[Rain Man]

I have a combover.

Really.


Well, kind of. I'm bald, but I've got this little stronghold of Bataan defender hairs on my head right about where a unicorn's horn would go, and they've held on for ten years despite being completely cut off and isolated from any other hair. I've wanted to shave it off, but my wife says I shouldn't, and I have no idea what to do with it. So I grow it just long enough to have it lie flat and comb it straight back, and I always have to tell the Great Clips immigrant haircutters to be sure to cut them, or otherwise I'll end up with a combover down to my neck.

Hey, it just occurred to me. Life sucks.

Truthfully, though, it's not like I lost a great asset or anything. Back when I had a big headful of Patrick Swayze hair, it never worked for me. It was always standing up in one place or another, and it had this big wave that showed up when I was 14 that I could never figure out how to handle, so it was always a pain in the neck.

Interestingly, I remember the exact moment that that wave appeared. I had perfectly straight hair all through my childhood up until about 14. Perfectly straight. Then one night we had an 8th-grade band concert. I got home from school, did my homework, and put on my dress clothes to go to the concert. I whipped out my comb, ran it through my perfectly straight hair, and Boing!, all of a sudden it had this big wave in it. Everyone in band thought I had somehow styled it, and people commented on it that night. The wave stayed until the hair went 20 years later. Weird stuff.