Do you ever feel like a disappointment?
 

A bit of a more serious thread for our Sunday night.

Do you ever feel like a disappointment to;
To your family?
Your friends
Significant other?
Other people you care about?

Just a little background.

I would consider myself to be at least somewhat successful in life. I graduated high school, got my Bachelor's degree, and I make a positive impact on people's lives each day. I would say that I'm generally a good person. I help people when I can. I treat all people I interact with kindness. Am I perfect? No. But who is?

I've been having this nagging feeling that I'm not good enough for the people around me. It's not a fun feeling.

Anyone else experience anything like this?

Do I ever feel like a disappointment to myself? Surely. On a routine basis. But I try to learn and grow from it then move on.

Do I feel like I'm disappointment to others? Only if I have specifically let someone down. Otherwise, **** 'em, they aren't perfect either.

Yes.

No.. I have never felt like Russell Willson...

That’s probably a normal for even the most successful people. You can try your best, but you can’t be perfect at everything or please everyone. Just do your best and be decent to people, unless they’re donkey fans.

Nah. The trick is to get joy from yourself and not rely on other people.

It would be stranger for me if someone never took stock like this and thought their life was without fault. Embrace the fact you are a normal human, the good of it and the bad of it and keep going out to do your best for yourself and your people.

Maybe you need to change things up a lil? Try something new.

Sounds like some internal doubts and self esteem issues manifested externally with the ultimate goal of convincing yourself those around you are disappointed in you for no reason, hence the desire to take inventory of your accomplishments. Your logical conscious self is having a little squabble with intrusive unwanted subconscious feelings and doubts.

I agree. It would be more concerning to not ever have these feelings. A healthy dose of self-disappointment goes along with having strong expectations of yourself in various aspects of your life. You care what you are doing to others and yourself, and upon realizing that you came up short in some ways (as we all do from time to time) and having that bother you means that your drive to better others and yourself still exists.

A healthy dose, though. If you are feeling this way too often, something is skewed. You may be able to straighten out priorities on your own through things like discussing here or with friends how you are doing, or you may need to discuss it with a professional through therapy, but you don't want to let it get out of control.

Is there one small thing you could do tonight/tomorrow/this week to help in some way a relationship that is causing this nagging feeling? is there one small thing you could start this week to help in a more long-term manner?

Your wife is a damsel in distress. Load the dishwasher then unload in her(fill in the desired blank)

Sounds like aids manifesting as self doubt

Ok, let's be real here.

You won't ever be the Rocky Statue, but that doesn't mean you're a failure by a long shot.

Is there really a Rocky statue?

Philadelphia

https://img.atlasobscura.com/e9lOjhQ...kgNC5q/cGc.jpg

I have imposter syndrome, too.

It’s pretty common, bro.

Nah, we're all just something the universe is doing, so no judgement. It's all just happening.

The NFL does not want the Chiefs to go to 4 Super Bowls in 5 years. Because they're better than those around them.

So the otherside of the coin is no picnic either

Every now and then I get a young Budtender that isn't very confident. I casually ask on a scale of 1-10 as a Budtender what would you rate yourself?

Invariably I get answers around 7.

I tell them that's how you Budtend. Like you're pretty good but there's better options. Not terrible but cool.

You need to move through life like the big titted blonde that has rarely heard the word no, that you are.

Not once. Ever.

Dude we are just living our lives and doing the best we can. There’s no shame in trying and failing, the only shame I ascribe to my life is when I don’t try something new.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve underachieved in my professional life but then I remember I’ve never pretended to take a chick to Belize or called the news because someone threw a rock at my Murano and I feel better about myself

Come on man you're building yourself up just to rip yourself down; from the info you presented you're a good person, just accept the fact that people like you

JMHO if there is an underlying issue making you feel this way address it. Get help if it seems like a bridge too far.

In any case you taking retrospect of your life is a sign you can get past it. Everyone has issues that have to be dealt with at some point in their life. Acknowledgement is the first step.

I'm pretty happy with myself. Sure, there are some things that I'd still like to accomplish, and some things that I've had to recognize that I'll never accomplish. But overall, I'm actually really proud of how I've navigated life.

As to what others think, I'm a huge disappointment to my family and I'm not concerned about that. Apparently I should have modeled my life completely after theirs, and the fact that I took a different life path is a huge disappointment to them. I came to terms with that a long time ago, though, and there's nothing that will ever fix it. I'm right, they're wrong, so it's not my monkey.

Are the people around you perfect? Are they without faults?

If you're feeling this from a significant other, remember you can only be conscious of your actions, not the thoughts of others. If you feel you're doing right, the judgement of others is simply their feelings, not a result of your own failure.

