Wanna see a picture of an idiot?
 

So...I'm on a plane tonght, and it's on United Airlines, which is a horrible, horrible mistake to start with. In my defense, I only flew on United because they gave me a $100 certificate in exchange for the last time they royally screwed up. Other than one more flight that I've already bought, never again on United Airlines. Never again.

I decide that I'd like to do a little work on the plane. It's practically impossible to do that in Economy since it's basically an Iron Maiden torture device, and if the person in front of you leans back, you can't open your laptop all the way. So I paid an extra $29 each to get United's "Economy Plus", which would be a good deal if United wasn't the most incompetent piece of feces that ever lost a suitcase.

Long story short, when the Sky Waitresses weren't looking, three people got up from Economy Class and came up to Economy Plus and sat down. An obese, slack-jawed, sissified low-achiever who, it is rumored, wet the bed until he was 20 and dresses like a woman on his days off (though I can't confirm that) made a big production out of picking a seat, and moved all of his stuff up from Economy. He picked the seat across the aisle from me.

I'm an easygoing guy. I really am. But stuff like this ticks me off. I just paid to upgrade, and these people cheated when the Sky Waitresses weren't looking. So I politely told the guy, "Just FYI, these seats cost more money. I don't think you can move up here."

He made a stupid comment back, of the sort that I don't absorb very well. So I narced him to the Sky Waitress when she came by. I told her that three people moved up from Economy, and would she please ask them to move back since I just paid extra to move up.

And you know what? YOU KNOW WHAT? The Sky Waitress said - in front of the guy, "We have a hard time policing that, so we don't enforce it." So in other words, United Airlines stole my money.

Well, she leaves and the guy starts jawing at me, and then says, "I'll be finding you outside the baggage area."

What the - ? Is this high school? Are we meeting after class for a fight? Is the potbellied guy with the 70s porn moustache going to beat me up after school? I mean, this dude is probably 45 years old, and I doubt he's ever been on a date, unless you count taking his mother to the prom (though that's a rumor - I can't confirm that). I haven't been physically threatened since...well, since that homeless guy with the soup, but before that it's probably been 30 years.

I figured y'all would want a picture of him, so I took a couple at the baggage claim where he was supposed to beat me up. (See the first couple of posts.) As I suspected, he just stood there with his eyes down like a complete wimp. I got my bag, left, and as I got on the escalator to the ground transport, I looked back. The guy is running over. He had waited until I was halfway down the escalator, and then he ran over and made a bunch of obscene gestures at me. ROFL

Honestly, I'm not so annoyed at the guy because I understand that some people simply aren't smart enough to understand how proper society works. I'm really more annoyed at United Airlines, which once again proved that they are the biggest group of mouth-breathers on the face of the planet. I guess I deserve what I get for giving them money.

Here's the idiot from afar. I think he's waiting for me to beat me up, though he didn't do anything when I was standing there. But I think he really intended to beat me up. Maybe he just has trouble remembering faces or something.

Tattletale.

Here's a front view. It's a little blurry, because he was quaking with fear. He was wearing a "BrainShare" jacket, which I presume means that he's on the waiting list for one.

Sadly, I had put my phone away when I was on the escalator, so I didn't get a photo of him running over being a jackass. That would've been fun to put on the Internet.

And proud of it.

More and more, this world needs a plague that only affects people who can't function in society.

the first shot looks like you were in a corner, and the second looks like stealth mode...

I'd laugh my ass off if there's some dud over on WPI or the Star's board typing up a post..."So this jack off tells the stewardess..."

Keep in mind that I've never won a fight, though of course I've never fought that guy.

I doubt that happens.

He's on a Donkey board.

I figure he's on some group therapy site for people who have no social skills telling his story right now. "And I found a seat that was way bigger than mine, and this guy didn't want me to sit in it. I have no idea why. And then I started to chew some gum and fell down, and I don't remember much after that."

I heard the Mission Impossible theme

Who's stupider, A Donk fan or a WPI subscriber?

...and then there are some of us thinking about buying United for the free upgrade...

Should have told him he was in "baggage area elite" and needed to pay an extra $19.95 to pick up his bags there.

I'll teach you my famed "uppercut to the taint" punch of nut-death for any future incidents.

You'll be strutting around like LeRoy with "the glow"....the iowani-glow.

you are the last dragon.