I've been gone!
 

Hi! I've been gon a long time! I've switched several jobs, got married (a mistake at this point) and lost 56 lbs. Unfortunately, I lost weight mostly through illness. Now I have completely quit booze and it's coming off steadily. Down to 224 from 286. 46 inch waist to 38. I am on top of my illness and things are looking good. Except the marriage.

Oh, and 2 weeks ago, I found out I have a 37 year old son that I had no idea existed. I have met him and his family. Wife and 2 kids. I now have 2 more grand kids! And that's all cool.

AMA!

You weren't gone to me.

Question...... What's your favorite position?

Gonna need more clarification to answer! LOL

37 Year old Son you didn't know existed??
This is all I got...

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Glad you're back and hope you stick around.

Lol I've always been kinda expecting a knock at the door with a young fellow standing there with a long beard saying, "are you my dad?"

Burt you're doing a fantastic job as our GM and if you can find a LT that would be really nice. All the best Verch!

You were always on my mind. Sorry to hear about your AIDS. We told you to stay out of the dumpster. Was it surprising the first time you saw it in years?

Did you conceive him in the back seat of the Yukon?

Welcome back-you've been a busy beaver.

did you impregnate a bar maid?

Pretty much looked the same! But longer. Weight loss does that.

Poor SOB, looks just like me!

Actually, kinda.

I’m calling Jenny Craig right now!

She already knows!

Hi Burt.


The son thing....really weird....how do you handle such a thing? That has to be awkward. Hopefully he doesn't have any resentment toward you.

Have you played catch with your son yet?

Glad you’re back.

Wait, who are you? lol!!

I only have to accept what's true. Niether one of us was aware. Damn Ancestry.com! LOL. Since, for a change, I am blameless, no resentment towards me. His Mom, obviously HAS to maintain ignorence.

Crazy SOB. Take care of yourself and quit getting married.

Yeah, obviously I suck at that.

Is this all true? Are you lying to us?

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I'll tell you what's worse than getting married. Falling in love with a married woman and being her lover and her husband finds out and about kills you.

.

That doesn't sound as bad as being in a crappy marriage unless there is some permanent damage not mentioned.

Did you never go into that part of the house when he was growing up?

Yeah, doesn't sound optimum....

Not exactly the scenario......

Yeah kinda there is. I got PTSD from it. I mean when I about got killed, I was shot at speeding away in my Chevy Taho and glass back window shaddered and I have bullet holes in my Taho. One inches from the top of my head by the visor. This was about three years ago. He was chasing after me in an Escalade. It was fast as **** and I zig zagged through town but he caught up to me. I drove to the Sherrif office with a shot out tire too. Crazy mother ****ing shit.

Oh, okay.

My father found out that he had a son when I was about 18. I said, "Dad, I've been living here the whole time."

welcome back, good to hear you are on top of your health, sorry about your marriage, congrats on your son

Hi, burt! Glad to see you back and healthy from your illness. Sorry about the marriage, but you can always take care of that problem :)

Welcome back, friend!

Has it ever been farted in tho?

That's exactly how we discovered my deceased Dad had a son that would be 62 now but died from COVID and sleep apnea. He was my step brother and I am the one that took the DNA test to confirm.

He had been searching for his family for years. I was so glad I helped him confirm who he was and that my Dad was his father. They looked so much alike it was scary.

My sister and my Dad's brother, my uncle, connected and all met for the 18 months from when he found out until he passed away.

I never got the chance to meet him but he had an enormous amount of friends and family that loved him. Ironically, he had 2 additional kids that no one but he knew about. Total of 6 known to everyone but 8 known to me.

His Mom was a loose woman back in the day. She hid many secrets from him. Not sure she knew my Dad was the father. She had 3 baby daddies for 3 kids. Not very common back in the late fifties and early sixties.

Ha. Next thing we know, we will get a "hello from prison" post from burt.

Of course it's been farted in.

It's next on the list. ROFL

Glad to have you back and can't wait to hear about the other children you don't know about. :D

Wait, what?

You mean half brother, correct?

OK no ones going to ask. Lay out the son scenario Burty boy. Party hook up? Ex girl friend? Drunk neighbor? Left a load on a truck stop toilet and the cleaning lady put it to good use?

Or does he even remember it?

You’ve been added to his spank bank. “Ooohhhhh Burt, I’m coming!”

I have a few questions

1. How long you been gone and why did you leave?
2. How long had you been split up with wife #1 before getting hitched to #2?
3. How long have you and this new wife been dating and how long have you been married?
4. What's going on with the new wife? What the rift and have you guys talked divorce? Does she even know you're unhappy?

5. Have to talked to your secret sons mom since finding him?

My bad, half-brother. You are correct......:thumb:

That's a bit intimadating....

Sounds like you almost got what you deserved

1) Goodness, I don't know how long. But it's only because I've been so damn busy!
2) 15 years?
3) 10 years because the first divorce was so nasty. Married 2 years.
4) Not explaining. Briefly. Oh yeah she knows and will know more tonight.

Yes. Via PM's. And she swears she didn't know. But regardless, she HAS to stick to that story now. Or completely spin out her son.

Yeah I'm sure I deserved my brains splattered all over the windshield.

If you’d have been paying attention,you’d have know you should just have taken head from Alice at Mel’s diner.

"Not even the prison wife is working out. Too much teeth."

Since it show and tell….how did you find out about the kid?


Last year a local guy knocked on my friends door. He’s known him his entire life….guy calls him dad……another friend is his dad…..mom must have accidentally tripped on my friends baby wand. The kids wife had him do one of those DNA test and it linked him to my friend and another kid TBD.

What happened on your health burt?

My Tahoe never smells like farts.

Combination of celiac disease and lymphocytic cytosis. If I got exposed to gluten, it started a war between the two and I became a zombie. Nauseous and extremely lethargic. Hard to make a living like that. Plus the urgency to sit down in the bathroom 6 to 8 times a day. The weight loss is nice, I wouldn't suggest it as a weight loss program.

liar.

Do not recommend...

It smells musty now because it's been sitting in the yard for a couple years. I need to get rid of it.

holy shit

Probably smelled like shit when dude started shooting at you.

Were you in a brawl?

Fortunately I did not shit my pants.

I'll tell you one thing as I approach 40, if my wife every leaves me or dies, I will never get married again. Past a certain age it's just rather meaningless. Be with someone when you're older but skip the legal stuff in case it goes poorly.

Glad to hear he has no resentment. It has to be really cool and very life changing for both of you.

You must have left a lasting impression, if he’s a spitting image of you

Or

She hated your guts

Welcome back, Burt :thumb:

I don't understand this part. Did the Mom pretend someone else was the father his entire life?

Def said he had two moms because Burt is so manly she couldn't risk being around all that high T. It would be like two Dan Campbells in the same room.

Everyone would understand if you took off a year.

Pretend or assume, yes.