My fathers' rights case
 

Hey guys, I'm trying to get some public exposure about my case in the media, and while I dont live in Missouri or Kansas, I do frequent here so I thought I'd share my story as well. Feel free to share if you are so inclined, any publicity I can get would be appreciated.

Take a look here:
http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/?p=20918

And here's my lawyers blog:
http://marcatanner.wordpress.com/201...fixable-hmmmm/

http://marcatanner.wordpress.com/201...tah-part-deux/

In our last hearing, she admitted that I'm the biological father, that she was telling me she wanted a divorce, that she did leave her husband, and that she was not having sex with her husband when the baby was concieved. Even after the judge chastised her for doing all that, they still said I have no right to ask for a DNA test.

Now think of it like this: If the husband had knocked up a single woman, could he also hide behind "the stability of the marriage", as isnt having a single woman asking for a DNA test interfereing in the marriage? Answer NO...they'd hit you up with CS and a DNA test so fast that your head would spin. This law only exists to protect women, and as such violates the equal protection clause of the constitution.

Anyways thought I would share my story.

**** Utah and **** stupid bitches.

Change the first part of your usename. Just a suggestion. Best of luck with your case.

that ****ed up man grab the baby and hide in Texas.

You're in the clear, dude. Wash your hands of this and run away.

He already did. That's what led to this little problem. Please try to keep up.

So why did she go running back to Utah? And why is she still in a relationship she wants no part of?

In hindsight, yes I wish I never listened to her begging me to come get her (I wouldnt be in this mess), but this is my son, I have to fight for him.

I cant walk away, god forbid he ever need to know his medical history, or need a transplant...whos he gonna go Edit: to?

because her mom and dad bombarded her with "what kind of mom leaves her kids"..etc.

Under testimony she stated that her marriage only became stable AFTER the birth of my son....think about that for a sec. Not the 9 months of her being pregnant..but after his birth...Funny that it lines up perfectly when I hit them up with a paternity suit..so they had to put on the "we are a happy family" face.

You're insane. You are volunteering to tangle yourself in this crazy woman's web because you "might" have been a sperm donor.

Jesus Christ, man. :facepalm:

I see on the blog that you paid your lawyer $4K last November. What's the total tally up to now?

It was my understanding that fathers don't really have rights.

Well, except to pay out some dough. You can almost always get that right.

I'm really struggling to know why you'd like to take on 20 years of paying child support. Marry the woman let the husband pay you child support for your own kid.

Win? :shrug:

Maybe he wants to do the responsible thing and be a part of his childs life? Maybe you're the insane one, Brock.

She's testified that I am the father, so there's no might to it.

And it's not her life I'm volunteering to be in (while I know it comes with it), it's my kids.

Put yourself in my shoes, if you knew it was your son..you'd just walk away and never try to be apart of his life?

you dont want to know...it's cost me a fortune, and will continue to.

And that doesnt count the travel costs associated with flying to Utah every other month for hearings

Or this. Yeah totally this now that I think of it.

Yes

Dont put it past some on this board....

That bitch is a slore.

Okay, given that she has testified that it is your child, do you not receive any parental rights?

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Don't worry about some of the mentally-challenged posters on this board. You're doing what almost any father would (and should) do

It's a good thing you have the means to do so.

Yes, we all know that crazy women never lie and change the story later. If I was in your shoes, I just told you what I'd do. You need to think about what you're signing up for on the off chance that the kid might need a kidney from you someday.

You've been given a gift. Take it and run.

Well, man, you'll get nothing but respect from me. If someone tried to take either of my kids away from me I'd fight with everything I have. I commend you for doing the same.

None...because the laws say that the only way I can petition for custody and visititation is with DNA test results that show a 99.9% result of it being my kid...and the only way to get a DNA test is by having standing to ask for one...which their double laws wont allow me to.

To be blunt, the LAW, which is based on ancient precepts long pre-dating such things as DNA (at least in the field of family law) does not give a goddamn about your "rights" as the father. It cares about one thing and one thing only -- "the best interests of the child."

Because it is in the best interests of the child, there is usually an automatic and conclusive presumption that the husband of a woman giving birth IS THE FATHER.

Your wife gave birth even though you're both Swedish and the kid is clearly biracial? The law doesn't care. Oh, you had a vasectomy too? The law doesn't care. Wait, your penis was actually removed in a horrific wood-chipper incident 8 years ago and the kid is now 2? The law doesn't care.

That law is changing, but VERY slowly. Not sure what the law is in your jurisdiction, but in some places, all the testimony in the world won't work to change it.

