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Work social functions
So my job is already planning their holiday party and the boss has came out and said any activity that involves drinking will require all employees to Uber. Which got me thinking of the one time an old job took a party bus to a Chiefs game and one of my co workers got so ****ing hammered she ended up being REAL flirty with all of the male employees and ended up puking her brains out and passing out on the ride back from the game.
People forget while these things are intended to be fun you're still at work by extension. What's your funny story about a social work function? |
My first day at Cabelas was an office retreat. I had met precisely my supervisor and that's it. We golfed (which I'm terrible at because I was a poor college student) and then had beers. I had NO CLUE whether that was cool or not. I think I went last and drank one.
I did not need to move 500 miles away to get fired on the first day. |
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The Christmas parties are open bars and tons of drugs. I'm CA sober so last time I pulled up in video game bus.
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The lower paying the job, the more fun the work parties are.
Your career progresses and people get uptight. |
I think we just put down the drugs cuz we're old.
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It is amazing the amount of people who can't keep their shit together at work functions just because a few drinks are around.
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This is a thread made for Hootie!
Bring him back just for this?! |
I did my best to never go to these things.
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I've only attended work parties while I was in college and I was a party guy.
I got so black out drunk at one of them, I had a leather jacket and I put it on a bar stool. This guy that I worked with had a leather biker jacket with embroidering on the back of it. I was so ****ed up that I grabbed his jacket thinking it was mine and started yelling at him "WHAT THE **** DID YOU EMBROIDER ON MY COAT MOTHER****ER?" They never let that one die, they made fun of me for a while after that and I deserved that. But ya, after college I no longer drank at any work functions and now it's been like 6 or 7 years since I've drank at all. |
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Don't drink at company parties. It is a must.
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I avoid work functions at all cost. I like my work to stay at work. When I'm off the clock, I don't want to spend time with people I work with every day.
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It's not a particularly funny story, but before I started my company I worked at a small consulting firm. They had a Christmas party at the house of one of the senior people. I had a new intern assigned to me, and I hadn't had any time to get to know her. I ended up sitting next to her and her husband-to-be at dinner.
We were making small talk, and I found out that the guy was a college student. I asked what degree he was pursuing, and he said "philosophy". I nodded politely, and the guy suddenly went off on me. In a loud mocking voice, he said, "I saw that look you gave me! Ooooh, philosophy major! He'll never get a job! Useless degree! Well, yes! Yes! I'm a philosophy major and I don't care what you think!" On and on and on. I had done nothing but politely nod. I had no opinion at all about the guy until that moment. But I acquired an instant dislike for him. He was just a jerk. So now I had this intern, and my opinion of her was not very high because it would take a really stupid woman to be with this guy. Later, she commented on how clever he was because he liked to make racist comments to news articles "just to make people mad". She seemed to think that that was a sign of an advanced sense of humor. So my opinion went down another notch. It turned out that this woman was completely incompetent at her job, too, and unethical to boot. She also had an incredibly annoying personality. I was responsible for her at the time but didn't have the authority to fire her, so I was stuck with her until I eventually quit. Twenty years later, she's still floating around in my industry in different jobs and still an idiot. A few years back, a client came to me to take over a project that was in progress, and they told me that "they were tired of the consultant making screwups". That's an unusually frank thing to hear from a client, and when they sent me the files to clean up the mess, guess whose signature was on the work? I don't hate the woman because she doesn't warrant that level of passion. She's just the human equivalent of walking through a spider web. When you encounter her you make a disgusted face and swat her away. |
Big Bill pitch the idea to have your party at the b George Brett Statue and kick or lick some ASS. Your call.
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That woman now posts on www.chiefsplanet.com under the name (redacted). |
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When i was in high school an old job rented a party bus and drove us up to the Edge of Hell/The Beast and supplied the beer. I think it was like the 2nd or 3rd time i ever drank... one of the smoking hot KU chick waitresses ended up holding my hand through the entire thing. I tried to hit on her afterwards and was promptly shot down lmao
Then my buddy puked out the bus window |
Once upon a time I was assigned to an Army unit at a major training base that conducted monthly training operation as the ‘bad guys’. At the end of each cycle there was a leaders call at the Officers/NCO club that included recap of the cycle, awards and promotions, recognition of new unit members, etc. The highlight was the award for dubious distinction on the ‘battlefield’ nomination from the floor, and nomination speeches were required to include at least one true fact. Usually, it was the staff of one unit nominating another with over the top nomination speeches….all in good fun.
