[Rain Man]

AFC North

Ravens - Animal rights again. But Ravens can stay.

Browns - Oh, come on. Who's doing this stuff? Replace this immediately. There's an obvious replacement in Eries, which sounds really cool, but apparently that's a local Indian tribe so we have to eliminate it. Cleveland's a tough one when you think about what it offers - Lebrons is too black-centric, Sausages is too Polish-centric, DrewCareys is too white-centric. You could go with Lakers, but that's already taken. There are a lot of presidents from that area, but they're all white male presidents and half of them were assassinated. Cleveland's heyday was in the Gilded age with big, smoking factories that were environmental and worker rights issues. They really should move this team, but perhaps you can build around their proximity to the birthplace of the NFL in Canton. I'd go with the Cleveland Historians.

Bengals - Stop trying to get fancy. Are you really differentiating between Bengal Tigers and other breeds of tigers? That's being separatist and non-inclusive of Siberian Tigers and Sumatran Tigers, and it also shows a pro-India bias. Just make it Tigers.

Steelers - Is that even a word? And in spoken terms it glamorizes petty crime. There's no reason you can't honor the profession and keep it gender and race-neutral by going with Steelworkers.

So the AFC North is...

Baltimore Ravens
Cleveland Historians
Cincinnati Tigers
Pittsburgh Steelworkers