Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 9 - Hydrae versus Willie Lanier
 

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is.

Venue - The local mall, extremely crowded with shoppers
Starting Distance - 800 feet

Hydrae

Main Weapon - Extremely corrosive industrial-strength acid in a normal squirting water bottle made entirely of one of the few substances that can contain it.
Backup Weapon - None

Prep Time - 2 Minutes
Special Factors - An axe-wielding psychopath, who ignores pain and doesn't care if he lives, jumps between you and your opponent when the match begins, wanting to kill one of you. He goes after whoever looks the strongest to him.

Willie Lanier

Main Weapon - English longbow and 6 arrows
Backup Weapon - Bowie knife

Prep Time - 11 Minutes
Special Factors - Your non-dominant leg and arm fell asleep and are tingling and hard to move for the first three minutes

This one is going to take some analysis.

Willie Lanier wins

So the kicker here is the special factors. The combatants are 800 feet apart, but a psychopath shows up in the middle at 400 feet and makes a beeline toward Willie Lanier. Willie can't use his bow effectively because his arm is asleep, and he's slow because it really hurts to run when your leg is asleep. The psychopath has better weaponry if Willie can't use his longbow, so can Willie evade him for three minutes in a mall? Willie has probably a 30 second head start assuming the psychopath runs at a normal speed.

I don't think Willie can fight off the psychopath in that first three minutes. I think Hydrae wins without firing a squirt shot.

The key here is who the psychopath sees as stronger. I am 6 feet tall, 185 pounds of soft office worker (57 years old) with a weapon that does not look dangerous. Willie on the other hand has that obvious bow so that could lead the psycho to head that way first.

This comes down to who the psycho attacks first. Without the psycho it is a different question and comes down to how well I can use the crowd to come up on Willie to negate the advantage of the bow. Up close I think the acid will be enough of a distraction that he will be pretty ineffective even with the knife.

Willie is going to get chopped up by a psycho... Hydrae will walk up and give Willie a couple of squirts and that will be it...

An interesting set of circumstances in this one to be sure.

It may be the first time in CP history that a member does not claim to be built like Hulk Hogan.

How are you defining "looks stronger"? As soon as Willie tries to move, he's going to limp and possibly fall over on his tingly leg, likely causing the psycho to view Hydrae as stronger.

You think Willie has no experience with Psycho's wanting to attack him? You don't get into the HOF by letting the Psycho's win. Bowie knife is used in hand to hand combat, Willie shanks him, then when full use of appendages is regained, can use the longbow for the win.

I went with Hydrae, I don't think it comes down to weaponry at all. The presence of the axe wielding psycho is going to cause everyone to panic and run possibly trampling Willie or at the least making it impossible to shoot while the psycho closes in and takes him down.

And just to confirm, the psycho is not Sherrill Headrick.

Maybe it would be like a World Cup soccer match where both contestants flop down immediately and writhe in pain at phantom attacks, in which case the psycho still goes after the guy with the longbow.

How corrosive is this acid?

We talking Alien eat through metal in seconds corrosive or, like, if it touches your skin it'll hurt but you aren't likely to die from it?

We'll go with what they throw on Afghani girls who are trying to get an education.

This match goes to Willie.
He already looks weak with a tingly asleep leg and arm. He just needs to look weak for the psycho to start attacking Hydra, then join in on the kill with his weapons.
That acid aint gonna do squat except burn yourself

Axe guy is going after Willie Lanier if he sees him. Guy in a mall with a bow and a big knife, vs guy with a bottle.

His arm and leg are asleep so he better be hiding for a few minutes.

Does the bottle have a spray nozzle? Squeeze bottle? Mason jar mouth? Is this a two story mall where people can look over a railing at people below them?

I voted Hydrae but I think the Axe guy really wins. Hydrae could spray some shoppers with the acid to try and earn some bonus points

Soft office worker ROFL

This is a good one.

An English Longbow and bowie knife is probably as good of weapon draw as one can get but I think the psychopath and Hydra both see WL as the threat and WL arms are asleep.</br></br>WL, I'm sorry because that was a very good weapon draw.

ROFL

In all honesty I know the crazy axe guy is coming for me, and I'm somewhat incapacitated, but I still have full function of half of my body, so I kneel down, take axe guy out, and end Hydrae with the bowie knife as he attempts to approach me with the acid bottle...

English longbow all day.

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Avoid the psychopath. Shoot the psychopath. Shoot Hydrae. All too easy.

Best bet is to run into a clothing store to kill time while feeling comes back in your leg and arm. Perhaps change clothes and fool the axe-murderer into walking right passed you. At that point you go to the upper level and try to land one of your 6 arrows.

Well, as far as I know, we haven't established who this axe murdering psychopath is, so in imagination land it could be a toddler, around 3 or 4 years old, in which case my previous hypothesis proves to be true

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Yeah Psychopath is going after the Longbow and a Bowie Knife. Hydrae is basically a regular dude with a water bottle to the psychopath.

Okay, match ended. Hydrae advances to Round 2 and watched a psychopath murder while drinking a smoothie.

After we win the Super Bowl can we resurrect this thread?

I think the psychopath will still go after you, allowing me plenty of time to douse you well with my lovely acid. :evil:

I enjoyed these. Maybe I'll work one up for the offseason if people are interested.