Once, a young officer, after a couple drinks, nominated this commander for falling off his tank at at the start of the battle and riding in a truck until he caught back up. The entire banquet hall went quiet as everyone sat in silence watching the young man’s career implode with each word. |
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In the early 2000s I worked at one of the hot ad agencies in L.A. We always had our holiday party at whatever the hottest night club in LA was at the time, but rented the whole place out mid-week like on a Thursday.
Open bar, food, and pretty much everyone knew who was holding. Lots of activity in and out of the bathrooms. Late into the evening the hi-jinx would start to form. Usually starts with some of the young single people hooking up. Then a married person hooking up with someone -- usually a younger person or their co-worker. Then things like a married man making out with a gay man in a dark corner, or two women hooking up. People sharing bathroom stalls. The CEO one time was dancing with a hot blonde, and wrapped his arms around her body and picked her up by her butt cheeks and just rocked back and forth for about a minute. Afterparties. And steamy car windows in the parking lot. The works. The next day the office would bring in 300 Egg mc Muffins for whoever had to show up in the morning. |
Worked at a car dealership and we had a nice Christmas party every year. One year at a company holiday party a fellow salesman decided to get hammered at the party. I walk up to him to say hello and he starts talking about my mom (who worked at the dealership also) and how she was so hot. He kept going on and on about her right in front of his wife. He was obviously shitfaced. He was such a mellow guy at work I was kind of surprised.
Anyways in a drunken state he starts calling out other sales people and how he wants to go "outside" while he can barely stand. He could barely punch his way out of a paper bag. 1. He gets a DUI on the way home with his sober wife as a passenger. 2. Next year at the Christmas party we have a new ticket system for drinks. Only two tickets per guest. Thanks Tauge. 3. He lost his job months later because it's not cool to have a DUI and drive dealer vehicles in California. |
Many years ago I went to a company holiday party. One of the senior leader's wife either broke her high heel or it got caught on the top of the concrete stairs leading into the banquet hall. She tumbled backwards down about 8 stairs, split her head open and broke her ankle.
Once the ambulance came to take her away, the party got cancelled as the other top leadership didn't feel it was in good taste to continue. People were ****ing pissed. |
Random office wanker gets drunk at a royals game and decides to tell the CFO he is bored, doesn't have any work to do, and has a lot of good ideas to get the dept back on track. Before his coworkers could stop him from getting himself fired, the CFO takes the high road and smartly asks the guy to come to his office at 7:30 the next morning for a meeting. Well drunk guy oversleeps and never had his meeting with the CFO. We never had booze at a function again while that CFO was there.
I was around drunk guy at a couple of parties and tailgates and he would start to black out after only a couple of beers. He wasn't a wet brain alcoholic type, didn't drink all that much, he literally just couldn't process liquor like most people and never realized he should t touch the stuff. |
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I truly miss big work functions. I always had a blast. Last one I went to was the year we sold our business in 2017. We had a blowout golf event. Nothing better for team building and relationships, imo, like theses outings.
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I don’t give a damn about spending time with my coworkers outside of work hours, but I find it fun and refreshing to see them in a different setting once a year. |
Just the boss getting grab ass handsy with a female coworker after a few beers. Typical stuff. But it was bad enough she had to ask me to walk her out to her car because he was going too far. Nobody got fired.
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Fortunately I don't get invited to many as I'm remote but I've been to a few wild ones at my wife's former employer.
The very first one was about a month after they relocated us to Chicago. We didn't know anyone so thought it would be a good opportunity to meet some new people. They had an employee only dinner then met at a speakeasy where spouses were invited. I'm not sure who came up with it but the plan was to roast my wife's boss who was an exec and had hit a recent career milestone or something. I showed up and was shocked at how wrecked everyone was coming from dinner. Their model is to hire right out of college and mold them into their culture. So lot of overserved young people were there. The roast started with some teed up softball jokes then things started flowing into some pretty decent ball busting (foreshadowing pun intended). Things avalanched from there into complete awkwardness after that. Jokes about office affairs, his special needs brother who worked for the company (and was in attendence), his estranged wife, and battle with testicular cancer. It was a total bloodbath and you could see that he was getting heated. We were like WTF. I went to a few more and turns out that's just who they are as a company culture. They all ended in a varying degree of shitshow. |
We took some clients to a Cards game and proceeded to get shit hammered.
After subsequent bar hopping we walked them back to their hotel. I’m like 30 at the time, and a 40-ish adjuster clearly was down to clown. Got diverted from joining her in the hotel by a partner. Probs for the best. |
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Words of advice for young people.
