I hate long morning bowel movements...
 

For the second time in as many weeks I had to poop after my morning shower. And not just any poop either, the dreaded 20-minute-long-make-you-late-to-work-poop. In fairness I can't really be late to work since I can come in whenever I want, but it sucks getting a late start to your day because of something like this.

So how is everyone else doing on this lovely morning?

Odd. I always project instantly and regularly. Clean breakers every time, hardly a smell.

Chicks dig it

I envy you my friend. While I'm certainly not an unhealthy pooper, I rarely enjoy the luxurious clean breaker.

I just realized both of these early morning poops follow Chipotle for dinner the day before.

Ow. Chipotle. Does your starfish burn afterwards?

I always follow spicy food with ice cream. Come on ice cream!

But for realz, the chipotle should have cleared out first poop. But it might also just be dicking with you. Giving you shit, one might say.

Chipotle always does work on the ol' balloon knot. I fell for you.

Ghey. Congrats on coming out. Now live free.

I support you people.

I passed blood with mine, so fellas, you could have it worse!

Mine can get bloody. Usually when I fast, which is once a week.

Should I be concerned?

Why do you fast once a week

I have never experienced it before my colon cancer, so I can't say for sure, but I would probably not ignore it for too long. Trust me, if you can fend off colon cancer before it hits, you should! In one week, they will be hacking 10 cm of my colon out, which is not much, but it's still surgery and will have me in very low gear for 6 weeks. Then there is still the issue of my liver. The colon cancer is what got my liver jacked and at stage IV. I have mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: If I had gotten a colonoscopy several years ago, they would have snipped out a polyp and none of the things I am going through now would be a part of my life. My prognosis has not been changed, so according to what I last heard from my doctor, if I am lucky, I might have two years left now.

This. I go every morning. It's the first thing I do after waking up.

Wake up, put on workout clothes, poop, treadmill, take out dog, shower, wake up and get baby dressed, drop baby at babysitters, go to work.

You should take a stool softener.

I've been taking this for years and have had great results.

There's not much I hate worse than having to poop after I just got out of the shower.

Maybe you need more fiber.

so poop before you go in?

wait, I thought this was a taco bell post for some strange reason...

Oh, hell yeah. Whenever possible.

you must order double extra cheese

Drink coffee before you take a shit.

Yeah I always go before I shower but occasionally I can't go and then I don't know if it's the hot water or what but then I gotta go after then I gotta see if I have time for a 2nd quick shower.

You're posting this at 4 a.m.

Is this when you go to work or something?

This thread is a prime example of how this place has gone down the shitter...

Whenever you're late for work because of this, all you have to do is tell your boss that you fell in the toilet. Amen.

*Oh, and lastly, don't forget to tell him that has been the story of your life so far.

Fiber up man!

I sprinkle that shit on everything. Has a nutty flavor too.

I hate my morning poops. Almost nothing comes out. But I feel full like I could shit a horse. Then about 2 hours later I have my real poop.

you are a bad person.

Or, just eat decent food. Mix in a salad, FFS.

Apples are where it's at.

:facepalm: well ****.