Widower's Club
 

Gained membership into the club last Saturday at 8:10AM.

Throwing a party today. Bunch of people coming to the farm today. Spreading ashes. It is kinda ****ed up because we came out here to get away from people, yet today what I need is people around me, but I'm also *REALLY* looking forward to them all going away.

We weren't Christian. In neither of our estimation (hers and mine) is she in "a better place", "teaching kids in heaven", or "fulfilling God's plan". Not to take anything away from you all who believe. That isn't even remotely my intent. Just thinking about the platitudes I've heard so far and how unhelpful the majority of them are. Her place was here, with me, with our dogs, with our animals. I had 30-40 years left with her. She is not where she belongs.

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Best thing I ever did was give her a gigantic leatherbound journal for our first anniversary. I now have the past 15 years of her innermost thoughts, her drawings, her struggles, and her victories all at my fingertips.

Biggest takeaway so far is that I just need to tread water for the next 6 months. No big decisions, no moving, no ending the lives of all my pets and then squaring myself away.

It has been a week and it has gotten "easier" to bear which is just code words for "just being in your house isn't gonna make you lose your shit"... it means that you get used to being in the house UNTIL you see something that brings up a specific memory or someone says something that touches on one of your inside secrets or struggles as a couple. Then you lose it all over again. Then, and only then, does your brain get the chance to prepare itself for the next time it sees or hears that specific reference.

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Life is short, it is beautiful... but it is also ****ing horseshit. The only actual and truly wonderful part of mine is gone.

https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries...msHuTgYiRw8e-Y

/don't worry about condolences for me or the like... take that energy and put it towards that person you married. Get up from your desk, find them, and squeeze the **** out of them instead.

💔 I'm so sorry.
It's the best and worst cake I make every year.

But make it I do.

I'm so sorry.
Nothing helps now but believe that time will chip away at the pain.

Sorry Janx.

That's a nice obituary . Sounds like you're handling it well.

Prayers with you, family and loved ones

She was my age. I’m so very sorry. Going to love my family even more today.

I took your advice and squeezed the **** out of my spouse and now I'M in the widower's club. :(

Every today can be held sacred for all the reasons we each acknowledge it to be sacred. May you for find peace in sorrow and gratitude and grief and joy and everything else that will come and go and come again. Thanks for the reminder, Janx.

Wife looked at me and said “all of this because of a guy from the internet?”

No, but he certainly gave me a nudge.

Thanks Janx

Done, and I'm gutted for you. My wife is my best friend and I can't imagine life without her.

Sorry for your loss. She seemed like a great person.

Welcome to the club. Hang your coat and hat on the hooks by the door. There's some shitty coffee and stale donuts on the table. Have a seat.

My condolences to you and your family at this time. May God give you the strength you need for you to support all of those around you during this period.

:grovel:

Prayers

I'll take your suggestion too, many thanks for your post today Janx.

That’s rough knowing you have to go through this. No words can really replace her, and while you might not believe, I will still pray for you as the days pass by.

Not Christian but you are having a memorial at the Bible Chapel? Interesting.

Prayers with you in these times of sorrow.

Condolences Sir.

She certainly sounded like a wonderful person. Carrying on will be hard, but honor her legacy.

Much love Bro.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Sorry man, wish there was something I could do to help.

Sry to hear that. I know you said you don't want condolences and I will respect that. But even though you're not Christian, I'll pray for you anyway. My wife is my best friend and I don't know how I'd deal with that. I can't even imagine what you're going through.

Mind if I ask what happened? She wasn't that old. If that's too personal and you don't want to answer, that's okay and I understand.

Condolences .
Took your advice and gave her a good hug.
Life is short and I will be praying for you.

Oh man.

I'm sorry.

I know how you feel. Club member since 2013.

It's rough. Hang in there, and go at your own pace. Everybody else can **** off. You take care of YOU, the rest can wait.

Love you Janx, hang in there. ;)

I took your advice, and I appreciate the reminder and thank you for it. I'm sorry to hear this and my thoughts are with you.

:(

I'm sorry, brother.

