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Dad Jokes
Father's Day is coming up, and I just feel like laughing. Give me your best dad jokes.
Two that I've heard recently: What did the drummer name his twin daughters? Anna 1, Anna 2 When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. |
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a women.
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I say this to my kids every time we drive by a cemetery.
“You know, the cemetery is a very popular place. People are dying to get in.” Even as they grow older they still smirk due to the cheese factor. LMAO |
“I knew a guy that lived i a round house. I went crazy because he couldn’t find a corner to pee in”.
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How do you make one disappear?
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If a blind woman says you have a big dick, she’s probably pulling your leg.
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Posted this on FB a few years ago..
I saw this and thought; well that's just nuts. |
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Look, at the end of the day...
It's night. |
I for one like Roman numerals.
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What did the ocean say to the shore.
Nothing, it just waved. Dad jokes app.... |
Dad, Im cold
Go stand in the corner. It's 90 degrees. |
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Why can't dinosaurs clap?
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ROFL
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A magician was walking down the street and turned into a driveway.
I broke my finger the yesterday, on the other hand I'm fine. How Long is Chinese name? Now matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationary. I have the heart of a lion and a life time ban from the zoo. I wondered why the baseball was getting larger, then it hit me. I read a great book on the history of glue, I couldn't put it down. |
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
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How do you catch a tame rabbit?
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What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
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Did you hear about the guy that married the Amish gal?
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My wife complains I don’t buy her flowers. To be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
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Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny. |
What did the Buffalo say when he dropped his son off at school.
Bison. |
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldnt change color?
He had a reptile dysfuntion. |
An oldie and a goodie for many Iowans.
Why did the man put the car in the oven? He wanted a hot rod. |
Why did the old lady fall into the well?
She didn’t see that well. |
I got this mug for Christmas
<a href="https://app.photobucket.com/u/KCTattoo58/p/4e8e0cec-b023-491b-94b1-0b5b65fd12d2" target="_blank"><img src="https://hosting.photobucket.com/images/ii574/KCTattoo58/(edited)_Best_Farter_Ever.jpg?width=590&height=370&fit=bounds" border="0" alt="(edited)_Best_Farter_Ever"/></a> |
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender says, I'm sorry, but we don't serve your kind here. The mushroom replied: "Why not? I'm a fungi!"
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What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam |
I tried to take Viagra last night but it got stuck in my throat…I woke up with a stiff neck.
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My father's favorite joke - in honor of Father's day
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Dad, I’m hungry.
Hi hungry, I’m dad. |
What do you call a fish with no eyes.
FSSSSSH |
My wife asked my daughter if she heard about the little boy that was kidnapped.
It is okay, he woke up. (My daughter was like, ugh, that is so old, why, why would you do that to me) |
My favorite one lately with my daughter
Daughter: "... how did I end up with you as a Father." Me: "it was an accident" I've been laughing over that one for a month now. |
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My son once said to me "You mother ****er" I says back "You're right I am a mother ****er how do you think you were conceived?" |
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2 birds were sitting on a perch. One turned to the other and said "Do you smell fish?"
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2 fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and said "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
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Why did the mortician put a white shirt on the dead man?
The dead man couldn't put it on himself. |
What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?
Nothing, he was gladiator. |
Two hookers are standing on a corner when a cop drives past. One looks at the other and asks, "have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The other says, "no, but I've been swung around by the tits."
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Before I met your Mother I would go to three different church services on Sunday to meet women. I was a real Roman Catholic.
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Did you hear about the new Pirate movie coming out???
Spoiler!
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What do you call a masturbating bull?
Beef Strokinoff |
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