Advice please
 

Guys, I'm ****ing sick of this. I'm almost 20 and
haven't been able to score a better job than a
****ing cook at a local fast food joint. What
makes it worse is that I live in a small town so
business is pretty limited, and where I work is
the only place that'll hire high school graduates.
I'd get the hell out of this town if I could actually
drive too, but I've failed every damn test I've
ever taken. I'm socially awkward, even my only
other co-worker ****ing hates my guts. I have
repressed lust for one of my best friends too;
she's athletic, smart and a gorgeous southern
bell. I love her. You know what it's like; I've been
friend zoned real hard. She's my only real friend,
besides this one kid, who I'm pretty sure is only
hanging around me because he is mentally
challenged. I guess he's the only one that can
tolerate me. And what makes this all ****ing
worse is that I live in a ****ing pineapple under
the sea.
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Move... you are twenty.

Proof of a person replying before reading the entire post.

ROFL Delano, I almost started feeling bad for you. Punk ass.

Thanks RockStar.
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Alright.. you got me double with the rockstar comment triple if you count the fact I know what spongebob is and I have no kids. LMAO

you know who he is because that show is ****ing awesome. Spongebob & patrick FTMFW!

A master of his craft.

:D
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I don't know what Ctrl+J does, but this is not an original story.
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You're not just a fry cook. You're the best fry cook.

Patrick is Dober from the hit show "coach!"

Your penny pinching boss is showing you how to be a businessman if only you would listen. Your options might expand if you would buckle down and pass your driving test. Seriously, who goes to driving school for 10 years in a row and flunks every time?
Oh, and that girl friend you have a crush on? Not a chance, she doesn't dig guys. She's a nut crusher.

I'm not going to lie, I had the name of the regular I thought you were posting this for in mind about 3 lines in.

Welllllll....who?