Monkey Belonging to Texas Special Team's Coach Stripper Girlfriend Bites Child
 

This has to be the headline of the year:

Monkey belonging to Texas Special Team's Coach Stripper Girlfriend bites child on Halloween.

https://www.foxnews.com/sports/monke...d-on-halloween

I saw this on Twitter and started looking. Only Fox mentions that the girlfriend is a stripper in the headline, which I personally thought was an important fact. In fact, her stage name is 'Pole Assassin'. She appeared at one point on the Jerry Springer Show. But this incident raises several questions about what we should learn from this incident:

1. Is this a danger of having a stripper girlfriend?

2. Is this a danger of having a girlfriend who has an emotional support animal?

3. is this a danger of having a girlfriend who has a monkey?

4. Is this a danger of giving away Halloween candy?

5. Why would you have a monkey as an emotional support animal?

6. Why would you date a woman whose professional name is 'Pole Assassin'? That's almost as bad as dating a woman whose professional name is 'felony' (the stage name of a stripper I represented at one point. Fortunately, she was charged with only a misdemeanor).

I, for one, cannot get enough of this hard-hitting journalism that focuses upon real stories and real people.

What are the odds? :doh!:
Oh and "Pole Assassin" LMAO

That stripper needs to spank the monkey.

This should become a "Fire Dave Toub" thread.

A suitable replacement has been found.

Q

Monkey see, monkey don't

Yep. Get that monkey here STAT.

Who can Vartch trade for that monkey?

I feel dirty. And I like it.

https://i.imgflip.com/2hgiev.jpg

Texas special teams coach Jeff Banks needs to stop monkeying around and get down.... (to basics).

Stripper monkeys are the worst...

Depending on the cap hit, bring him in for a look?

It(the child) shouldn't have dropped a candy wrapper on the porch

I've been thinking a bit about this and I'm thinking about the lawsuit. Say the kid sues the coach for keeping a dangerous animal and the coach is saying that the monkey bite is unforeseeable. I can just see the judge say, "Sir, your girlfriend's name is Pole Assassin. She has a monkey. Those 2 facts right there pretty much anything foreseeable."

LMAO

*pics to decide if she can assassin my pole*

Also, how weird of a word is assassin?
ASS ASS IN!

No pics of Pole Assassin? I am disappoint

Here she is from Jerry Springer years ago.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/mISUebrh6zw" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

So, to paraphrase….PIIHB?

To quote Twista “I’m gonna hit her in the hole with my soul pole”.

hell yeah!

An important question remains unanswered so far: what was the child's costume? If the kid was dressed as a banana, then no one should blame the monkey. It's a known risk of being a banana.

Monkey was vaccinated so it's all good

1, 2, wood not

Funky Monkey.

Wonder if he was part of her act.

Maybe the trick or treater asked her for a lap dance and she told the monkey to bite him.

The most Florida thing ever to happen outside of Florida.

if you don't know why you would date a woman who goes by the name "Pole Assassin" IDK what to tell you man

Guys I met a girl named Hog Snobbler do you think I should text her back?

I guess college football coaches are just like the rest of us.

Note to self: it's time to call it a night when the dj at the titty bar fires up this track for the next act:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/eyV3zCq1OHM" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Do you really want Billay's sloppy seconds?

Police just released a photo of the child....

I would go apeshit

Who among us hasn't had a stripper girlfriend's monkey bite a child?

Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey.

Me. I'm going to have my stripper girlfriend get rid of her monkey.

Don't want to tempt fate...

Your inside is out, and your outside is in, so come on.