[Pasta Little Brioni]

Originally Posted by keg in kc

I wasn't looking for advice or even describing who I am now as much as just trying to paint a picture of what it can be like. And I think maybe letting the other guy know that there was somebody out there who might 'get' what he was trying to say. I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking, because I've been there, and sometimes it helps just to hear somebody say that...

The difficult thing with people with low self-esteem and relationships (in my experience) is that we expect too much from them. They can't fix you. Being with someone else doesn't make you like yourself. And beyond that it's really easy to land yourself in a bad situation. You think so little of yourself that any attention you get is gratifying, at least at first. But as the relationship normalizes and the honeymoon phase ends, you start to see everything without the rose colored glasses. Maybe you wonder how you got yourself in the situation you're in. Maybe you hate yourself just a little bit more because of it. But at the same time you stick with it, because, hey, it's the best you can do. At least somebody likes you, so why not let it play out.

Personally, I think dating's bad enough on its own. Adding all that to the mix on top of everything else is just toxic. The words "recipe for disaster" come to mind...

There's no easy fix. I think he probably needs therapy, someone to help him unravel what's going on psychologically. Then, maybe, it'll be time to try dipping a toe in the dating pool. I do think it needs to go in that order, work on the self first. But he will have to work at it. And that's the hard part. It's easier to just stay who you are. Even if you don't like him/her.

Correct. I was just trying to give my personal experience on the subject.