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Rico I think it’s great that you are trying to make your marriage work and get better. I assume counseling will help with both you two as knowledge is power and that will help you two cope with challenges in the future.
The OP is in a crappy situation but like many have said there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I was engaged for 5 years to what I thought was a great woman for me (she was smokin hot). As we grew we changed and broke off the engagement. Live and learn and a bit less paperwork! Many years later I am now engaged again and it feels right from my brain & hearts point of view.
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