[Rain Man]

Okay, so Fentanyl. That makes a lot of sense, and it was one of our theories, and one of the most likely at that. I can deal with that.

But what theories did we HOPE were true? I'll rank theories by the one I was rooting for the most versus the least.

I was strongly hoping for one of these...

Bigfoot attack - Be honest, we were all hoping for this one.

Xfactor transporting Komodo Dragons - It would be the first time I ever found him entertaining, and it would finally get him off the streets.


I was somewhat hoping for one of these ...

Drugs - Darwinism has its uses.

Von Miller - I don't like him killing Chiefs fans, but it would make the broncos look bad again.


I was neutral about these ...

Fentanyl in drugs - Again, Darwinism has its uses, but Fentanyl is scary stuff.

Rabies - Them's the breaks.

Chiefsaholic robbery gone wrong - It means that my bank money is safe.


I was somewhat hoping these weren't true...

Ray Lewis - My understanding is that he only murders people east of the Mississippi, so the increased range would be concerning.

Accidental - thermostat set too high in the house so they decided to sit outside for a while - I could see myself doing this.

Murder by someone other than Peacock executives - I'm generally against murder.

Syphilis - It seems unpleasant.

Sharks with lasers - They have a lot of scores to settle with us, but at the same time I live far inland.


I was strongly hoping these weren't true...

Murdered by Peacock executives due to non-subscription - I could see Peacock doing this, and I'm at risk.

Trampled by zebras - It would only happen if the zebras were frightened, and I'd feel bad for them.

Rapid-onset old age - I don't need this happening any faster than it already is.

Rabies vaccine reaction - I might get rabies someday, so I want this to be useful.

Covid vaccine reaction - I got vaccinated, so this would be really bad.