Mansionmania Tournament: Round 1, Heat 11
 

Mansionmania continues. I'm going to show you the most expensive homes in every state and a few territories, with a few extras thrown in from the largest states to get the tourney up to 64. It'll be a single-elimination tournament.

You will choose among each pair of houses with the following assumptions:

• The purchase price for you is $0.
• All maintenance, utilities, property taxes, and cleaning is included.
• You must live in the home for the rest of your life.
• You can't travel more than 100 miles from home (via google maps drive time) other than 1 two-week vacation each year.
• You get $250,000 per year as a living allowance
• You get an additional living allowance at the cheaper home, which will be valued at 1% of any cost difference annually. I will note this amount in the poll.
• You get the furnishings. If unfurnished, you get an allowance that will give you mid-grade furniture in every room.
• You get any vehicles in the garage. But only the garage - nothing parked outside.

I encourage you to click on the maps in the listings to see the general location and neighborhood.

Also, I will only enter contestants if they have a sufficient number of photos to judge, as determined by me.

Your entries in this heat are:


District of Columbia:

https://www.realtor.com/realestatean...8_M50379-76631

Missouri:

https://www.realtor.com/realestatean...5_M70579-02384

This whole exercise has reminded me that there are very few places in which I’d ever want to live.

I'm not gonna lie - I kinda hate that DC house.

But holy hell, that might be the coolest location we've had thus far. You're right next to the Naval Observatory and sandwiched in between a dozen genuine embassies.

I far prefer that Missouri house. Better home, better property. It's a really nice place.

But I can't get over how neat that location is for the DC house and my annual stipend should give me enough to take care of some of the interior design choices that are...uh...iffy.

It's just so damn unique. Gotta go with the DC house.

This is an interesting one.

DC house - Man, that's a jewel box of a home. Check out the plasterwork on the ceiling. That is a home that is worthy of my dignified presence. It's in suburban DC if there is such a thing, and it's a great location to see a bunch of cool museums and exhibits. The downside is that the bedrooms seem to be furnished from a secondhand store, so I'd have to upgrade with my stipend, which will cost some money. But that's not a big deal at all. The home is also clearly meant to be more of an entertaining space than a home, and it's a bit formal. But I could deal with that. DC location? Eh, I'm not an East Coast guy, but I could deal with DC in that house.

Missouri - Damn horses again. But I digress. You have to start with the pool, which is pretty impressive. I think it may even have one of those beach entrances where you just wade in, and I've always thought those were cool. I like the indoor basketball court even though I don't know what I'd do with it. It's on 20 acres, which is nice, and the public parts of the house are a nice style. At 20,000+ square feet, I have room to stretch my legs. The downside: suburban St. Louis is not where I want to spend the rest of my life, and that's a big deal. St. Louis has bad mojo for me, and I don't want to make Cracker Barrel my night out. The house is so big that it's got some silly stuff like the bowling alley and two separate weight rooms, so the architect clearly just ran out of ideas. And is that an American ninja setup and mini-ferris wheel in Picture 44?

I fully expect Missouri to win this in a landslide, and that house will compete well, but I'm going with DC. That's too much pomp and circumstance to pass up, and I can while away my days in DC pretty happily.

If I wanted to hold royal balls and pretend I'm president I'd go D.C. But I don't. The Missouri house looks like an infinitely more fun place to live day to day. The D.C. house looks like something you should wear a tuxedo in at all times, along with top hat and monocle.

Right?!?

I mean I presume the purchase of the home comes with a lifetime pass to every snootie insider party and dark smoke-filled room in town.

I would have the theme from the Air Force One soundtrack playing in every room in the house every time I walk in.

I'd change my name to Jack Ryan and just feel 10 feet tall and bulletproof. It's just friggen cool.

I'm learning a few things here.

1. Once a house gets to a certain size, features no longer matter. It's more about aesthetic.

2. When you can get a house that has every conceivable feature, the location really becomes the differentiating factor.

I figure they'd all come to you and ask to hold their insider parties at your place. So you'd have to be invited.

It would be cool to have a house like that just so that you can invite people over for your fantasy football draft and watch their jaws drop.

I'd probably dress like George Washington every day.

After 2-3 years of living there I would have absolutely convinced myself that I could legally have people killed.

I might even be right.

I would definitely learn to play the fife.

Or maybe just hire someone to follow me around with said fife playing jaunty marching tunes for me.

Oh, yeah. I'm sure that dozens or hundreds of authorized hits have been approved from that library.

How does one realistically eat nachos in pajamas while watching football in a house like that DC one?

NO DC for me. DC makes KC look like a kindergarten by comparison in crime. Cides, I like the land...

Both of these places are ****ing weird.

I would go less crazy in Missouri