Lots and Lots of offensive jokes NSFW
 

Dont go here if you dont want to be offended. :)
There are quite a few doozies here. Enjoy.


http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/commen...s_not_for_the/

Abortion - it brings out the kid in you...

Reminds me of the time the stars aligned and I got to; tell a dirty joke in class, and; embarass a substitute teacher through his own bad luck.

Joke was;

How do catch a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice and sprinkle some peas around it, when he comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

Substitute teacher decided to warm up to the class by asking if we'd heard any good jokes recently, so I offered that one up. He replies "very funny, I suppose you'd like to tell it to the principal?" Here's where it gets interesting, I had principal's office assistant class for my morning block and the principal was the one who told it to me. So I told him that, he didn't believe and made me march down there and tell it to him. Principal sent me back to class, and the substitute came back shortly and we finished the hour reading to ourselves.

My grandfather actually told me that joke when I was about....8 years old. I had a lot of fun w/ that one in elementary school!

My wife being unhappy with my mood swings brought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big ****ing red mark on her forehead...

missing school like a hole in the head. :)
good job getting his goat.

I honestly didn't think it was that racy of a joke, which also reminds me of the first time I got in trouble from mom for a 'dirty' joke. And I was so young I didn't get it.

'King Kong plays ping pong with his ding dong'

Kid said it on the playground.

It was funny to me picturing a big gorilla playing paddle sports with a snack cake, my mom wasn't similarly tickled.