Give me every team's conspiracy story to win the Super Bowl.
 

If the NFL has indeed become rigged for marketing dollars, the league office is likely looking at each team in the beginning of the year to determine whether they should win the Super Bowl. Imagine that you're the team's representative in this top-secret meeting. What's your argument that your team should win the Super Bowl? This can be any reason - market size, star power, business reasons, whatever.

I think we have a few that are obvious, and I'll start with them, but let's go through all 32 teams.


Oakland Raiders - They're likely moving to Las Vegas, so we want to give the Oakland people something positive to cheer about as the team leaves, while also building support for a public tax for a fancy new stadium in Las Vegas.

Los Angeles Rams - It's the second-biggest market in the country, and we need to build momentum. This isn't a football town, so a Super Bowl win will ignite the fan base enough that it'll become "cool" to be seen at a Rams game.

New England Patriots - We owe them one in return for throwing the AFC title game last year to give Manning a super bowl.

Carolina Panthers - We owe them one in return for taking a dive in the super bowl last year to give Manning a ring and a ratings boost on future appearances.


That's four teams. Feel free to add to their narrative and give me the argument for the other 28 teams. Legitimate arguments only.

Kansas City Chiefs - the league is secretly in massive debt and wants to declare bankruptcy

Atlanta Falcons - It's one of the top ten TV markets in the country and the team has never been awarded a super bowl win. Matt Ryan is a boy scout who would not sully the title, and Dwight Freeney played with Peyton Manning for several years, which would give us a good chance to cash in on Manning talk during the game.

This should be a BlackOps super thread...

If the Chiefs ever do win the SB then you know the league is fixed. Chiefs could never win on their own.

Baltimore Ravens - A win would be inspiring for the City of Baltimore after their anti-police riots and police pullback. Plus, Terrell Suggs will be retiring soon and this would give the NFL a great way to continue the "Baltimore linebackers" story line after Murderin' Ray Lewis got his sendoff.

I'll give you a rig against:

Dan Snyder willfully makes terrible moves to keep his team from being truly competitive because the NFL and the three TV networks don't want to be profiting off a Super Bowl featuring one team with a racial slur in its franchise name.

We are going to need a Big Board for the story lines. The NFL is really in a fix there are a lot of "Lifetime Greats" that are going to be exiting the game. The WWNFL should be spinning for the next few years.

Brady
Rogers
Big Ben

They are going out on top

Feels sorry for Phillip Rivers. Eli really ****ed him.

Corrected :)

Sky net has become self aware.

Now that you mention it, we should probably go with pros and cons both.

**** that noise. These pricks already all have rings. Pittsburgh's last two were were screw jobs against Arizona and Seattle. Kraft needs to diminish, and the nostalgia around Green Bay is just that now - too small market for the hungry hogs at the trough.

LA, Vegas, and Minny with that shiny new stadium will get a boost in the near future.

You forgot Eric Weddle's revenge against the Chargers. Also, Baltimore only has 2 SBs in their 20 years of existence, need more to inflate the rivalry with Pittsburgh.
(BTW -who gives a shit about Pittsburgh or Baltimore?).

Welp - if hurricane matthew had pulled a katrina on the carolinas, you might have seen Cam get his ring.

I'd go in the opposite direction with Dan Snyder - the year they decide to cave in to the PC crowd, will be the year they hoist the trophy.

The broncos will win 2 of the next 10 super bowls, due to the hefty under-the-table payments their owner continues to make to buy super bowl wins.

In all half-seriousness, I had a conspiracy theory a while back that the league is so rigged, super bowls are determined by whatever owner bids the most at the beginning of each season (to buy the super bowl win).

The only fly in the ointment for that theory is Jerry Jones (though maybe he did several years back and now he's running low on cash-flow?).

In reality, it's probably more about ratings and storylines than anything else.

