I think I have severe depression.
 

I know because all I've been wanting to eat lately is carrots.

For some good news, I'm gonna take a class at the local community college here next year. Get this: Introduction to Film. Not bad, not bad. The only thing that could go wrong with this is it being too introductory. Even if it is though, still...

I think I might be...special, in that regard.

Learn how to make animal balloons, I'm sure that will help with your depression.

If that doesn't work, get badgirl to have her friends all call you. Before you know it, you'll feel loved by many.

Otherwise, do what I usually do- drink a bottle of wine, fill your apartment with cardboard cut-outs of your favorite movie stars, and go out on the rooftop and yell, "Joyce? Joyce? Where are you?"

your skin is going to turn orange

I think celery is overrated. Anyone agree?

As opposed to your junk turning orange, which is symptomatic of rubbing one out too soon after munching on Cheetos.

No, but I've always thought the pairing of healthy celery with artery clogging peanut butter or cream cheese was perverse.