That great amount of deep pain you feel is equal to that great amount of deep love you gave. It VALIDATES it beyond measure.

It's terribly humbling to me to think some never get to experience that. Just like not getting to experience a full life.

You are and were a blessed man.

May you find the strength to lean on the Lord. He knows exactly how you feel.

You might reach out to Endzoner if you need someone to talk to.

Hang in there, man.

So sorry to see this, especially given her age.

Good reminder to all of us who have great spouses.

Thank you.

I have nothing to add to what Stevie said.

Sorry for your loss.

Sorry to hear this man, I don't know you but my thoughts are with you. Hang in there.

................take that energy and put it towards that person you married. Get up from your desk, find them, and squeeze the **** out of them instead.

Thanks for saying that .

Sorry for your loss my brother. Hope you’re doing well mentally, it seems you are. Bless up, only the good die young.

I too am sorry to hear this. I will respect your wishes and also refer to StevieRays thoughts as I couldn't say it better either.

So sorry to hear about your tragic loss, Janx.

Condolences.

My Dad just became a widower recently and I've seen the toll it can take. Best of luck

If we were vampires and death was a joke
We'd go out on the sidewalk and smoke
Laugh at all the lovers and their plans
I wouldn't feel the need to hold your hand
Maybe time running out is a gift
I'll work hard 'til the end of my shift
And give you every second I can find
And hope it isn't me who's left behind

Condolences, MJ. :(

Damn. So sorry for you loss.

Damn. So sorry man.

I am not sure I can live without the wife. She is certainly the better half. Stay strong man. I can't even imagine.

She was only a couple months older than my brother :(

Very sorry for your loss. My mom journals, I read previous years when I visit for Christmas. Its the only thing I want of hers when she's gone.

Check your inbox, m j
sec

ugh man this is starting to suck hard! Prayers up and out to you and yours bud. I'm sorry!

Taking your advice... Thank you.. Hope you find some peace and joy somehow.. Sorry for your loss..

This explains some things.

Sorry you’re going through that.

I hope I go before my wife. I don’t know what I’d do without her. She takes care of finances and insurance and stuff. I just cook and vacuum.

sorry for your loss.

So sorry to hear this. It really isn’t fair.

If there is a specific charity or cause that you would like donations for in her honor, please let us know.

Sorry for your loss. Prayers for family and friends! Cherish the great memories!

Sorry for your loss. May she R.I.P.

Sorry for your loss. I hope things can go as well as they possibly can for you and your loved ones in this difficult time.

Thoughts, prayers, and I hope you find peace.

Member since 1992. 1st wife had cystic fibrosis and she made it to the average age for CFer's at that time, 25. I was 30. Try not to crawl in a shell. I was a zombie for the 1st year or so after. Did find another good woman 5 years later. Wasn't looking but it happened. You never know what's coming down the road although I know right now it feels like a Mack truck.

Sorry for your loss. So sad she died young, but it sounds as though you gave her great love and a great life during her time here. That is so much more than many people ever get to experience. I know you don't believe in prayer, but I will say one for you and hope your pain eases with time, while never forgetting the great women she was to you.

Hang in there. The pain can be good. It's there because of the immense love you felt. Life isn't fair and you can't change time. Just try to cherish the great memories you had and hopefully she will live on with you. Condolences.

Those services were put on by her side of the family. I wasn't keen on my wife's death being used as an opportunity to hold mass thus I was not at that service. They are welcome to grieve in their own way and I wasn't going to stand in their way.

I had her party today, at our farm, with the people that ACTUALLY knew her, with the people that actually care about me.

Hope the truth was as interesting as your imagination. :D

Thank you for the well wishes. We had a great party for Cathy today. I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, dehydrated, and wide awake yet still yawning my face off.

Everyone has gone to bed now. I'm the only one left awake. I'm gonna cuddle the dogs and watch some TV while I go to sleep in her office chair and listening to my chicks peeping madly (chicks are in the house and in a kennel in our computer room).

This is all ridiculous and surreal. I got a memorial tattoo for her on my forearm. Can't help but see it all the time. She will be with me forever. I will accomplish everything we set out to do on this farm or I will die trying.

