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Originally Posted by Taco John
You'll never be able to stop something that you tell yourself that you can't stop. Just like you chose to smoke, you can chose not to. All you have to do is decide whether you're a smoker or not. You've obviously decided that you are a smoker. That's your choice. You can just as easily decide that you're not a smoker. It's actually a decision you can make. And when the urge hits you to smoke, you tell yourself "I'm not a smoker," and make the decision not to smoke and move on to the next thing. You just keep doing that until the urge finally dies because it's no longer a part of you.
For my part, I don't have a problem with MJ. I think it's better than alcohol, and don't see it as a threat in society. But it's not serving your better interests right now, and indeed, it's probably always going to be your own personal gateway to the other stuff that you don't need in your life. That's something that you don't want to hear, and like the other stuff that you don't want to hear in this thread you'll probably tune it out. That's fine. It's your choice. If you think you can control the MJ and do it only in "moderation," then go for it. Just make sure you're clear on the definition of "moderation." Once a week is moderation. Once a day is not. I personally think you'd be better served by telling yourself that you don't need it in your life right now, but you seem to think you need it, so I won't begrudge you for it. It's a place to start. If you can kick everything else, and only smoke weed in moderation, you're a lot better off than a lot of people. I don't think you can do it. The sense I get from reading your post is that you'll use it as a crutch, and when something else bad happens, you'll tell yourself that you can handle it just this once, and end up climbing the ladder again. You'd be better served, IMO, to get both feet on the ground, clean and sober, and if life throws you a curveball and you feel you need an escape, at least there's a rung you can go to that isn't going to completely wreck your life. I think that's a dangerous way to use drugs, but that's the choice you seem to have been making in your life, so it's up to you to manage, not me.
The bottom line is, if you want to make the best decision for your life right now, it's pretty clear what you need to do. You need to take your grandparents up on their offer with the intention of getting clean and getting on the right path in life. Whatever you do, you need intention in your life. If you don't get that intention, life will drag you around by the nose, and all you'll be able to do is follow it because you'll be too weak to do anything else and everything else will sound like such an astronomical leap that it's impossible. Once again it comes to making choices. You need to decide what you want in life, and then look at your opportunities with that in mind.
It sounds like you don't want to be a loser. It also sounds like you don't want to make the choices that will get you out of the losers path. Instead, you want to blame others for your lot in life and hope for the best. That's not how a mold is broken. A mold is broken by choosing a different mold. I have friends who have had it rough, but instead of wallowing in their past, they've closed the book on it and look towards the future. They use their past as a reminder of what they're not, and look to the future with anticipation of who they are now and what that will mean to their future. This is where you need to be. Everything you have in your life, you can project thoughts about toward the future and relatively guess where it will get you in life. These projections aren't Miss Cleo. They're common sense. Try it sometime. Next time you make a choice, any choice, ask yourself, "where is this taking me a year, two years, five years from now?" If you bother to think it through, and not just bury the answer because you don't like it, you'll have a tool that you can use in life to help you make better decisions. That's what you need right now... Better personal resource tools. Stuff to help you use your brain and help you to get in control of your out of whack urges.
You have the personal resources you need to pull yourself out of the nose dive. You simply need to take responsibility for where you are in life, and start using your will to make decisions, instead of letting the habits your body craves take over that will and make those decisions for you. The good news about body craves is that they go away once your system is flushed of the toxins. All you have to do is decide what is and isn't you, and then act on that decision. It's really that simple.
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