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Old 11-19-2018, 01:49 AM   #15
Nickhead Nickhead is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Direckshun View Post
4th quarter, 0:05 left on the clock. Game is tied 58-58. The ball is on the Chiefs own 4 yard line.

Goff takes the snap and hands it off to Gurley.

Gurley leaps as high into the air as his body musters, allowing him to narrowly hurdle the flying blur of Dee Ford. He lands and immediately jackknifes his body backwards to limbo under the corpse of a blocking tight end that Justin Houston hurled at him. The offensive lineman are ragdolled and tossed a variety of heights into the air as Chris Jones, Allen Bailey, and (why not) Dorian O'Daniel stampede through their resistance.

Gurley holds the ball tight against his chest and jumps off the unconscious remains of Roger Saffold and launches himself without reservation towards the endzone. Bailey, Jones, and O'Daniel each clench onto his torso to try to slow his advancement.

Yet Gurley's body stretches towards the promised land, Michael Jordan style in "Space Jam," as there is seemingly nothing that can be done.

But as he holds the ball out for the endzone, he feels the ball hit one last barrier: it is the Haglund deformity in Eric Berry's heel. Berry was actually activated and nobody checked because everyone believed he was still """""day to day""""".

Well to the surprise of all, this is his day.

His Haglund's deformity now a strength, Berry stands at the goal line facing away from the line of scrimmage, putting his deformed, mutant heel against the ball, causing Gurley's arm to do its best Alex Smith lower leg impression and crumple like an empty beer can.

The ball now lay unattended on the field, a legal fumble. Berry does a casual 180, scoops the ball up, and begins a casual jog to the other end of the field.

20 yards down, Brandon Cooks dives for his legs but the second he grabs Berry's heel, his body turns to Thanos-snapped ash.

40 yards down, Robert Woods finally collapses on #BerryStrong but upon Berry's now-exposed heel touching his skin, his skin turns to stone and freezes him in a perpetual tableau at the 50 yard line.

Goff, who had retreated to his own end zone the moment he handed Todd Gurley the ball, walks up to Eric Berry as they meet at the 20, standing 2 feet away from one another. In tears, Goff squeals "the power of Haglund's deforms you!!!"

In an irritated growl, Berry reveals why he never had surgery on his heel and roundhouse kicks Goff with the full force of his Haglund's deformity, driving his victim four feet into the turf, destroying the playing surface as every NFL executive still stranded in Mexico City throws up their hands, screaming "AH COME ONNN"

Berry steps over the Goff crater, walks into the end zone, and wins the Week 11 regular season matchup against a nonconference opponent for the Chiefs.

Michele Tafoya pulls him aside as the Chiefs bow before their defensive captain and $12 million capspace liability, saying "I thought you were doubtful for today's game??"

Eric Berry, never taking his eyes off the horizon, replies "Doubtful they'd win" and walks directly away from the camera as fireworks explode in the distance.
umm, as nice as that was, you should have saved this speech for the super bowl... but then again i guess you could repost it when the time is right.
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