<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/4Xkh6j7RMqk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Oh sure, post something I can't even watch.

Meh. Watch it anyway.

That lightsaber should have turned off when he dropped it. FAIL

Friggin' Star Wars geeks...:shake:

It also should have cut off his leg.

Friggin' Nebraska hicks.:D

"Ghetto Hood Sabers are modified to stay on".
LMAO

I guess that if the light saber can slash through metal like a hot knife through butter, it probably doesn't have the disadvantage I was giving it. You're probably right though.

guru. Throw the two rocks, make yhf duck and ram the spear right through him.

Game over. Jedis defeat Ewoks.