Divorce....
 

Well, yeah it sucks. Could someone who has been through a divorce with a spouse that was cheating send me a PM? Kansas laws. I need to get the hell out of this situation and could use some advice. Thanks.

Holy shit, the timing of this thread is weird for me. I have had a very bumpy, eventful past 6 weeks myself with this. I will respond with my situation when I get home from work. Ultimately, we reconciled and are back together...and closer than ever.

The last 2-3 months have been the worst of my life...hands down.

Is Kansas a fault or no fault state?

Both, but I don't think infidelity can be used as a reason for fault. And thanks.

Never marry again dude.

In Kansas I found that a cheating spouse has no bearing on anything, including custody. Nobody cares.

Yeah, I'm getting that feeling as well. The only question now is whether I want bust the piece of shit she cheated with, who is also married.

Dude... ****ing let his wife know. That ****er disrespected you and could jeopardize your livelihood and emotional well being.. You put him in his place with his life. **** him.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com

This is a pretty great resource. Lots of tools to help you personally and a venue where you can anonymously share your story. Others that have been through it have some great advice to pass on. Went through something similar over a year ago and found it all to be quite helpful.

Sorry you are going through all of that. It’s an emotional hell. Be careful that things aren’t just getting swept under the rug and not being properly dealt with. It’s been noted that it can take anywhere from 2-5 years to fully recover and/or reconcile from marital infidelity. Take care man.

Congratulations



Divorce can be a good thing embrace your new life. A new beginning a new hope.



Don't get down on yourself my utmost best advice Go fishing I'm not talking POF real fishing discover yourself.

This.

Marriage for a woman is the happiest day of her life. For a man its divorce.

Bullshit.

Divorce is ****ing terrible for some men...for me, anyways. The entire process, everything. It sucks.

The affidavits are hurtful to write, hurtful to read.

I guess it just depends on the relationship. I am so happy my wife and I dropped the divorce last week. I felt like I lost my best friend and I was grieving it...like I felt like she died and it was terrible...and every time I saw her briefly to pick up or drop off the kids, it seemed like a ghost of her...we were like a shell of who were in those interactions and it was freaking sad. I’ve shed a lot of tears these past 2 months and I couldn’t be happier that I’m not doin no that anymore.

If you're lucky she'll do you for revenge.

Infidelity means nothing to a judge, they dont take it into consideration at all. My best advice is to start a journal immediately and log every encounter she has with you and the children if you have any. Sorry this happened to you, it hurts but I promise it gets better.

Bottom line...get a good lawyer. Don't try to do it yourself and don't do mediation.

I wouldn't call that 'luck', but if dude's wife is cute, you may need to hit it on GP.

Sorry about it.

I haven't recovered from my divorce 7 years ago, and there was no infidelity.

Divorce is absolute hell.

I don't agree. I've been married 28 years. It's not been all unicorns and rainbows but still happy with my life and how the marriage has turned out.

I've never thought about cheating with someone. I think based upon how crushed I'd be if she cheated on me. I don't know how people get past that betrayal. Good to see others have successfully moved on from that.

Marriage is like a carnival mirror....

And my favorite line is: Don't get mad. Get even.

I did not see if there are kids involved. It certainly changes things when the process gets going.

When the conversation of divorce was mentioned my marriage was past the point of no return but it seems you are the one bringing said action and you don't sound like you want to reconcile. At this point it just a fight for the money unless there are kids involved and still the most major item is the money.

When I got divorced there were lots of financial papers floating (none asking how my mental well being was) and lawyers trying to find hidden assets but the reason for the divorce was only a formality.

Why do you want to go after the other guy? Is it your problem that he cheated on his wife or only because your wife was the one he cheated with? Your wife cheated on YOU.

Good luck, May you enjoy the fact that she is going to tag any savings, equity properties, collectibles, retirement, 401K's and IRA's accounts and depending on your situation own or make you buy her out of any businesses you own together.

My divorce was easy, we only dealt with the money.

You will soon understand, with 20/20, why prenups are so important.

Well, for one, it happened in my house while I was on vacation with the kids. Two, I'm not confronting him, just giving his wife a heads up.

You went on vacation, with your kids...but your wife stayed home...

Had she been planning the infidelity?

How did you find out?

This. Except the person left broken by the cheating.

Pics?

I really wanted to beat the ever living hell out of "him". Now 8 years later, I want to send him a case of Crown and a handwritten thank you note every July 4...their Anniversary. It still rankles me that I didn't realize what a whore she was....but I am so glad she is history. My daughter was gonna do one of those DNA things, but decided not to just in case she isn't genetically mine. I told her regardless, she will always be my daughter and the love of my life. Yep, she's 19 and has so many doubts about her whorish mother...sad.

