Gladiator 2018 - Round 6 Championship Match - kysirsoze versus Bwana
 

This is it. The long-awaited championship match. One of these two combatants will lift the coveted Chiefsplanet Gladiatorial trophy.

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is. All participants are handed their weapons at t=0 unless stated otherwise.


Venue - Backstage at the Broadway production of*Madison (actors and staff present)
Starting Distance - 99 feet

kysirsoze

Main Weapon - Battle Axe
Backup Weapon - Bo Staff

Prep Time - 2 Minutes
Special Factors - You were kneed in the groin three times by actress Jennifer Lawrence at time t= -5 seconds, right after she was told that she's paid less than her male costars.

Bwana

Main Weapon - Two Handed Sword
Backup Weapon - A loop of piano wire with handles and a loud shrill whistle

Prep Time - 7 Minutes
Special Factors - Any people who might be present (other than an audience) believe you are the villain

Tough matchup. Let’s hear from the contestants.

:eek: Oh man!

My twins hurt just reading about your triple nard shot. Sorry Kysirsoze, you're not recovering fast enough to put up any kind of fight when I only have to cover a little over 30 yards to reach you. If it's any consolation, I'll also kill of Jennifer Lawrence before I leave. :D

Bawan will cleave poor kysirsoze in half with his Claymore

The nut shot special factor is brutal.

All the people in the arena might think he’s the villain but I’m not bullrushing anyone with a sword.

Nutshot is killer.

This. Bawan would have had the edge in a straight up duel but taking a knee to the bag 5 seconds before being charged with a sword?
Sorry ‘soze, you battled valiantly to get here, but there can be only one.

Easy win. I give the bo staff to the biggest stage hand and now it's two on one. No way he beats me with the help. Not to mention other people will join in.

A backstage full of people who see him as a villain. I scream "he's trying to kill me!". I get more help than I need. End of match.

Sword or no, you're not making it 30 yards accosted. You will be mobbed and beaten preparing you for a skull splitting axe blow.

I'm assuming the people still voting aren't even reading the thread. Bwana has no chance here. He's outnumbered 100 to 1. One knee from JLaw doesn't change that.

LMAO Sure........

Yeah Broadway types are going to come at some guy swinging a sword? A few people back stage may see me as the enemy, but what are they going to do, come after me and face death? If you're lucky, I may get hit with a stray purse which will not be much of a distraction.

Meanwhile, you will be nursing your nads which have not been stuck not once, but THREE times. Dude, you're not getting up. Prepare for a dirt nap. :D

ROFL Who's mult is this?

"Broadway types"? You clearly haven't been backstage at a Broadway show. Professional stage hands are not only strong as hell, they are like the most macho ****ing guys on the planet. The do nothing but snort coke and swap stories about touring with Bon Jovi. You would be ****ing mobbed in a heartbeat. I won't even have to lift my axe.

Nothing says macho like touring with Bon Jovi

Wait...

Jesus Christ...

I know I'm up against CP's resident Bill Brasky here, but a couple dozen meathead dudes from the Bronx who lift heavy objects all day for a living would ****ing destroy Bwana by themselves, sword or no sword. This match was over before voting started, but don't act like it's due to sound argument.

As Ky is kneeling and writhing in pain from the nut crunch, Bwana charges with his sword and just as the stage hands and other random people are set to intervene as good samaritans on the behalf of Ky and topple the mighty Bwana, he suddenly stops a few feet in front of Ky, pulls out his super shrill whistle and blows it with all his might. This causes many spectators/interveners to suddenly freeze, some in agony, many in confusion, not sure what is actually happening now. This is enough of a distraction for Bwana to drop the whistle, put his other now firmly on the sword and quickly move the last few feet for the killshot.

FATALITY! . . . . . . . courtesy of a decapitation.

LMAO... Like I said, CP's Bill Brasky. I particularly like how the linchpin of this plan is blowing a whistle to draw more attention from would be opponents while running 30 yards.

All Bwana would have to do is whip his dick out. I'm pretty sure it could knock my head off at thirty yards. If not I probably die of fright/shame.

Don’t be butthurt.


There can be only one . . . . . .

I don't even want to think about what it would do to my butt.

Rumor has it that Bwana is 7 feet tall . . . . .

Can shoot fireballs from his eyes, and lightning bolts from his ass . . . . . .



(I took all of that into account for my decision)

Things are getting a little too silly now, time to get ready for bed little mister

I think it's Tranny Taco John?

LMAO #kaliforniathings

Some of the backstage people are actors who will just take selfies of the battleaxe/sword fight, but some will intervene or at least throw things at the villain. I have to go with kysirsoze here.

Kysir just needs to buy a little time and keep rallying people for help. None of this matters, because people are just coming into the thread and voting without considering how impactful the "villain" special factor really is.

Side note: I happen to know kysirsoze really can't stand Jennifer Lawrence. Mostly because of her public persona. For him to lose in the finals after being kneed in the groin three times by her is an ending that is right out of Game of Thrones for him.

:hmmm:

Nard shot X 3. He is going to be completely incapacitated.
https://i.makeagif.com/media/6-22-2015/phC0FA.gif

Should I tell him where Broadway is?

You live in L.A.

You say things like “You clearly haven’t been backstage at a broadway show” and think it sounds bad ass.

You’re crying over losing an imaginary contest that would go considerably worse for you irl.

#kaliforniathings

LMAO I'm having some fun while getting my ass kicked. You're flexing like a douchebag like you do in every thread on this site.

Was waiting for official word from Rainman, but I figured I'd come in and officially concede. Congrats Bwana! I'm honored to die at the hands of such a worthy adversary. Especially since I probably should have lost the last two rounds. (Sorry Sofa King and Wazu!)

Thanks for putting all this together, Rainman. It was a lot of fun and I'm sure it was a lot of work for you. Just further proof that your the best CPer by a wide margin.

Till the next one.

Congrats, Bwana!

Oh, thanks! I was on the road and kept meaning to offer up the crown. I hereby crown Bwana the Gladiatorial Champion of 2018. Nice work from all of our contestants.

Thanks boss!

Hey at least he didn't give you two grizzly's to run at me.

https://trib.com/lifestyles/recreati...562b06717.html