If you go to happy hour and and decide to talk about the company and clients. DONT WEAR COMPANY APPAREL OR NAME TAGS. We had a school do that. Parents were there and complained. It was ugly. HR got involved. I have had to remind people of that at happy hours. |
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Before I retired from my job, we’d have a yearly party with workers, managers and the board of directors. Boring. We never mixed with them and they didn’t even know our names. It got so bad that the workers quit going until they were paid to show up just to make management look good.
My wife worked for a small accounting firm, and every Christmas we had their company party at our house and they all would bring bottles of booze for the bar downstairs and leave it sometimes unopened. Now that’s what I call a party! sec |
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I either work with a bunch of functioning alcoholics who can hold their liquor or I just leave too early to see the real fun..
https://d2v7i6t2.map2.ssl.hwcdn.net/...s/5145_ret.jpg |
Personally I find people who can’t control their alcohol repulsive. It’s pathetic.
I couldn’t imagine showing my ass in a semi-professional setting because I had a couple drinks. |
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Getting laid chances skyrocket at those functions.
I worked in a bank while at college. 80% young women. Do the math. |
Not a company I ever worked for, but Amarr Garage Door out of Lawrence had a massive reputation for their holiday parties being absolute shit show. At a minimum, there was at least one fight and one employee getting fired each year. They held their annual holiday party at Abe & Jakes. I was friends with the Abe's GM so I occasionally bartended it, and man those people drank an impressive amount of booze. Total disaster every year.
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One year I just happened to finally bone the receptionist the night before the Christmas party.
During the Christmas Party the next night I walked up to her table and asked the woman sitting next to her to dance. I don't think the receptionist liked that. I ended up dating that other woman I danced with for 5 years. |
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Those of us 60+ had great parties with no regrets.
It's such a different culture these days. Everyone is afraid to say how they really feel. Most of us WFH now so there's less pressure. Putting us together for a function is harder than going to work. |
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In Japan, it is understood by employers that intoxicated employees are going to happen at those type of social functions, and they give a lot of leeway in terms of their behavior in those situations. Basically, an employee can say just about anything about their employers/peers/etc. while drunk at a work social function and it's forgiven.
But in the US these days, it's become kind of fashionable to exploit any faux pas by anyone, regardless of where they are or what the situation might be. Doesn't even have to be a work-related function anymore. Get drunk and post something on FB negative about your boss/something remotely politically incorrect; "YOU'RE FIRED!!!" This new world is so soft and over-sensitive it's fatiguing just to read about it. |
How about we stop using alcohol as a crutch to say whatever we want?
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Unless you mean like amazingly good job. |
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I want to do my own research on this, but I found it interesting. |
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Of course, I never look at bank tellers any more anyway since e-banking became a thing. |
The negative claims about boomers bother me a bit. I read a comment on some financial article where a young person was saying mean things about boomers, and she said, "They never had competition for jobs or houses or anything."
What does she think the term "baby boom" means? We faced more competition than any generation before or since. That said, I think there's a night and day difference between early boomers and late boomers in that regard. Early boomers had competition from their peers, but as a late boomer, I had 18 years of boomers ahead of me who had more experience and thus an advantage for promotions and jobs and everything else. Coming in at the tail end of the boom was a big demographic disadvantage. |
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I've met exactly one psychology major that wasn't a dumbass but he also holds an MBA and is inherently street smart. However, there's a certain red head that I still remember from a humanities requirement in my undergrad at university that I'll never forget. And yes, the curtains matched the carpet. |
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This 45 years ago when I was 16. I worked at a restaurant and we had a Christmas party. Everyone was drinking no matter the age. I was drinking Jack Daniels. I remember waking up in my pickup when someone shook my shoulder. I looked up and it was a Missouri Highway patrolman. The DWI laws were much more lax in those days, so he just reached in and turned the truck off and told me not to drive until morning. My friends told me later that they carried me out to the truck.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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I just understand why we got to the point we are now and it’s due to having too many issues with previous generations (or just the past in general). An accountant gets wasted and grabs an intern’s titty at the company Christmas party. Next year they institute a two drink limit. You say “these new generations are a bunch of snowflakes!” |
Oh they just announced some lame ass restaurant. Next question is it rude to skip these outings?
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The best company or corporate events always begin with the CEO getting roofied and only get better from there.
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If the woman is cool then having a coworker who likes pound town on the DL can be fun. But as you pointed out it can also cause major issues. |
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