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Originally Posted by Phobia
I am currently experiencing an intense pressure in my rectal area. I feel as though I am ready to explode. But, I'm out of toilet paper. What should I do?
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Without more information as to your current situation, this is a difficult problem to solve. I'll do my best to cover both common problems in Houston.
1. You may begin to feel relief from the problem, by having the man behind you remove the firm object from the area. While I don't know from personal experience, it would make sense that this might cause your discomfort.
2. The more common cause is obvious. I have some sollutions to alleviate your pain. In Iowania, if one is foolish enough to go to the field without the standard issue ESK(emergency shit kit) in the truck or preferably tractor...One can often find himself in a similar situation as yours.
There are many possibilities to solve your dilema. First, I'd scan the area/truck/tractor/construction site for napkins that may have been left from previous lunches. The next would be to locate other paper products...Paper grocery bags could be effective, the backing of fiberglass insulation is also a possibility. In a real pickle, Iowanian has been known to cut or tear the bottom half of the front of his teeshirt off and use that.
I'd say your sollution, as painful as it may be, is to tear off the required about of the
WHAM! concert tee that you're so fond of. this time of year, in your line of work, you should be sporting a standard Plad Flannel shirt to cover you anyway.
The other option is to use the
ARAB Method.....and just shake and eat with your right hand for the rest of the day.