I'm on a mission to shit
 

Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.

Sounds crappy

Prayers sent.

may the shartz be with you

Gonna have to try a plunger

You should check to be sure that they didn't accidentally sew your rectum shut.

Everyone knows you're full of shit.

First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

http://img1.targetimg1.com/wcsstore/...5/11454275.jpg

Ask your boyfriend for help. Seriously surprised this would be an issue for you.

Taco Bell

It has me shitting in no time.

PREPARE FOR BATTLE

Horrible feeling been there. Believe it or not an ER Dr recommended blueberry muffin from local chain. They were huge but did the job and tasted great. Do you drink coffee? Coffee and muffin is a sound play without bad side affects. For some reason Dr's are always less worried about this than patients.

I wonder if your system will back up, and you'll shit out your mouth?

He's gonna need a c section. It's gotta be breach by now

That's not going to get him into a Boardwalk Empire situation, is it?

You know, the scene where the kid spikes the other kids drink with this stuff, then the kid shits blood and dies?

You should have a big order of nachos with the works, jalapenos,sour cream etc., you will be shitting your ass out.

There is an enema in someones future.

taco bell

How many days can you go without shitting before you die? This thread got me curious.

You should be effaced. You should start dilating soon. Push hard, but not too hard, and breath alot. You will be fine.

I don't know but I passed on Waldo Pizza the other night because I was afraid of getting too backed up. :cuss:

I routinely go 2-3 days without making a deposit.
I'm sure I'm broken. lol

Good God no.

It's a saline laxative. All it does is draw water into the bowel. If you drank more than the recommended dosage it can cause other issues but perforation of the intestine certainly isn't one of them.

clogged drain?...........

LMAO

We now have a shit thread next to the Ham thread, ugh.

Two words: obstructed bowel

That's serious shit

enema time. my newphew years back was stopped up for like 4-5 days for whatever reason, and he had to get 'cleaned out'.

Highly unlikely.

If he had an obstruction, he'd likely be vomiting.

Saline laxative works just as well as is far less "intrusive".

All I ask is that you do a weigh in before and after so we can truly grasp the scale of the thing.

PS - have you seen Raggot?

Get a shop vac. Take the suction cup of the plunger handle. Don't throw the handle away. Could come in handy to beat that bastard if it gots hair, teeth, is breathing, and/or winks at you when it comes out. Duct tape suction cup to vac hose. Crank it up and wait awhile

This and that. Because you wont make the toilet.

:hmmm: didn’t know that.
I hope he didn’t make the entire thing up just to have an excuse for the enema.

http://d1w7nqlfxfj094.cloudfront.net...FSoup.com_.gif

Required.

There's a butt plug joke in there somewhere.

Dinny

beads.

I just want you to know up front that when I splice the genes together to make the Chiefs QB for 2020 your familes digestive system will not be included.

Quit soliciting those trannys on Craigslist man they got your shit all ****ed up

So, did GoChiefs give birth yet?
Did it look like Mount Rushmore?

And more importantly, surgery for what?
Are you a woman now?

LMAO

Simply is watching this thread with glee

He needs a Mega Colon Blow power shake...
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/oXouSM2JOZk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I was thinking the same thing. ROFL

Enough cheap whiskey should knock that hamster out

Armageddon!!!! Armageddon!!!!

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/3_Jt_g10Jug" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Farting is prelude to shit. It will happen my son.

G.I. Joe with the Kung Fu grip outta do it.

LMAO:thumb:

Taco johns food binds me up

maybe you shouldn't invite him over.

Just drink a ton of beer and don't eat anything. You'll be shitting water in no time

Sam's would have a harder time taking a dump. Clays ass has seen more traffic than I35 in Dallas.

I can eat at Taco Bell, and I feel like someone in a movie who needs to dismantle a bomb with the clock ticking down.

He does that all the time.:p

"Do you happen to have a plunger? I've been eating a lot of cheese lately."

if a muscular dude rings your doorbell asking if you want him to clean your pipes....say no. Lessoned learned on my part

ROFL

Too late.

After heart surgery it took me a week and some laxatives. It'll come and when it does it'll be glorious.

In the mean time, install a seat belt and handles on your shitter.

Yep.

PREPARE TO LOSE.

Claythanoscopy

He'll probe the hell out of 3 inches of rectum.

Just think of how good its going to feel when it comes out -

I have attached a gif that I think is appropriate.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/374...rsh-shit-o.gif

Thank you, gentleman, you may now return to your business.

LMAO

That dirty butt pirate!

Just go buy a bag of those sugar free gummy bears. Problem solved.

just don't get a prolapse.

(I looked that one up once on the internetz.....never again)

Update: 3:14 PM CDT

I continue to rip farts. Strangely, the beginning of each fart feels as if it might be the turd of destiny, that lets loose the tidal wave o shit....but I remain disappointed.

A courier has been dispatched to deliver this secret "magnesium" bomb. The Anus will not stand against this chemical warfare.

Rectum? Damn near turned em inside out!

"wave o' shit".

I didn't realize you were Irish

Miralax

once it's out, you should celebrate by eating a block of cheese.

Get in the bathtub man gonna be shit everywhere

And have Roto Rooter on speed dial

I feel a George Brett type story on the horizon.

he's gonna grow a huge tail.

Play your favorite wind beneath my wings cover. Trust me it helps

or "Push It" by Salt n Peppa