Which is exactly the right thing to do. Now turn into a gray rock to her.

Prenups do get thrown out or ignored by judges at times.

antifreeze ..bottom of lake. A lot cheaper

Just sayin..

A CASE of Crown?

Nah, a bottle will do. ;)

Divorce is the worse. It is like a fog that completely sets in on your life.
Whatever happens be sure to take care of yourself because the only thing more stressful then a divorce is a death of a loved one

If you haven't mentioned you found out she's cheating, or the Divorce word than right now you're in good shape. If not, you need to literally drop everything you're doing right this very second and do this next step.

Get to whatever places you bank at jointly and set up new accounts ASAP and dump all of your liquid funds into them. Some of it hers too? Well, feel free to charge a processing fee and take that shit too. Do that before she does it to you, because she absolutely will.

Anything else that she could somehow access that you don't want her to access? Get her the **** off that shit right ****ing now.

Once you're done with that, you need to secure your own dwelling and do it fast. House, trailer, sad bachelors studio apartment, whatever the **** it is do it. This is also a time you can start working on the lawyer front.

Whenever she's out to work or out ****ing her new man, that's when you roll up the moving truck to quickly pack your shit up and get the **** out.

Get your shit first, debate what shit is hers and what is yours after the fact. After that is complete, that's when you start dropping the truth bombs on her ass.

I'd want to complete everything from start to finish in 48 hours and would "treat her to a weekend out" to help avoid having that interference. If you can't get a place to put all your stuff so quickly, put it in a storage locker for now.

The main key here is to remove all your assets before she can even realize what the **** is going on, as until you officially do that she can take whatever of yours she feels like helping herself to. I watched a friend go through the proceedings and he followed all these steps and it was the most jedi mind trick shit I've seen.

You, OBVIOUSLY, have no idea how glad I am that he took her!!!:D

**** that, get out of the situation and let that be someone elses problem. Dont get into it, its not worth it. Wash your hands and move on.

Yeah....I'm very glad I didn't hospitalize him and end up in jail. Hind sight might prove that your advice is sage.....

Best way to get them both is to drain all of her ability to get a good ass lawyer to fight you in court, so if she wants a strong lawyer he will have to give her the money. LMAO

Let's see how 'in love' they are then!:clap:

ROFL

But you can still grudge**** his wife.

No one says that's off the table...

I guess I am a simpleton I don't get this at all. It may be the only reason I would get a divorce.

If you do get a divorce, don’t fight all the small insignicant stuff. The only people that gain from fighting over trivial issues are lawyers.

id still tell his wife. no idea how many other b*tches he has on the side. be concerned for her health

As I mentioned before, I'm not confronting the dude.

Please sight cases where this has happened in Kansas?

I know a few, or did, Kansas specialty divorce lawyers who deal with tax, trust, and family areas and they all told me, for future reference, that unless there are extenuating circumstances that a prenup is gold. All the way down to family issues such as where the kids spend Christmas!

After 2 tough divorces, here is what I learned. You can end up better off as there are plenty of fine ladies who will help you land on your feet. Divorce lawyers are often scum, it is important to find one you are comfortable with. The best revenge is living well.

Understood...I was only commenting in my circumstance. You seem very level headed...I tend to not be.

If he (OP) talked to a lawyer and I presume (cough) he certainly has as he is filling out affidavits, he has been given the divorce Miranda rights speech.

If he hasn't seen a lawyer and hasn't tied down the mutual assets so they are out of reach, he is a ****ing idiot.

If the later is true, then the above is great advice, but I'm guessing she has beat him to it already.

Mary Ellen Rose..OP Divorce Dragon Lady....

This place never disappoints. LMAO

Again some fine advice but you assume he (3rd party) is in the game for keeps.



When you choke off the cash you run the risk that you come home, depending on the circumstances, to find your Snap-on tool cabinet, your electronics, and gun safe gone so you may second guess that advice.

In no fault divorce, you want to settle things and not appear in front of a judge unable to make an agreement.

You must've missed the part where he advised to get everything of value out immediately.

Who gives a goddamn **** if he's for keeps or not? Not your problem. You must not of read the post I made at all.

You don't worry about your stuff because you get all that shit out in a hurry and somewhere she can't get to, or knows about. Is some of that shit you've just taken stuff she's in entitled to in the end? Yeah, sure, possibly.

But until that point, that's less shit for her to pawn or sell to get funds to hire a better lawyer to **** you over.

Great if she is an idiot, Just hire 2 men and a truck and have them load up all the good stuff.

When her credit (debit) card doesn't work to buy food for the kids: It's (the war) is on.