Move to the inner city, it's much easier to do there.

We're not even at the 'best interests of the child' phase yet. That's the custody portion of the case.

This is about the step prior to that. There are two sets of laws governing standing to pursue these actions, and they currently only use one set of them (which are judge made not legislature based) *If they had used the other set i would have won*.

This is about the inequality of laws like these that only men have to abide.

And someone has to go first, else it will never change. I have no delusions of grandeur...shit I'm a Chiefs Fan...but it isnt right that these laws are used to strip fathers (and fathers only), women dont have to endure "standing" when they ask for a DNA test on men (ask Justin Beiber)..and if no one ever fights, it will never change.

In case there was any doubt as to what you are I'll quote this for posterity.

Yeah....you're a piece of shit.....just like I thought.

Please don't have kids.....ever.

Yeah, I'd go with the lawyer's interpretation of the law as opposed to your uninformed perspective. Amno's referring to the overriding goal of parentage through the legal system, which is to support the child regardless of the circumstances.

I'll add to his list of crazy scenarios. You can be in a coma and raped by a nurse, and the courts will still find you liable for child support.

You f***ed a married woman and may have fathered a child. You're no saint and you have no rights under the law. If you want to have an appellate court overturn the law (and spend 5 figures in legal bills in the process), by all means, knock yourself out. Strike a blow for strangely virtuous cuckholding assholes everywhere!

But if I were your attorney, I'd advise you to save your money. I tend to doubt UT courts are likely to strike a blow for adulterer's rights.

This is exactly why he is fighting....

Your post is so ridiculously stupid....

Do you not see that this is one of the exact reasons he is fighting the case?

He isn't liable for child support, unless I've missed something.

Don Quixote, categorically, is going to lose. Moreover, it's entirely unclear that having the kid flown across the country periodically to mom's HS sweetheart is the best way to ensure he's not completely f'd in the head.

Its the inequities between how men are treated versus how women are treated in the court system.

Did you even read the article you tard?

He SAID he knew he was going to lose, because of several precedents...His aim is to get to a federal court.

But thanks for your 'insight' into this issue.

You invited drama into your life with a married woman with two children. No surprise that more, and exponentially more serious, drama is following.

If he wants to be a good dad, go find a nice girl, marry her, and put his resources and energy into raising a great kid. Trying to destabilize an already f'd up existing marriage isn't virtuous.

Sure seems like he likes drama....

I'm sure if that little kid was you, you would feel the same way right? You wouldn't want your dad to FIGHT to be able to see you or even acknowledge that you were his son right?

I'm not going to comment on my opinion of adultery or whatnot but that is water under the bridge....The man is just trying to be in his son's life. How ****ed up would it be for the son to find out later that his real dad didnt even try to fight for him?

Case is over. Apparently the OP is just venting.

Hmm...

Good luck. Sometimes there are battles we cannot win and we must accept that.

Last post in this thread:

Good luck, dude. I wish you, and, most importantly, the child well.

Don't worry, you'll get your DNA test. Right after the husband leaves her and decides he doesn't want to pay child support on you kid.

Anyway, kudos for trying to do the right thing.

Sent from my ADR6350

The moral to this story: Don't impregnate a married women with the expectation you'll get parental rights.

The end.

I dont know, perhaps he changed his mind?

"I've changed my mind AGAIN! I'm coming HOME!!!!"

Wow thanks for the enlightenment...maybe we should call you Captain Hindsight and you can come around and tell people not to make the mistakes they already made..

This could be your theme song:

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You're so ****ed in the head.....it's funny.

Yep that's it. Or maybe smart enough to keep things wrapped up so I don't spend my life savings to chase after a crazy married broad that "says" she's having my baby. That's totally a smart play. Leave it to you and fail to totally want to do this.

It probably happened to both of you so I understand your defending it. Congrats to you both. :thumb:

Your reading comprehension is awful. There's a big difference between wanting this to happen and defending someone who has had the misfortune / made the mistake of having this happen to them.

If you can't sort out the difference and put yourself in his shoes for a little bit, it probably means you lack basic human empathy which is a social skill.

I totally understand. If this happened to me no way would I want to be involved with the woman. Or take on an totally unstable family situation.

To each his own. Given this scenario I'd consider myself lucky.

Yeah....you'd abandon your son. What a stand up guy you are.

