[KCGridironBeast]

1. You are at a party, and you meet a brand manager at Burger King. She mentions that she thinks the whole psychotic king ad theme is getting old, but she’s not sure. What do you say or do?

I hysterically, yet calmly, say, "Are you out of your mind, woman? The commercials with the King interjected in the middle of a real NFL play are the best non-Man Law commercials on TV!"

2. You are in a meeting with the president of the firm, two other senior managers, three other analysts, two interns, and a client who’s picky about their report. Suddenly, a Nazi soldier throws one of those potato masher hand grenades into the room. What do you say or do?

Grab the Nazi soldier and use him as defense against shrapnel.

3. You are on a cruise ship with your boss when it hits an old Nazi sea mine and sinks. There are only two life preservers left, and you, your boss, and your boss’s prized rare medieval anvil are alone on the deck. What do you say or do?

Put the anvil in my boss' hands and shove him overboard. Use both life preservers for myself so I may float to safety more comfortably and in style.

4. You and your boss are on your way to an interview. You arrive early and visit the restroom, and while inside you see a pair of feet under a stall and a competitor’s proposal sitting on the counter with another document titled, “Our Top-Secret Plan to Beat [your company]”. What do you say or do?

Use the proposal to wipe in the event that there is no toilet paper.

5. You are on a business trip with your boss. At dinner, your boss stands up and accidentally hits a tray being carried by a waiter. The tray tips and the waiter falls. As he goes down, he clutches frantically and accidentally grabs the strapless evening gown of a beautiful woman at the next table, pulling it off of her. Screaming, she jumps up and tries to cover herself with the tablecloth, pulling all of the food off the table. One of the candles ignites the Baked Alaska, and the carpet catches on fire. Everybody runs, and within minutes the entire restaurant goes up in flames. You and your boss are separated amidst the chaos, and you have to hitchhike home because he had the airline tickets. Once you arrive back at the office, what do you say or do?

Get the phone number of the beautiful woman. Try to make her my wife, Borat-style.

6. Your boss mentions that he’s going to have to move his anvil collection this weekend, and asks for volunteers to help. What do you say or do?

Go to his house and bench press the anvil collection. Then leave.

Personality Questions

7. If you were a planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid, which one would you be, and why?

An asteroid, so Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, and company would land on me and try to drill 800 feet and blow me up, which would be hella cool. Only they wouldn't succeed, because I'm a more badass asteroid than that other one and I would find a way to make them all die (Ben Affleck would die twice, just for kicks)

8. Excluding all Americans and English, which major or minor leader or general during World War II do you most resemble in personality, and why?

Benito Amilcare Andrea Mussolini. Because if my parents had given me a female's middle name like "Andrea", I would probably be as crazy as he was.

9. If you could change one thing about your current grocery store, what would it be and why?

Taco John would bag my groceries. Oh wait, he already does. I guess I would replace shopping carts with Go-Carts. Chaos and hilarity would ensue.

10. Tarzan lived during the 1930s, as played by Johnny Weismuller. He’s got to be dead by now. How do you think he died?

He got bronchitis, lost his voice, couldn't do his famous yell and used one of those rope vines that he used to swing on to hang himself.

11. A priest, a hooker, and Paris Hilton walk into a bar. What happens next?
The priest runs the camera while Paris Hilton and the hooker get it on.

12. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What number do you think it is?

27. Because Larry Johnson said so.