As a bit of unsolicited advice, one thing that has been pivotal in my life is to always surround myself with people who are more highly evolved or further advanced than I am. It's like real estate - you always want to buy the most beat-up home in the neighborhood and not the nicest one. I've always been the most dilapidated guy in my friends group, and it helps elevate my game.

That's never been an intentional strategy. I've just always been drawn to people who have their act together.

Dear George Brett Statue,

You could be one of the statues that they have taken down lately and hidden in some warehouse. You will know people are ashamed when they remove you from your pedestal.

Even when they move the ballpark downtown, they will still take you with them.

You have to go through life being the best damn person or statue that you can be.

I think you are kind of cool and would like to take my picture beside you.

What would you be doing if you family had control of your path instead of you?

That’s why I always keep a spare gallon of 50-50 Preston antifreeze on the shelf. I don’t really care for full flavor.

The only people that could honestly answer "no, I've never felt like a disappointment" are this new younger generation, the participation trophy generation. Nothing they've ever done has ever been wrong, in fact it is amazing and to be celebrated. They are the ones that can't have a discussion without screaming and yelling. They are the ones leading cancel culture. They are big on punishing not just the son for the sin of the father, but the white for the sin of 200 years ago. Your ancestor fought for the Union to end slavery? Doesn't matter. He profited from it more. They are the ones leading us into this bold new future that I for one don't think is gonna be great at all, nor is it futuristic.

But if George Orwell couldn't warn the masses what the hell chance does old Vladdy Kyrilytch have?

I dissapoint myself more than anyone else.

Every single day. I might seem successful on the outside to others, but my job, while paying extremely well, is a soulless existence as a cog in a massive corporation that profits from the suffering and destruction of fellow humans. I can't just drink the koolaid like everyone else and hide behind "patriotism", "freedom", "our troops". I was pointed out at a very early age as an intellectually gifted individual and I've come nowhere close to realizing my potential, and at my age it's too late to make a major change, as my family depends on me. I've failed myself. I've failed my family because I want them to be proud of what I do, but I'm not even proud of what I do.

Usually, but sometimes I drink and then I feel drunk :thumb:

I honestly think Simply Red posted an article along these lines back in the day.

The gist of it, and the best sentiment I’ve ever read and carry with me everyday, is that no one is thinking about you.

No one is thinking about you.

That’s not an insult. It’s reality.

Free yourself from thinking that people are thinking about you because they’re not.

Even though you work for Comcast, we still think you’re a good dude.

Well you’ve pretty much ruined any future snarky comments I may have made towards you. Thanks a lot.

At the risk of getting in trouble for cross-promoting threads within the same website, don't miss the drinking contests going on in the Romper Room, Mr. Potato.

Know how I know you never actually talk to young people? There are a lot of ways to describe Gen Z or younger this is not remotely one of them.

Yeah, it usually involves some wack "pronoun" like "they" and "she/they" and "their/them" and yes, there are plant and cat based pronouns, and yes, they'll cancel ya if you don't learn em. Next time you talk to those fine folks, teach them how words work, and then I can talk to them using words. Until then, they'll be mad at my words.

You are full of shit. You are not speaking about real experiences. Nobody who is actually around the younger generation thinks they walk around thinking they are without fault. A group of kids riddled with anxiety who grew up on the internet understanding the full scale of the world as to wonder if they even have a place in it.

What triggers the feeling? Is it something implied or said? Does "good enough" equate to money? morality? purposeful job? kids?

I know i feel like a complete piece of shit when i slack off at work. It turns into me not wanting to face my problems then i slack off even more and the cycle goes further down the drain.

Zach, we're about to both get kicked out in the lounge if we keep this up. Let me just tell you I think you're naive, outright stupid, and fully brainwashed. I don't respect you at all and I judge you on the trash ideas you spit out, like a dirty asshole spits out diarrhea after a meal of improperly cooked food.

We can bring it to DC, mate.

Nothing political about you making up a bunch of fake shit pretending you know anything about the younger generation. No reason to move this thread.

The rest of your post is just you being a drama queen.

Why would you get punished for cross promoting a thread but not a forum?
What’s the ****ing difference?

Hey Loochy, that's some heavy karma to feel like you're contributing directly to the suffering of others. Here's a perspective from another old guy that has experienced the emptiness of the corporate machinery, take it or leave it.

You didn't ultimately choose this path, it chose you. Think back to when you made the decisions that led you here. Examine all the causes and conditions that influenced those decisions. For whatever reason we'll never know, this is the part the universe chose you to play in the dance at this stage of your existence. Maybe that soulless place you work needs a cog that sees beyond the profits, in whatever way that manifest at work. Just the fact you posted this in such an honest way gave me a boost.

