About four years ago a girl invited me out to a bar. I got lost on the way. When I got there she was snogging some other dude. I was about to leave and decided I wanted to meet her anyway, so I texted her.
She came outside to meet me. I then realized she was a good 50 pounds heavier than I was expecting. She reminded me of the homeless lady from Home Alone 2. She was even wearing a shawl.
We decided to go to IHOP. I ordered crepes, and texted my friend "this is horrible. she's much larger than her photos."
I then realized I had texted that to HER. Being a very smooth operator, I asked her nicely if we could turn off our phones so we could talk. She agreed. I excused myself to go to the restroom.
When I returned, she stared at me with daggers.
"I'm gonna go."
I didn't pay for my crepes.
As I was driving home, I received a text message.
"**** you."
My reply:
"You lied."