Didn't get to spread the ashes because weather was shitty and I didn't want my wife to clump in our yard. lol

Gonna wait for a nice windy day. Gonna sit outside with the dogs and wait for a hawk to fly overhead... then let her go fly with it.

Sorry for your loss Janx.

Lots of posters here were triggered by my respectfully asked question.

Thanks for answering. You have been quite vocal in your non-belief so the location of the service caught my attention.

Nice little try at a dig there. You will learn as she has.

Best of fortune in your grieving process.

I can't even imagine, man. I'm fairly confident I would cease being able to function for a year. Best of luck in working through it, and condolences.

My wife and I (both very much non-religious) had a loosely-Christian marriage ceremony. And if we both go at the same time, our will stipulates that our parents can decide what kind of funeral ceremony we have.

Sometimes you do things more for family than for yourselves.

Absolutely. That is why I asked about the background behind the decision. Jinx has been vocal about his situation so I was curious.

Do for family.

There was no dig, I even went out and edited my post to add a smile to let you know that I’m just answering.

That said…

You wanna provide some clarification here? Ban or not, if you mean what I think you mean then drop me an address in PM and I’ll work to arrange a meeting between yourself and my wife. She will tell you everything she has learned.

Very sorry you’re going thru this MJ.

Don't be eDave.

See, that won't work. We will be in different locations. And if there is nothing, no one to talk to then.

Is this the part where if this has the prayer emoji in the thread title Carr would be removed?

I am not the poster issuing vague physical threats.

But I will retire to prevent any more hurt feelings.

You’re just poking and prodding and playing the victim. Bleeding over dc shit for no good reason. Very poor taste and you realize that but it’s worth more as a “religious person” to make your point?

LOL

As foretold in the prophesies. Big smack talk… no substance.

It’s like you got all your feelings so hurt by people negging you forgot for half a second that I’ve lost every ****ing will to live and taking someone out with me sounds like a ****ing blast. Dunno why you are taking out your fe fees being hurt on me bud but your shit is misplaced. I’m gonna chalk it up to you not having our bowl of morning methamphetamines and move along for now.

Not as a religious person but as a person, period.

I asked a simple question. People got upset over it. It has definitely regrettably escalated since then. I am not pleased with that development or my previous reply.

My wife is my rock and my anchor.

I'm not sure I'd even make it a year. I'm sure I'd burn out in a blaze of glory, quite literally.

I can't imagine being without my wife. Condolences to you and your family sir.

Very sorry for your loss, M. Janx. I have no comforting words and no way to empathize. But I will take your advice. :thumb:

Then ****ing delete your posts and apologize, dumb shit.

Yeah, I am going to travel to fight some guy off a message board. It would be meaningless for all parties.

Fine by me. The general gist of that paragraph can be understood. No need to keep it going in my camp. Find peace. As I said before, sorry for your loss.

I stay out of the lounge....for a good reason.

I actually like your takes considering they're coming from an opposing team. But damn, this isn't football man.

Sure, we can go back in forth about opions but you're being a dick.

"Triggered" has become my pet peave.

Everyone is triggered by something but it's different when someone lost a love one.

This isn't political.

I don't mean to get pissy but a classier guy could have had a little more tact than that.

I'll make you a promise. When you lose a loved one I will offer my condolences and give you my cell if you need someone to vent at.

Just seemed kind of douchey....sorry for my rant

Mods, can we punt this dude into the sun? Come on.

Man, that ****ing sucks. I've had to watch a parent wither away, but that doesn't compare to losing a spouse, especially one who is young enough that she has no business being gone. Take care of yourself, find people to talk to, and don't get addicted to anything.

****ing hell Janx, I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through.

Sounds like you got some quality people around to help navigate you through. Hang in there, man.

Janx, looks like I'm a little late but want to send my thoughts to you and will use that love and energy to hug and hold my SO and our dogs. Hope you are doing well and the people that came to celebrate her life helped you out.

Please feel free to reach out if you ever need anything