The OP said nothing about kids, so...

Sorry to hear this baitism.

I have had friends who suffered through it. However, they aren't from Kansas. Glad to hear that Kansas has its shit together on that front.

Excellent advise, sir. :clap:

Eh. He did what shitty men do. But at the end of the day, she let him. She's the one who disrespected baitism. The guy will get his eventually but I don't agree in telling the wife. That's just too petty and could open up a whole new can of worms you don't want.
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Sorry, brother, adultery is a complete heart punch. That crap hurts.

you need someone to vent to let me know.

The fact that judges don't care about it is disheartening.

This is a good way to set the judge against you from the start. If you succeed in preventing her from getting a lawyer it might work out, but if she gets a loan from her parents, her lawyer will make you look like a jackass to the court. If you leave her with the kids and no money you are hurting your custody chances and likely increasing you child support.

OP,
My wife does family law, pm me if you want contact info.

And the people who work for them. :D

My firm is basically an all things for rich people type of place. Nothing like some high level corporate prick who left his ice cold wife of 20 years for the plastic-titted receptionist. These people get so wrapped up in rage that they'll expend $50,000 in legal fees fighting over a $500 vase. Luckily, I work on the commercial side. I definitely prefer dealing with professional clients who just want to close a deal and move on to the next deal to butthurt emotional wrecks.

At the end of the day, unless the wife smokes crack in the courtroom, she's going to get custody of the kids, and if she made less money or didn't work at all, alimony. Often even documented, iron clad evidence of infidelity doesn't factor in. It's ridiculous how pro wife most judges are. And of course taking care of the children is always paramount in their eyes. Remember the case where the man was proven to not be the father of a kid, but got stuck paying child support anyway? IIRC, that was in Kansas.

My advice - suffer in silence until the kids are grown, and then try to split as amicably as possible. And hope she dies of natural causes in the interim.

It is kind of ridiculous considering the nature of marriage vows and marriage itself.

I have a good friend who was screwed in family court merely because of his gender. It is despicable. But you don't see third wave feminists arguing for equality there.

That case you cited is ridiculous. How can a man be responsible for child support in that situation?!

There was a thread about it here somewhere, but it happened a few years ago. I don't remember the details, but the basic gist of it was somebody needed to take care of the child, and that was all that mattered.

From what I've heard. Grain of salt:


1. Cheating is meaningless. Won't be factored in a divorce

2. Kansas I hear (if JoCo) almost always goes 50-50 in assets child support and custody now. Barring any extreme factors


Hope that helps. I just saved you 10k or whatever it costs.

I have three. That's by far the worst part. Financially, I'll be alright.

I suppose the way they see it is that infidelity is a result of a marriage that has already failed. Not sayin' it's right...just sayin'.

Remember, it's not the guys fault for banging your chick. It's strictly your wife or GF's fault. I don't get the logic of getting pissed off at the guy that banged your chick. It's never made any sense to me.

They don't care because adultery isn't a legal issue. They are right not to care.

Bullshit^


For very few people, divorce is good. For the vast majority it's shit. I've seen it plenty.


Any guy who thinks divorce means more fishing, more pussy (10 years younger too!) and more happiness is deluding himself.


***disclaimer: if she's a fat psycho cheating monster, disregard this

Kids complicate things big time. Do you have kids?

Pretty sure it was in Texas.

It is my understanding the first time you make a payment, you are on the hook.

Could not agree more. Get out as fast as you can, anyway you can, but that's only me. The same thing happened to me back in the 90s and it's still the gift that keeps giving because her new brother in law is a lowlife lawyer who sits around dreaming up new ways to extort me.

Well, you are kind of a dumbass, so I can see how you wouldn't get it.

If the guy doesn't know the woman is married, that's one thing. Sounds like he knew. He's also married to somebody else.

I doubt if he was over for tea and accidentally slipped and fell and stuck his dick in her. He's just as at fault as she is.

Yikes really? That is the only thing holding me back from marriage. I have a ton of assets. If I get married, I'm going to need to have an iron clad prenup. I've been with my chick for 9 years. She's very upset with me we haven't gotten married yet ROFL

Talk to an attorney. I think you'll find they only get thrown out when it would leave someone destitute and unable to care for themselves or someone intentionally manipulating assets to end marriage with nothing while they have assets protected via prenup.

I could see it from that angle, but in the end, it just marginalizes marriage.

:rolleyes:

She'd be better off not marrying you,

Remember that nobody controls your happiness but you.

That is what I was hoping the OP would try to understand. The more petro soaked logs you throw on the fire the greater the possibilities of burns resulting from said logs.

It happens!

If there are kids involved, then fish. If not, cut bait.