You can only do the good that's in front of you, and if it's not at work, then the time and energy you're giving your family and community can provide plenty of meaning and create loads of good karma. The way you expressed this wisdom, I bet those kids think the world of you! Sending some good mental vibes your way Looch!

They believe that I should live in their town, doing an old-economy job that they understand and relate to. I would also be unmarried so I could spend all my time serving them, and I would have their exact hobbies and no other.

This is not speculation.

Wild to think that people labor under the idea they can craft the destiny of their child so rigidly.

The day I stopped worrying about what others thought about me made me incredibly content.

No matter what I did in life, zero ****s given since we are all very flawed human beings.

My goal has always been to never maliciously hurt anyone, especially my family and friends.

I bet they were pissed you drove a German car, especially an apricot one.

I think we all have dreams of being that 1 in a million great person. Most of us aren't going to get there for reasons outside our control, or because the risk of trying is not a good, rational decision. For someone who's bright, there's a pretty straightforward and low-risk path to success. That success may not be the 1 in a million type, but it's actually the smart decision to choose a high likelihood of being in the 90th percentile versus rolling the dice at great risk to be in the 99.9th percentile.

Back in 1999, I had a career crossroads. I was interested in being a professional writer and the world's greatest novelist. Simultaneously, I started a market research company to keep the bills paid. I actually was having early signs of success in writing, but the odds of getting rich at it were low, and the odds were pretty good that I would enjoy that work while living under an overpass. In the meantime, the research company took off and I enjoyed the work. So I put the writing aside - the theoretical ceiling was really high, but the odds of reaching it were low. The research company had a high floor and I eventually learned that it had a pretty good ceiling as well.

It's a bummer that I'm not a world-famous novelist, but it's been a good 25 years running the company, and it was the right decision. Now that I'm moving toward retirement I'm picking up the writing again and we'll see if I can knock Mark Twain and Leo Tolstoy off that pedestal.

No but you're younger than I am eventually you'll learn to cut people out if the vibe ain't right

That was a reference to reddit, which we were talking about in other, previous threads.

You gotta stay pretty in-tuned to Chiefs Planet to get all the Chiefs Planet references, my good Rastifarian friend.

It took me a long time to figure them out. I don't think they're evil or overly controlling. I think the issue is that they merely have a very narrow view of the world, and have a masssive aversion to trying anything new. In their world, it's a bad idea to ever try anything that's unfamiliar to them, and my whole life is unfamilar to them.

Of course, it doesn't help that I grew up with eight cousins and I'm the only one who lives outside Missouri. So that makes my life path even more of an outlier, which in their minds solidifies their skepticism about me. I've flat-out been told that they're disappointed in how I turned out.

But it's really kind of ridiculous. My most telling story is that I got my undergraduate degree in aerospace engineering, and as I was interviewing for jobs, my mother argued that I should stay in town and get a minimum-wage job at the local lumberyard.

In light of the lumberyard story and some other really bad events, I eventually figured out that my parents consistently acted against my best interests for their own reasons, so I had to learn to ignore them. This isn't well received by them and causes friction.

Thanks for the therapy session.

Impressive you were able to break out of that small bubble...what do you attribute that to? Was there some outside influence?

ROFL

Somebody lives in their own made up bubble. Often referred to as Fruitlooptopia.

Honestly, I view it as my greatest life accomplishment. I had to fight my way out of that situation, and it's painful to come to the conclusion that your own parents are trying to undermine you.

I don't know if there was something in particular that helped me. I had a habit of developing friendships with very capable and motivated people, and they were to a great extent my mentors. But I think another big factor was the fact that my parents weren't thriving and I didn't want their life. It didn't take a genius to see that there were better paths, and the fact that they didn't want me to pursue those paths was telling.

Yeah. You want an honest answer: I’ve had plenty of success in all facets of life but the second I falter in any category I feel like some level of a failure. I feel like I’ve gotten to where I am because I outwork people, am a perfectionist, and hold myself to the highest of standards. So when I have a year in my career where I feel as if I’ve underperformed my peer group or feel like my personal relationships are suffering, I inevitably feel like a bit of a disappointment.

And it happens and it’s fine but that’s the beauty of life and having grit. You’ll never appreciate the good times as much if you haven’t had those moments of insecurity and feeling like you’ve let others down.

So, yeah, use the fuel of occasionally feeling like a disappointment to motivate better things. As long as you can do that, you’re in good shape.

If your family is proud of who you are, the father/husband, that’s what matters and where true meaning comes from. Happiness comes and goes. It’s fleeting, changing with the wind. Meaning is forever and is what everyone truly needs. You may not be happy day to day in work or proud or what you do there, but that does not a factor in who you are to the most important people around you.

And be careful with concepts like potential. It’s ambiguous and undefinable and “reaching it” is often impossible as it creates expectations one would never think to choose for themself.