I can see your point somewhat, especially regarding the woman...but I would always feel like a douche for not trying to make sure my son was taken care of....I suppose if I KNEW 100% that the child would be better off without me, then I would agree with your stance...but if I thought that I could help or make a significant impact, then I would want to.

Let's say, hypothetically, he's successful and men in UT are granted the right to request a DNA test. You can see how it might be bad public policy in situations where the adulterer isn't the father. The family just got put through the ringer for no good reason.

It's a tough scenario either way.

I'll amend my moral: Don't f**k a married woman.

So he should suffer because the woman is a whore?

Well thanks for some for the words of encouragement.

At one point we were going to settle, but after thinking about it long and hard decided that I needed to continue to fight.

I've never said I was a saint, I did mess around with a married woman (one whom left her husband and begged me to get her out of there). So am I guiltless ..no. But i'm not turning my back on my kid.

For those that wouldnt fight for their kid, perhaps it's just different upbringing that seperates us. I will continue to fight, I will probably lose, but I'm still going to fight. And if we win, Utah will not be allowed to **** the next guy who wants to be in his kid's life like this.

I never called him a stand up guy for ****ing a married woman.

Good luck. Also, see post 58 for unintended consequences a win might have.

That's not bad policy at all. If the woman is cheating, and gets pregnant during that timeframe...then she should be put through the ringer.

And if the guy is just pulling the affair out of his ass...well guess what if you have no leg to stand on then you will be liable for the legal fees incurred by the married couple.

Getting to the bottom of the biology of a child is never bad policy.

Actually, if I lose she can never come after me for child support...ever. As in my losing they adjudicate the husbands paternity...once that is done even DNA tests cant refute that.

This has never been about money, if it was I wouldnt be fighting like I am.

Sorry, but just like gochiefs_va, the "gift" for me would be being a part of my son's life.

Just curious, but do you have any kids Brock? I'm guessing you don't...

I'm putting my 3rd and 4th through college right now. But these are my kids, not some kids I "possibly" fathered through some dirty, sordid affair with a married crazy woman.

So men inside of marriages, are they not put through the ringer when a single woman claims he (the husband) fathered her child? Cause that happens every single day...yet because it's a woman you dont want to put the 'family' through that? Call it what it is..you dont want the woman to be put through that, yet you dont even mention the fact that men inside of marriages are put through that every single day(whether he did or didnt have an affair). That's the whole point of my case. Only men get put through the ringer...woman are protected by archaic laws like this.

Make it fair. If someone like me (a single person) asking for a paternity test of someone inside a marriage is intrusive....then it should go both ways. For men and for women.

Im trying to figure out why in the hell you had sex with her when she has two kids with HER HUSBAND, and was STILL MARRIED when you went to pick her up. You made this bed, and from the outside, if I'm the HUSBAND, I'm telling you to GFY.

UT family court, circa 2014.

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Fairness isn't the goal, adulterer, it's the welfare of the child.

But you clearly have a problem understanding this concept.

OK, thanks. Guess we're just wired differently.

No matter what the circumstance, I don't think I could live with myself if I knew I had a child and wasn't doing everything possible to be a part of his or her life. It's why I could never be a sperm donor.

What if you do win? Have you thought about what you would be able to do at that point?

Say that you did manage to change the antiquated process and actually get a DNA test. Say that test does prove you to be the father. Then what? That revelation wouldn't really guarantee that you'd see your child. All that would ensure is that you would be responsible for child support. And that very well could include back child support starting from when the child was born, along with court costs from the process.

Have you tried working with the mother to form some sort of arrangement outside of the legal system? Is there any possibility of that? If you've already tried, do you think it would be worth it to try again? I'd say that's your best bet at actually being a regular part of the kid's life. Sadly, I don't see much possibility of a change if you go through the legal system. And as someone already pointed out, going through the legal system could potentially make things worse for you.

I commend your effort to be part of your child's life. I'm not trying to talk you out of it or anything.

Yes as a matter of fact I have tried to work with them, however they have just ignored everything and everytime we try and work it out. There is no other option but through the courts at this point.

As far as what happens then? Well then I am responsible for his support, I've never had a problem with this. But I get to be apart of his life, in whatever small or limited way I can get. And at least my son will know that he has a dad that loves him and wants to be there.

I would try and get as much national attention as possible.

Get yourself on CNN or ABC nightline or something.

Notify the media about what is going on.

You mean the HUSBAND that allowed his wife to leave for a couple of months and go live someplace else?

How could he have stopped that?

Shoulda given her the Black Snake Moan treatment, eh?

Divorced her stupid ass.

working on it, it's harder than you may think