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Am I Going To Wake Up Because I Have 3 Young Children At Home?'

The last words of coronavirus patients before they are placed on ventilators stick with a Long Island health care worker.

LONG ISLAND, NY — A Long Island respiratory therapist opened up about her experiences during the new coronavirus outbreak, where she has seen firsthand the suffering of COVID-19 patients — including the deaths of some.

The health care worker, who asked that she and her hospital remain anonymous, said she's never seen anything like the coronavirus pandemic. She has overheard phone calls patients have made to their families before she inserts a ventilation tube into them. Some, she said, feel "fine" and have a full phone conversation, but others may have spoken their last words. Some patients are so short of breath that a nurse will call their family for them. And sometimes, there's no time for a phone call — the patient has to be rushed to be intubated.

"We stand around their bed, [patients] are horrified, the anesthesiologist behind them, me at the side of their head with a caring smile they can't see because of [my] mask, hoping they can see it in my eyes," she said.


The medication goes in, the patient goes to sleep, the health care workers insert the tube, place the person on a ventilator, and from there, they try their hardest to keep them alive, she said.

She went into detail on some of the conversations she's overheard:

83-year-old woman; a mother and grandmother who's short of breath: "Please help me, I'm going to die."

55-year-old woman; a registered nurse and mom with oxygen saturation on 100 percent oxygen, slightly short of breath:"Please, no. Just let me call my son"

40-year-old man who's nonverbal, has special needs, and is a son; low oxygen saturation on 100 percent: Stares at [health care workers] with the look of fear in his eyes as multiple people in mask, shields, gowns, surround him and try to calm him down.

61-year-old man; a physician, husband and father who's extremely short of breath: "Please, please, I can't do this. Just intubate me. Are you ready? Tell my wife I love her."

63-year-old man; a husband and father with low saturation on 100 percent oxygen: "Please no, I'm scared. Do we have to?"

51-year-old man; a husband and father with low saturation on 100 percent oxygen and increased work of breathing: "How does this work?" "Am I going to sleep?" "Am I going to wake up, because I have three young children at home?"

55-year-old man; a husband and father, on a ventilator for the second time after being re-intubated. His wife calls to check on him, a worker tells the wife "I understand m'am, we are doing the best we can, he is my patient but he is your family," to which the wife replied, "No he is not my family, he is my world."

"A lot of time we are trying everything, and nothing is working, we lose the battle & it hurts because you remember that conversation, who they were before COVID took them," she said.

Most people who are placed on ventilators, a last resort for the most critical patients, never recover. New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo recently estimated that just 20 percent of patients placed on ventilators survive, USA Today reported.

The worker said health care workers are tired — both emotionally and physically.

"We try our hardest, and we get some wins, and we also get some losses. The Respiratory Therapist, the Nurses, the Doctors, the front-line, WE ARE TRYING but every loss hurts. Every number you see on T.V. is someone's loved one. Remember that, always and forever. This virus is nasty. These conversations will stay with a lot of us forever, these faces will too."

The hardest part, she told Patch, is that patients' loved ones cannot be at their bedside.

"They are scared, sick, and even more heartbreaking is that some are dying without their families being by there. So my heart feels for those patients and the family members that can't be there, it's hard."

The staff tries their best to connect patients and their families through phone calls, video chats and by comforting them.

"But you can't replace family in those final moments."

There have been nights when multiple patients have had to be intubated, and the worker said hospital staff have had to manage more ventilators than she ever could've imagined.

"Some nights are so hectic, we cry, we get stressed, we run around doing the most we can. But it's amazing to see how the staff comes together for each other and even more for the patients."

She credited her hospital and Northwell Health for offering mental health services for all staff members, saying they've been great.

The front-liner pleaded with people to stay home to avoid spreading the coronavirus.

"Hopefully we will overcome this soon, but until then, just stay home."