It's a good point. Life has ebbs and flows, so it's really unlikely that life will always feel like a success. At best, it's a sawtooth pattern with a general upward direction.

Thanks man a weird undescribed youtube link from a poster no one has ever heard from is what this thread was missing. Thanks again.

People try to bring you down with their bs. The key is not to give a ****. :thumb:

That's actually a really good message...and I don't really dig that kind of music...but that was pretty good. Thanks for posting.

All the time, my 8 year old son keeps me going though.

Seriously, you've initiated more brawls than Michael Buffer.

The guy who says championships don't matter is mocking young people for being the so-called "participation trophy generation"

Oh the irony.

No one appreciates me for all I do for them. I take one day off and everyone loses their minds/cp server

Their ancestors gave them participation trophies too.

Kind of been there.
I was 16 years old when I finally found the balls to tell my old man that I was going to start living my own life the way I wanted to. Hair, clothes, classes. Etc.
I figured he’d knock the shit out of me, but he came home from work and said that he respected my opinion.
Then, the following week the family moved and I stayed there.
sec

Keep your head up OP!!!

Do a Google search on positive thinking. Study it and try to apply it to your situations in life and you will be alright. Life is mostly about how we perceive it. Same way you go looking for trouble, eventually you will find it. Same way, if you look at life in a certain way, of course you will look at yourself as a disappointment no matter who you are.

Best of luck man. Make the most of today and stay positive.

https://youtu.be/kA29JVYP9rg

Could be worse. You could be this guy.


….

Seriously, do the things in life that make you happy. Small things and big things.

Considering the junk DNA and family life I came from, I couldn't be prouder of where I am. Of course, because of those things there is a lot of self doubt that I'm constantly fighting, but I try to maintain a confident demeanor. I deal with a lot of very successful people on a daily basis and it can be very intimidating, but I try to look at it as I wouldn't be in position to deal with those people if I wasn't somewhat passable as a man. :)

I've always looked at is as if you're doing better for your family and society than your parents did, you're at least making progress. My sons will be even better than me without a shadow of a doubt, so I'm happy with my overall standing in life. As the old saying goes, all you can do is all you can do. If you're doing that, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

You are a CP member.


That alone makes you the top 1% of males to ever walk the Earth.

In all seriousness, happiness is not a long term thing. It’s temporary.

Find those things that give you that dose of happy. My things are: my kids, the kids I coach, and my creations at work.

Very little of it has to do with directly making myself happy. Bring joy to those around you, make them feel special. That’s the key for me.

I'm happy with myself and my role to my family and friends. If anyone else thinks I've fallen short of their expectations, then it doesn't concern me. I answer to God, my family, and myself first. Having said that, we aren't perfect. We can and should strive for perfection but only knowing that most of the time that is an unrealistic goal and my advice is you shouldn't beat yourself up.

No matter how much you do, people will always ask more from you. The more you do, the more people will take you for granted and simply expect you to do those things and then assume you can and will do more on top of that. Because you've already shown that you can. If people thought less of you, they wouldn't ask you for shit. So yeah, if you don't want people to have expectations or demands or think you can do this or that, or rely on you for this or that....you could just be a lowlife loser. Then you won't have to worry about it.

That's never, ever going away. That's just part of being a man.

In other words: Being a man is a thankless job. The better you are at it, the more people simply expect it, because that's what kind of person you are. You become the hero, or you're expected to be.

And that can often make you feel like you aren't living up to increasing demands.

Sadly no statue for the real boxer Joe Frazier.

Your family must have really disliked your new haircut.

Have you seen any of the shorts about when a man says "I'm fine"?


I recently had a milestone birthday and have done a lot of self-reflection on these items, and I've come up with a few things that I'm changing and a few things I'm not happy with even though I have a ton of reasons to feel good about where I am now vs where I started.

Part of being an achiever with goals is to be self-critical. The same things that make you successful are also going to chew on you at night. No one will ever be harder on me, than I am. I'll never not question myself in some ways for my career and if I should make a change for my personal happiness, or if I'm the best husband I can be, or if I'm doing enough for my kids.

What I did decide during this past birthday is that my years are growing shorter to do something, and I'm going to put more focus on people and things that are important to me and spend a lot less on things that just cause me grief.

My dreams tell me a lot about how things are going. This week I'm dreaming I'm in a dark, damp basement, down in a cistern made of stones. I'm digging hand holes to climb out, and there is little crab-monster thing the size of a ping pong ball trying to jump on me. Every time I smash it, it cracks open the shell and grows larger. I have no idea what this is telling me about what's going on, but at least I'm not wading through the large fountain pool of dark water full of crocodiles, using a broken broom handle to fight my way to get to this little kid they're trying to eat.

I think you need to eat the crab.
And that's not me being funny.