I don't think that it's determined at this point in the season. The league may use refereeing to influence certain games(such as Denver-Carolina), but I believe that the regular season is left to play itself out for the most part. But when those final 12 teams get in the playoffs, then the deals are made to determine the Suoerface champion, or at least the Suoerface participants. After all, it's the postseason that drives the popularity of every sport, so of course they want to control the big show participants to drive the best ratings And most people are just oblivious to it. They don't want to believe it's fixed. So they convince themselves that it's real. Much like Hillary supporters denying that she and Bill are murders despite the fact that they have been tied to over 100 "mysterious" deaths over the past 3 decades. Instead they write it off as conspiracy theories, while the culprits behind them continue to thrive.

Denver-- Bowlen forgot that he forked over all that bribe money last year, so he cut a huge check for the NFL yet again. In the memo blank, it says, "Jake Plummer deserves a ring!"

No,JJ ****ed it all up when he went to war with the NFL over marketing rights and won.He may be BIG but not as BIG as the league.

In today's overall climate I'd say the Jags are screwed with the name of their owner. :bolt:

Cardinals: Feel good story for a QB who's made a career of being good but banged up and a little bit of payback for the Bidwill clan in light of the 2009 SB.

49ers - Kaepernick. Whole world tunes in just to watch the National Anthem.

Anti-Seahawks: Turns out that Russel Wilson is actually pretty weird, and not as relatable as previously thought.

Patriots for taking a dive in pile high last year. B8ggest joke of a season in league history.

I can see the Raiders getting a big boost because of their large fanbase, the Vegas move, and their offense will draw more viewers.


The Rams need some pub, but they won't get a real Super Bowl nudge from the officials for at least a couple years.

We all better hope that Lynch has the personality of a rock. If he has Televison Moxie, Denver will continue to get benefits for the next 15 years.

As far as Carr goes, I've heard his interviews. The kid is interesting, so we are ****ed on that front.


The Chiefs have no national personality except for maybe Marcus Peters. This team is major league ****ed when it comes to SB chances. BORING.

Exactly the league wants a Marshawn Lynch, Gronk, JJ Watt, OBJ, Rodgers etc etc.

What on Earth would the commentators even say about us? Chiefs really came along way since Javon Belcher, Greg.

Okay, I'm going to start over with the pros and cons.

Atlanta Falcons

Pros - It's one of the top ten TV markets in the country and the team has never been awarded a super bowl win. Matt Ryan is a boy scout who would not sully the title, and Dwight Freeney played with Peyton Manning for several years, which would give us a good chance to cash in on Manning talk during the game.

Cons - Matt Ryan is too clean-cut and doesn't show enough personality to be a league marquee guy. No one knows who Julio Jones is unless they're football fans.

Baltimore Ravens

Pros - Baltimore Ravens - A win would be inspiring for the City of Baltimore after their anti-police riots and police pullback. Plus, Terrell Suggs will be retiring soon and this would give the NFL a great way to continue the "Baltimore linebackers" story line after Murderin' Ray Lewis got his sendoff.

Cons - Terrell Suggs is unattractive. It may be too soon after the Ray Rice thing. They've already been given a couple of super bowls in the last 15 years, and shouldn't get preference over other east coast teams in Washington and New York.

Arizona

Pros - As mentioned above, plus Larry Fitzgerald has been a great ambassador for the league for years. The league has wanted to make Patrick Peterson a star for several years, and he needs a national stage.

Cons - The Steelers may not want Carson Palmer to win, and the Steelers get what they want. The fans in the stands are probably older and not in the target demographic. Also, the Bidwells are kind of the unpopular kids in the club, the ones who always seem to be on the periphery.

Cleveland: Can't let LeBron overshadow the Browns!

Are you one of those lizard people believers?

Oh, that's a good one. The NFL could build on the foundation set by the NBA. Cleveland could potentially win it all this year.

They're not technically lizards. They're chameleons.

Chiefs pro: Finally letting Clark get his super bowl and afc championship because he seem like a team players for the league

Con: It mean hell has frozen over and sweet meteor of death is going to hit us!

Nothing to worry about Lynch brah ROFL They are trying to hype Semenboy as a wonder kid though

Again...the owners that are in the dog house will not be allowed in the big game. Is what it is. The SAME damn teams are in it every year. Flowbee is not in the winners club, so that knocks out the Faid.