[Carlota69]

My best friend of 30 years died of alcoholism just a few months ago. He was 46 years old. And he wasnt the drunk dude at the bar being obnoxious, he wasnt even Nick Cage Leaving Las Vegas drunk guy. No, he was the healthiest dude you knew for 4 months, then he'd binge like youve never seen for 5 days, drinking everything under the sun that had alcohol in it, including mouthwash and hand sanitizer. His body would be in the best of health for months, and then he'd beat the shit out of his insides for 5 days, then sober up and get healthy for months, and then...wash, rinse repeat. It as bad becasue he could hide it, non one truly knew, me included, til it was too late.

When he was younger, teenager thru mid 30s, he could drink like the rest of us, and then his disease turned. No idea why really, all we know is he could ever go back to drinking like everyone else.

He binged like that for roughly 10 years, but his insides could no longer take it. He went into renal failure, which led to cardiac arrest, then brain damage. I was at his side as he passed. Literally the most devastating and yet the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. Being there with him was a gift.

To give you a clear idea when this happened, I was kind of watching the KC vs Giants game in the Honolulu airport en route to Maui when it was time to take him off life supportand a week later, just before his 'Celebration Party" I watched the titans game from a park in Maui around 7am, while in his car. he understood my love for the Chiefs LOL

Anyways, Im not big fan of alcohol right now. He was the absolute love of my life, and Ive been struggling with the grieving, and Im a tad angry at addiction and its devastation. But it is a reality of life, and none of us are truly free of it, even if you arent an addict.

Hope you find the strength to get your drinking in a place that you can live a healthy life, even if that includes eliminating it from your life.