You've been tasked to train your replacement from India...
 

... and you are going to sabotage his career. What are you going to teach him?

i.e. You know the company president loves to drive through the raked up leaves, but Sonjay doesn't know that. Teach Sonjay the importance of placing some old railroad tie cutoffs and the blown engine block from a '64 Pontiac under the leaves...

If a person gets fired, it is tradition to throw that person's spouse into a fire.

From my own experience in this exact situation... teach them nothing. The rest pretty much takes care of itself.

Or better yet teach them to do your job exactly the way you did it.

That way you'll leave knowing they will soon be getting fired also.

Tell them to end each phone conversation with the phrase:

"F_ck you very much"

Mujibar was trying to get into Canada legally through Immigration. The Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed most of the required tests, but there is one more compulsory test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter Canada."
Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister
Officer, I am ready." The Officer said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green,
and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar'."

Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you, and works at Microsoft tech support desk.

First off, I would never touch this persons left hand.

Teach him that the boss shares his wife with all new employees.

Ritual bathing in the company fountain is fine.

how about you sack up and handle it like a man instead of a sissy crybaby?

be really really nice to him. but when he's not looking slather everything he ownes in bacon grease, sneak ham into his food, and use his turbin to soak up the grease off your peporoni, ham, and sausage pizza.

The free market is the answer. All your base are belong to us.

You know, I actually had a cold-call by a rep from an Indian programming company-

"Heddo sir. I bedieve ju ah da person to talk to aboot moving some of jor company's job offshore...am I cowect?"
"Well, since I'm a programmer, what do you think?"

As for training my replacement...meh, don't think I'd do it. I'd just cut my losses and move on.

Hey, Francis, don't you have some online poker site to pimp over in the Games forum?

Patting a female superior on the ass is a sign of respect.