Monkey Belonging to Texas Special Team's Coach Stripper Girlfriend Bites Child
 

This has to be the headline of the year:

Monkey belonging to Texas Special Team's Coach Stripper Girlfriend bites child on Halloween.

https://www.foxnews.com/sports/monke...d-on-halloween

I saw this on Twitter and started looking. Only Fox mentions that the girlfriend is a stripper in the headline, which I personally thought was an important fact. In fact, her stage name is 'Pole Assassin'. She appeared at one point on the Jerry Springer Show. But this incident raises several questions about what we should learn from this incident:

1. Is this a danger of having a stripper girlfriend?

2. Is this a danger of having a girlfriend who has an emotional support animal?

3. is this a danger of having a girlfriend who has a monkey?

4. Is this a danger of giving away Halloween candy?

5. Why would you have a monkey as an emotional support animal?

6. Why would you date a woman whose professional name is 'Pole Assassin'? That's almost as bad as dating a woman whose professional name is 'felony' (the stage name of a stripper I represented at one point. Fortunately, she was charged with only a misdemeanor).

I, for one, cannot get enough of this hard-hitting journalism that focuses upon real stories and real people.

What are the odds? :doh!:
Oh and "Pole Assassin" LMAO

That stripper needs to spank the monkey.

This should become a "Fire Dave Toub" thread.

A suitable replacement has been found.

Q

Monkey see, monkey don't

Yep. Get that monkey here STAT.

Who can Vartch trade for that monkey?

I feel dirty. And I like it.

https://i.imgflip.com/2hgiev.jpg

Texas special teams coach Jeff Banks needs to stop monkeying around and get down.... (to basics).

Stripper monkeys are the worst...

Depending on the cap hit, bring him in for a look?

It(the child) shouldn't have dropped a candy wrapper on the porch

I've been thinking a bit about this and I'm thinking about the lawsuit. Say the kid sues the coach for keeping a dangerous animal and the coach is saying that the monkey bite is unforeseeable. I can just see the judge say, "Sir, your girlfriend's name is Pole Assassin. She has a monkey. Those 2 facts right there pretty much anything foreseeable."

LMAO