[Hammock Parties]

I'm just going to steal Direckshun's post

4th quarter, 0:05 left on the clock. Game is tied 38-38. The ball is on the Chiefs own 4 yard line.

Rivers takes the snap and hands it off to Melvin Gordon.

Gordon leaps as high into the air as his body musters, allowing him to narrowly hurdle the flying blur of Dee Ford. He lands and immediately jackknifes his body backwards to limbo under the corpse of a blocking tight end that Justin Houston hurled at him. The offensive lineman are ragdolled and tossed a variety of heights into the air as Chris Jones, Allen Bailey, and (why not) Dorian O'Daniel stampede through their resistance.

Gordon holds the ball tight against his chest and jumps off the unconscious remains of Russell Okung and launches himself without reservation towards the endzone. Bailey, Jones, and O'Daniel each clench onto his torso to try to slow his advancement.

Yet Gordon's body stretches towards the promised land, Michael Jordan style in "Space Jam," as there is seemingly nothing that can be done.

But as he holds the ball out for the endzone, he feels the ball hit one last barrier: it is the Haglund deformity in Eric Berry's heel.

His Haglund's deformity now a strength, Berry stands at the goal line facing away from the line of scrimmage, putting his deformed, mutant heel against the ball, causing Gordon's arm to do its best Alex Smith lower leg impression and crumple like an empty beer can.

The ball now lay unattended on the field, a legal fumble. Berry does a casual 180, scoops the ball up, and begins a casual jog to the other end of the field.

20 yards down, Keenan Allen dives for his legs but the second he grabs Berry's heel, his body turns to Thanos-snapped ash.

40 yards down, Travis Benjamin finally collapses on #BerryStrong but upon Berry's now-exposed heel touching his skin, his skin turns to stone and freezes him in a perpetual tableau at the 50 yard line.

Rivers, who had retreated to his own end zone the moment he handed Gordon the ball, walks up to Eric Berry as they meet at the 20, standing 2 feet away from one another. In tears, Rivers squeals "I got nine kids to feed!!!"

In an irritated growl, Berry reveals why he never had surgery on his heel and roundhouse kicks Rivers with the full force of his Haglund's deformity, driving his victim four feet into the turf, destroying the Chargers division title hopes as every NFL executive throws up their hands, screaming "AH COME ONNN"

Berry steps over the Rivers crater, walks into the end zone, and wins Week 15.

Erin Andrews pulls him aside as the Chiefs bow before their defensive captain and $12 million capspace liability, saying "You're amazing. Carry me to the TNF trailer and make passionate love to me all night long."

Eric Berry, never taking his eyes off the horizon, replies "Heel, bitch." and walks directly away from the camera as fireworks explode in the distance.